Concerning Hobbit(s)
by wealhtheow21
Summary: Sequel to "To Find Our Long-Forgotten Gold". Bilbo and company arrive at the Shire, and Kili's recovery continues, though not without setbacks (not least of them a certain Sackville-Baggins).
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **OK, so this was meant to be the next one-shot in the "Subordinate Clauses" series, but then it ended up getting way too long. It'll probably be two chapters. Thank you to those who reviewed the last one-shot!

* * *

It was a clear night in late August when Bilbo finally saw his home once again, more than a year after he had set foot out of his front door on his journey towards becoming a very different hobbit. The stars shone over the gentle hills, and the soft dirt of the path was cool underneath his feet, having been slightly dampened by a sprinkling of light summer rain. Bilbo could not have wished for a better introduction to Hobbiton for Kili, and he smiled at the little dwarf as he looked around at everything with great interest.

"It is all even smaller than I remember," Fili commented, although he had a smile on his face, too, and a hand on his brother's back.

"Well, it is certainly not a marvellous dwarven kingdom like Erebor," Bilbo retorted. "But it is exactly the right size for hobbits."

Fili laughed. "Well, of course," he said. "It is all exactly the right size."

They met no-one on the road as they made their way up to Bag End, which was exactly as Bilbo had planned it and the reason they had come so late in the evening. Certainly Bilbo did not plan to hide his visitors away, but he felt that a gentle introduction would be advisable, given the amount of attention they were bound to attract. The lights were doused in the hobbit hole itself, of course, but the outside lamps burned brightly, a circumstance which left Bilbo rather confused and curious. He slipped the key from under the mat and unlocked the door, smiling and gesturing for his guests to step in. Fili, though, paused on the doorstep.

"I never imagined, when last I knocked on this door-" he started, and then stopped. After a moment's contemplative silence, he turned to Kili with a smile. "Do you know," he said, "I think Mr. Baggins was not entirely happy to meet me when first I stood here, though of course he did an excellent job of hiding it."

"Yes, well, even one dwarf can be quite disconcerting," Bilbo said, "let alone twelve, and all quite unexpected, too! But I am happy to see you now, Master Fili. As long as you wipe your feet this time!"

Foot-wiping took a little explanation for Kili, but he had given up wearing the dwarvish boots his uncle had cajoled him into many weeks before, and although his bare feet were grimy, they were no more so than Bilbo's own, and unlikely to be dropping mud into the clean passageway. He stood in the hallway, staring around with a rather wondering expression on his face, and Bilbo let him look his fill and then patted his arm.

"Well, my lad," he said, "what do you think of my hall?"

"Is good," Kili said. "What is word? Nice?"

"Nice," said Bilbo with a nod, for he had been trying to expand Kili's vocabulary of positive adjectives.

"Is nice," Kili said. "Nice place. More nice." He stared at Bilbo's mother's glory box and his fingers twitched as if he wished to touch it, but he did not move.

"This is just the hallway, my brother," Fili said with a smile. "There is a great deal more than that."

And so they showed Kili the rest of the hobbit hole - or at least, part of it, for as soon as they stepped into the kitchen, Bilbo decided that the tour would wait until they had had something to eat. They still had some rations from the road, which was not ideal, but of course, Bilbo thought as he peeked into the pantry, the dwarves had eaten him out of house and home immediately before he had left, and even if they hadn't any food that had been left over would be long spoiled-

-oh.

He frowned in some confusion, for the pantry was far from empty. Indeed, it was almost full, and nothing looked to be rotten at all. Had someone somehow known he was coming and prepared this for his return? They had been travelling through the more remote parts of the Shire for some days, after all, and it was not at all beyond the realm of possibility that news of his return might have leaked out. Perhaps Holman-

His thoughts were interrupted by a shriek from the living room, and he started violently and then immediately reached for the first object he could see that might serve as a weapon - a heavy glass bottle of what appeared to be cherry liqueur, as it happened - thinking with a sinking heart of the little sword that he had cheerfully unbuckled in the entranceway. His heart in his throat, he made his way silently to the open living room door and then peered through it, liqueur bottle raised and at the ready.

The sight that he saw was not something he was prepared for in the slightest. His least beloved cousin, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, stood in the middle of the floor, her eyes almost bulging out of her head and one hand clutching a ladle, which was half-raised as if to strike a blow. Kili was pressed against the wall, his head down and his hair covering his face, although Bilbo could see his dark eyes darting to and fro as if searching for an escape route, and his hand was clenched into a fist at his side. And Fili stood with a knife to Lobelia's throat and a look of absolute fury on his face that had even Bilbo faltering in the doorway.

"You touch him again and I will make sure you regret it," Fili said, his voice deep and dangerous.

There was a frozen silence, and then Lobelia let out a squeak, and that was enough to break through the fog of astonishment that held Bilbo in place and propel him into the room, raised his free hand in a placatory gesture and glancing briefly at the liqueur bottle in his other hand before setting it down on an end table.

"Now," he said, "what is going on here? Fili, kindly do not skewer my cousin, we hobbits consider such things to be rather bad manners."

Lobelia's eyes bulged even more, if that was at all possible, and Bibo began to be rather concerned that they might simply pop out of her head. Fili scowled at Bilbo.

"This - person is your cousin?" he asked.

"Indeed she is," Bilbo said, though at this moment (and indeed not for the first time) he rather wished she wasn't. He eyed the ladle that Lobelia still clutched in her hand, and then went over to Kili and tried to pry him away from the wall, finally settling with putting a hand on his arm and squeezing gently. "Lobelia, please put down that ladle and refrain from attacking my guests in future."

The ladle fell from Lobelia's fingers and clattered on the floor, causing Kili to flinch a little. Fili took a step back and lowered his knife, though he kept it still in his hand and did not take his eyes from Lobelia, and the fury on his face did not abate in the least.

"Your... guests?" Lobelia said, in an extremely high-pitched tone. Then she turned to him and stared as if she had seen a ghost. "Bilbo Baggins!" she cried, as if she had found him stealing her silverware. "What do you mean by coming back here?"

Bilbo did his best not to scowl at her, for that only ever made things worse. "What do you mean by asking me what I mean?" he said. "This is my house. I come and go as I choose!"

"It is not your-" Lobelia started, and then drew her eyebrows together in a deep frown. "You wandered off with-" she glanced at Kili and made a disgusted face "-_dwarves_ and we have assumed you were dead for months! You cannot simply come back as if nothing has happened!"

A thought slowly began to take shape in Bilbo's mind. The food in the pantry, the lights burning outside - and now he looked around the living room, he saw there were a few things there that he was sure were not his, an ugly little carving of a dog on the mantelpiece, an unfamiliar shawl on the back of a chair. "Lobelia," he said slowly, "are you trying to tell me that you have been - been _squatting_ in my home?"

"Squatting?" Lobelia cried, her fear apparently forgotten as she worked herself up into a fury. Kili shifted a little beside Bilbo, and Bilbo squeezed his arm a little more firmly. "I have rights! You went away, how was I to know you were not dead?" She sounded quite put out by this last, and Bilbo decided that perhaps scowling was the order of the day after all.

"My dear Lobelia," he snapped, "it is hardy my fault that you assumed something that was certainly not true! Whatever it was you thought, the truth is that I am very much alive. What is more, I have been travelling a long time, as have my _invited_ guests, and we are all quite weary. I suggest you go back to your own home and leave us in peace. I will have your things delivered to you in the morning."

Lobelia gaped at this, for previously Bilbo had generally been in the habit of placating her as much as possible - anything for a quiet life, so he had thought. She seemed like perhaps she was going to start shouting again, but Fili stepped up behind her so that his mouth was directly by her ear, and she jumped as she felt his breath on her cheek.

"I suggest you do as Mr. Baggins says," he said quietly.

Lobelia squeaked again, and Bilbo gestured towards the door. She rushed to it, but paused in the doorway, glaring again at Bilbo. "You have changed, Bilbo Baggins," she said. "You have become... _dwarvish_."

And she fled.

Bilbo waited until he heard the front door open and close, and then sighed in relief. "Well," he said, "there is nothing wrong with that."

Fili's knife had disappeared somewhere about his person, and now he stepped forward and stroked Kili's hair.

"Come on then, brother," he said. "She is gone now, and she will not be coming back, I promise."

Kili made no response for a moment, but then he glanced at Bilbo. Bilbo nodded. "She is not invited," he said. "She won't come back. And if she does, your brother and I will throw her out again."

Kili seemed to relax a little at this, and he allowed his brother to put an arm around his shoulders and lead him to an armchair in the corner facing the door. Bilbo saw, though, that his hand unclenched from his side, and that it had been wrapped around the hilt of his own little knife, and he realised that had Fili not intervened, the situation could easily have become very serious indeed.

"Oh dear," he muttered to himself.

* * *

And in fact, things were not nearly as simple as Bilbo had hoped. Whether it was a reaction to Lobelia or simply to being in a new place, or whether it was for no reason at all other than the fact that twenty-five years of misery leaves marks that are not easily erased, Kili had a dreadful nightmare that night, and slept not at all afterwards, which of course meant that Bilbo and Fili also slept very little. But in the morning, Bilbo woke in his own bed, and he felt a sense of peace that he had almost forgotten could exist. Certainly things would not be simple, but they would be better, of that he was sure.

After breakfast, Bilbo led his two guests out to sit on the sunny bench where once, more than a year and many, many adventures ago, he had blown smoke rings with Gandalf. Bilbo and Fili talked quietly, and Kili sat and listened, seeming content not to speak himself, though he was paying very close attention to everything that happened around him.

Holman Greenhand came by before the sun was very far up the sky. He broke into a great, gap-toothed smile when he saw Bilbo, and hurried up the hill towards him, stout stick in hand.

"Why, Mr. Baggins!" he said. "I had given you up for lost, so I had. When I heard this morning you'd come back with a pair of bloodthirsty dwarves, I could hardly believe my ears!" A look of chagrin crossed his face then, and he bowed quickly to Fili and Kili. "Begging your pardon, sirs," he said. "I am sure you're not bloodthirsty at all."

"Only for Sackville-Baggins blood," Bilbo said with a smile, and jumped from the bench to embrace his friend. "I am sorry I gave you such a scare! I had certainly intended to be back before this, but one or two things happened to delay me."

"And is it true you slew a hundred dragons, Mr. Baggins?" Holman asked with wonder in his face.

"Oh, my dear Holman," Bilbo laughed. "I think you will find that almost everything that is said about me is untrue. I have not slain even one dragon."

"Oh," Holman said, looking quite disappointed, and Bilbo leaned closer.

"I find that riddling with dragons is better than slaying them, anyway," he said. "Much less unpleasantness involved!"

At this, Holman beamed at him. "And will you be wanting your garden doing?" he asked. "I'll have young Hamfast up and help me."

"Why of course!" said Bilbo.

And that was that.

* * *

After that, there appeared to be a steady stream of hobbits who just happened to be passing by Bag End. Some, Bilbo was happy to see, others, not quite so happy, but all he sent on their way as quickly as possible, for he did not think it was yet time to be introducing his guests around. Fili watched with some amusement, and occasionally bowed when he was referred to, but said nothing. Kili kept his head down, but watched everything from underneath his hair, and whenever they found themselves alone Bilbo regaled them both with tales of this or that hobbit who had just left, Fili asking the occasional question and Kili listening with a look of deep concentration on his face. Finally, Fili announced he was going to go exploring, and after a quick consultation it was decided that Kili should stay behind for the time being.

So it was that Bilbo found himself sitting down to elevenses with his little dwarf friend in his own home, and he felt again that sense of peace as he laid a plate of bread and honey in front of Kili, courtesy of Lobelia's well-stocked pantry. Kili ate in silence for some time, and Bilbo busied himself making tea and occasionally suggesting to Kili that he might consider not trying to put entire slices of bread in his mouth at once - although in truth he had long since given up any thought of instilling anything like table manners into the little dwarf - when Kili swallowed a particularly large mouthful and finally spoke.

"Mr. Baggins," he said carefully, "how many hobbits there are?"

"Hm?" Bilbo asked, looking up from the stove. Something had been quite wrong with Kili's framing of the question, and he tried to establish what it was so that he could correct it, but it took him a moment to realise that in fact, it had not been the question at all.

"What was that?" he asked, confused. "What did you call me?"

Kili stared at him. "Mr. Baggins," he said, his mouth twisting a little. "It is right?"

"Well, I-" Bilbo started, but he could not deny that it was, and so he nodded. "Yes," he said. "That is my name."

Kili nodded slowly, looking quite troubled. "Yes, it is right," he said, as if to himself. "I am wrong, am wrong many months. I thinked - thought, I thought understand, but not understand. Hobbit not is name."

"No," Bilbo said, sitting down and offering Kili more tea. "Hobbit is a type of creature. Like dwarf."

Kili looked very solemn. "Yes," he said. "I understand. I am sorry I wrong, call you wrong."

"Oh, my dear lad," Bilbo said, "don't worry your head about it. You had far too many things to try and learn in a short time to worry about something so unimportant."

"I think important," Kili said.

"You think _it is_ important," Bilbo said, deciding to focus on Kili's grammar instead of his mistake. Kili grimaced a little, but then frowned in concentration.

"I think it important," he repeated, and Bilbo laughed.

"Well, that is actually right!" he said. "Though rather like something your uncle would say. But I'm sure he will be pleased to hear you speaking like a proper dwarf prince!"

Kili shook his head, looking confused, and Bilbo smiled. "It doesn't matter," he said. "You see, my lad? It doesn't matter."

* * *

Fili returned when Kili and Bilbo had just finished afternoon tea, carrying an apple in one hand and grinning all over his face. "I have never seen so many children in my life!" he said. "Did you know there is a market in the next village?"

"You went all the way to Bywater?" Bilbo asked in surprise. "You have missed three meals!"

"Not to worry, Mr. Baggins," Fili said, "I do not think I need fear for my stomach in this little country of yours!" He sat down next to Kili and pressed the apple into his hand. "Here, my brother," he said. "I bought this for you."

"Thank you Fili," said Kili, and tore into the apple, core and all, as if he had not just eaten half a large seed-cake. Fili watched him in fond amusement, and Bilbo was reminded of something.

"Ah, yes!" he said, and hurried to a little cupboard, rummaging through it until he found what he was looking for. "I have been meaning to give this to you," he said to Kili, stepping over to him and holding out the little object. Kili took it and stared, holding it between his fingertips.

"Thank you h- Mr. Baggins," he said, and looked a little upset for a moment. Fili raised his eyebrows, and Bilbo felt an odd sort of pang himself, but then Kili turned the little object over in his hand and brushed his fingertips across it. "What it is?" he asked.

"It is a mouth harp," Bilbo said. "It was my father's, but I have never been much given to play. I thought you might like it." He took it gently out of Kili's hand and put it to his mouth, doing his best to make it sing, although he had never had much of a gift for it and it sounded rather wretched. Kili looked astounded at the vibrant twanging noise it made, and Fili did not seem all that much less amazed than his brother.

"Here," Bilbo said, handing the mouth harp back to Kili. "Perhaps you will be able to do a better job than me."

Kili tentatively put the harp to his mouth, clacking the metal tongue against his teeth and making a confused face. Bilbo smiled and patted his arm, getting up to clear away the plates from afternoon tea. "Practice, my lad," he said. "Nothing comes without practice!"

Fili followed Bilbo to the kitchen, smirking a little at the strange noises his brother was now producing. "We do not have anything of this sort amongst the dwarves," he said, and then gave Bilbo an appraising look. "You have finally taught him your name, then?"

Bilbo set the dishes down in the sink. "Ah," he said. "It was more that he discovered it for himself."

"It sounds strange in his mouth," Fili mused. "Still, it is good. He could hardly go on calling you _hobbit_ now that we are here."

"No, of course not," Bilbo said, for after all, it was true enough, and there was certainly no reason to feel disappointed at being called by one's own proper name. Disappointment, then, could not have been the cause of the slight unpleasant feeling in Bilbo's stomach. It was most likely hunger.

Yes, decided Bilbo, ignoring the fact that afternoon tea was barely a memory as yet. Hunger it most certainly was.

* * *

On their second night in the Shire, Kili had another nightmare. Bilbo did not hear it, but he was awoken by the sound of shuffling feet in dwarvish boots in the hallway, and he stumbled out of bed to find Fili half-carrying his brother to the door. Kili's head hung between his shoulders, and although Bilbo could see little in the way of detail, as Fili had not brought a lamp with him, it was clear that he was shaking. Bilbo went quickly to open the door for them, and they stumbled through, Fili stopping just beyond the threshold and reaching a hand to tilt Kili's head up.

"Look, brother," he murmured. "There are the stars. There is the moon. You are safe here."

Kili stared up at the sky, unblinking. Fili did not take his eyes from his brother's face, and he must have seen some sign there that was invisible to Bilbo - quite possibly only because of the fact that dwarves see better in the dark than do hobbits - for after a moment or two he shuffled them onwards and settled Kili on the little bench where they had sat that morning. When Fili turned his own head to the moonlight, Bilbo saw that there was a shadow on his jaw that would probably become a bruise by morning, and he sighed and patted him on the shoulder before settling himself on Kili's other side. Kili leaned back against the hillside, tipping his head up to watch the stars.

"What do you dream of, my brother?" Fili murmured, sounding quite exhausted.

Kili did not respond, and in fact made no sign that he had even heard the question. Perhaps, indeed, Fili had not really intended it to be answered. Certainly Bilbo had little desire to hear of the spectres that haunted the little dwarf - he had seen quite enough already in his limited exposure to the cruelties of orcs.

They had been sitting there for some while before Bilbo realised that Fili had fallen asleep. He tutted a little, but got up and fetched three blankets from inside, draping one around Fili's shoulders and sighing at him.

"It would be better if he slept in a bed," he said to Kili.

Kili made no response for a moment, but then he tilted his head slightly so that he was staring at Bilbo. His eyes looked very dark in the moonlight, and Bilbo was uncomfortably reminded of that first night out in the wildlands, when he had looked at the little dwarf and seen nothing but a witless, violent beast. He shook himself a little and wrapped a second blanket around Kili. Fili stirred in his sleep and pressed closer to his brother, his head descending to rest on Kili's shoulder. Kili's eyes slid sideways, but he did not shift away.

"Is he bothering you?" Bilbo asked. Kili looked at him, but did not answer. Bilbo sighed again.

"Well, if he becomes too heavy, you must tell me," he said, sitting himself down again. In truth, he almost hoped that Kili was upset by his brother's proximity, for at least then the little dwarf might speak to complain. It was most unsettling how silent he always was after waking from a bad dream. But Kili seemed accustomed now to his brother's constant, affectionate manhandling, although he still would rarely tolerate easy touches from anyone else other than Bilbo. And so they sat in silence, staring up at the moon.

"Hobbit," Kili said finally, when they had been sitting for what must have been well over an hour, "Why-"

He stopped, and Bilbo turned to look at him, but he was looking at the ground, his head bowed. Bilbo frowned.

"What is it, my lad?" he asked. "Why do you hang your head so?"

Kili did not speak, and Bilbo put gentle fingers to his chin and lifted his face. Still, Kili did not meet his eye, and Bilbo felt a pang of worry.

"Come now," he said, "there is no need for that. Just tell me what the trouble is."

Kili's eyes slid to Bilbo, and then away. "Mr. Baggins," he said. "Forgot. Am sorry."

"Oh," Bilbo said. "You do not have to be sorry, Kili! I certainly am not offended. Now, won't you tell me what the matter is?"

Kili persisted in looking at the ground. "It not important," he said, then pressed his lips together and would speak no more.

And although Bilbo suspected that, in fact, it might have been rather important, he could get nothing more out of the little dwarf that night.

* * *

On their second day in Hobbiton, they had some new visitors.

Unlike those callers from the first day (some of whom strolled past again, for it seemed that there was a remarkable amount of business occurring in the village that required the participants to wander past Bilbo's door), these new visitors were quite elusive and certainly did not show their faces outright. From quite early in the morning, Bilbo started glimpsing tiny, giggling shadows from the corner of his eye, and bright eyes peering through gaps in his hedge and gate. In truth, he was surprised it had taken so long for the children of the neighbourhood to discover that not only had he returned from his adventure, but that he had brought two strange big creatures with him, and he smiled and winked whenever he caught sight of a flash of movement or heard a whispered argument.

Kili, however, seemed decidedly less at ease with their unseen little visitors. He shifted uneasily, his agitation growing as time went on and more little shadows appeared, until Bilbo decided that enough was enough and he would have to send the lot of them packing, if only for the sake of his friend's peace of mind, which was fragile enough as it was. Before he had the chance to do so, however, Fili rose to his feet, a rather grim look on his face, and stalked quietly over towards the hedge.

"Master dwarf-" Bilbo started, but Fili put a finger to his lips and paused just inside the garden, standing silent for a long, long moment. There was a sudden rustle on the other side of the hedge, and then Fili pounced, leaning over the privet and seizing something behind it. Moments later he straightened up, bearing aloft a wriggling little hobbit lass of perhaps five years.

"What have we here?" he said, sounding rather terrifying. "Trespassers! What do we do with trespassers, Mr. Baggins?"

"Er," said Bilbo, for he was suddenly a little alarmed by how serious Fili appeared, and after all he did not know what dwarvish customs were with regard to children, let alone children who were bothering unhappy little dwarf princes. "We send them home to their mothers?"

"Perhaps that is what you hobbits do," Fili said, glaring at the little lass, who had now stopped wriggling and was staring at him with enormous eyes. "But in the ancient dwarvish kingdoms of the east we _tickle them_."

And with that, he flung himself down to the ground with his little burden, tickling her under the arms until she was half-choking with laughter. Bilbo laughed, too, and only part of it was in relief, for Fili was beaming all over his face, and it was good to see him so delighted. Moments later, curly-haired little heads were popping up over the hedge from all sides, staring in some amazement, and Fili, without letting up from torturing his captive, looked up at them all with a majestic tilt to his head.

"Ah, you think you can stage a daring rescue, do you?" he cried. "Come and get me! I'll never surrender!"

The hobbitlings looked a little doubtful at this, but Bilbo smiled at them all, and finally one of the older lasses gave a high-pitched battle cry and leapt over the hedge, followed swiftly by her companions. In no time at all, Fili was buried under a mass of curly hair and tiny, flailing arms and legs, and his deep laughter echoed around the garden. Bilbo grinned and clapped his hands, turning to Kili, who was staring at all this with a look of great astonishment and not a little nervousness.

"I did not know your brother had such a soft spot for children!" Bilbo said. "It seems dwarves are not entirely hewn from stone after all."

The subtleties of this were lost on Kili, who shot Bilbo a look that might rightly have been described as worried. "What is _childen_?" he asked.

"Ah," Bilbo said. "_Children_ is the plural of _child_. You know _child_, do you not?"

Kili nodded, and Bilbo pointed to one of the little lads, who was currently staggering out from under the battle. "Well, there is a child," Bilbo said, "but all of them together are children."

He expected a scowl at this, or at least a grimace, for Kili was usually quite exercised over the irregularities of Common, but the little dwarf seemed lost in his troubled thoughts.

"Children," he muttered, and then frowned at his brother. "Fili did know children before?"

"Not these ones, certainly," Bilbo said. "Why do you ask?"

"He is laugh," Kili said. "Is laugh with children. Why laugh, not did know children before? Laugh is with friends, friends is people did know before. It is right? Laugh is with friends?"

"Well," Bilbo said, "it is true that you are more likely to laugh with friends than with people you don't know. But children are different. They will laugh with anyone who laughs with them, and they will love anyone who loves them. That is why your brother is so happy to see them."

Kili did grimace at this, staring as the mass of hobbitlings and (supposedly) grown dwarf erupted into a game of tag. "Yes," he said, "children different." Something about the way he said it had Bilbo frowning, though, and he thought back over it and came to the conclusion that, aside from the brief conversation with Bard's young ones in Lake-Town, Kili had not really met any children before.

"Do you want me to tell you about children?" he asked. In truth, he had not so much experience himself, at least not since he had been one, but at least he could remember having been a child, and that would certainly help.

"I know children," Kili said. "Children small, weak. Not run fast. Make noise. Too much noise." He cast a grim look at Bilbo. "I not understand why Fili love. Not can fight, not can work. Die easy."

Bilbo felt all the words dry up in his throat at this. His horror must have shown on his face, because Kili looked suddenly miserable - more miserable - and hunched his shoulders.

"It is wrong," he said. "I am wrong. Am wrong, yes?"

"I-" Bilbo said, and then had to cough a little. "You are - it is not that you are _wrong_, Kili, it is only that you are thinking about it like- like-"

Kili hunched a little more and bowed his head. "Think like orc," he said. "That is you want say, yes?"

Bilbo did not reply, but it seemed he did not need to. Kili huddled now on the bench, as if he wished to become part of the very hillside, and Bilbo shuffled closer and put an arm carefully around the little dwarf's shoulders.

"It cannot be helped, my dear lad," he said. "It is only because that is what you know. In yourself, you are not orcish at all."

Kili did not speak for a long time, staring now at the ground, and it was only because Bilbo's arm was across his back that he felt his shoulders tense every time the play got particularly loud. But a few moments later, a little hobbit lass of maybe seven tumbled across the lawn and stopped, standing in front of them and staring solemnly at Kili.

Kili seemed to sink even further into himself, and Bilbo opened his mouth to tell the lass - little Esmeralda Took, he thought it was, though of course he had not seen her for more than a year, and hobbitlings change very fast at that age - to run along and play, but she spoke before he had the chance.

"Who is that, Mr. Bilbo?" she asked, her voice high and sweet.

"This is my friend Kili," Bilbo said, for he thought that refusing to introduce the little dwarf would probably attract more attention than simply answering the question. Kili did not seem to notice the introduction, however, and did not raise his eyes from the ground.

"Is he a Big Folk?" Esmeralda asked, and Bilbo laughed, though it was rather strained.

"No, my dear," he said. "He is a dwarf, like Fili who you are playing with." He gestured at Fili, who was currently carrying two hobbitlings on each arm and grinning all over his face.

"Why is he sad?" Esmeralda asked, and Bilbo decided that now was definitely the time to start shooing.

"Never you mind that," he said. "He is only thinking, which is a very noble pastime. Now, off you go and play!"

Esmeralda chewed on her finger for a moment, then turned back to her little friends, and Bilbo decided it was high time he took Kili inside. Kili followed him without protest, and Bilbo settled him in his armchair in the corner, and sat opposite him. He sighed to himself a little as he saw how Kili still huddled in on himself, for it had not occurred to him even to wonder if the little dwarf might find children difficult or upsetting. He wondered for a glum moment if he would still be accidentally prodding at scars the orcs had left on his friend when he was ninety-five. But then Kili lifted his head and stared at him, opening his mouth as if he wanted to speak, and then closing it again with a look of intense frustration, and Bilbo put aside his own worries to deal with more immediate problems.

"Now then, what is the matter?" he said.

Kili frowned for a moment as if trying to work out a way to say what he wanted, but finally he shrugged his shoulders with an explosive sigh. "I not know what is think like orc, what is think like dwarf," he said. "How can know which?"

"Hm," Bilbo said, for of course to him the difference was exceedingly obvious, and so it was difficult to invent a way to diagnose it. "Well, first of all, anything that involves dying children is most probably thinking like an orc."

"I not understand children," Kili said. "Not understand children, not understand name. I am dwarf now many long time, why still think wrong?"

Bilbo blinked, for although Kili had not said many words, there were rather a lot of things packed into them, and he was not sure which to deal with first.

"You have always been a dwarf," he said firmly, deciding to start with the easiest subject. "You were a dwarf before the orcs, and you were a dwarf when you were with the orcs, and you are a dwarf still. Do you understand?"

Kili nodded, but he did not look at Bilbo. Bilbo sighed and moved on to the next subject. "Now," he said, "what is this about not understanding your name? I know that you know what it is."

"Yes, I know name," Kili said. "Only I understand wrong. I did think name important."

"Well, names are very important!" Bilbo said. "Why would you think they weren't?"

Kili did look at him now, frowning. "Hobbit say - Mr., Mr." He stopped a moment, then took a deep breath and started again. "Said name is not important. You said."

"I'm sure I did not," Bilbo said, but then he remembered the previous day and Kili's worry over having called him the wrong thing for so long. "Oh!" he said. "Well, I did not mean names were not important at all, only that it didn't matter that you didn't have mine right."

"I am wrong long time," Kili said. "Why you not tell me am wrong? Name is important, why you not tell me?"

Bilbo thought about this, for in truth he should probably have told Kili what his name was much earlier - at the very least, he might then have avoided this very situation. "At first I was just happy you were talking to me at all," he said, "and then after that - do you know, I think I quite forgot it wasn't really my name." And that was the truth of it, he realised, that it had become quite natural for him to hear the little dwarf call him _hobbit_, and indeed that he had come to look forward to it, for it meant that Kili was keeping his head above water enough to engage with the world around him.

"How can forget name?" Kili asked. "Name is important, how can forget?"

"I didn't mean I forgot my name!" Bilbo said. "Why, that is quite an absurd notion!" He laughed a little, but Kili simply stared at him, and Bilbo remembered with a pang that, absurd as it might be, Kili had done just that. Bilbo shook his head, feeling as though he was wading into quite the morass, and sat for a moment considering how best to continue. Finally, he leaned forward and placed his hands on his knees.

"Kili, my lad," he said, "did you know that people sometimes have more than one name?"

Kili did not reply, but he did not look away from Bilbo either, and Bilbo took this as an encouraging sign.

"Yes, of course you know that!" he said. "After all, you had a different name amongst the orcs, did you not?"

It was, of course, quite the wrong thing to say, and Bilbo had no excuse other than that he was very tired after two nights of little sleep and quite unprepared for something so simple as a name to cause so many problems. But excuses or no, it was said, and Kili's face had already grown grim.

"No," he said, and it seemed to Bilbo that his odd accent had grown a little thicker. "No name with orcs. _Snaga_ not have name."

"But-" Bilbo said, and then pondered the wisdom of continuing a moment. But he had already brought up the orcs, and he decided the damage was most probably done. "They called you something, I thought?" he said cautiously.

"Yes," Kili said. "Call _khozd shrakhun_. _Khozd shrakhun_ is not name. Dwarfs give name, not have name before."

Bilbo could not really understand the distinction between being called something and having a name, but in truth he was rather happy to hear that Kili had not thought that his name was something so unpleasant, and so he did not further press his luck. Instead he went back to his original point.

"You have always had a name, my lad," he said, "just as you have always been a dwarf. You have always been Kili."

Kili shook his head now. "Am different before," he said. "Everything different."

"Before the orcs?" Bilbo asked, and Kili shook his head again.

"No, not before orcs," he said. "With orcs. I am different with orcs. Am dwarf now, need think like dwarf. How can I know when think wrong?"

Kili was growing quite agitated now, and Bilbo still was not sure how to answer his question. It was such a broad subject, and of course, Bilbo was not a dwarf himself, so he was hardly the best guide on how to think like one.

"Well," he said, after some consideration, "let us start with children. You see, for hobbits - and I believe for dwarves as well - children are exceedingly important, and must be protected at all costs."

Kili stared at him. "Protect children?" he asked. "Why protect?"

"Because they are weak, just as you said," Bilbo said. "The strong should protect the weak, just as the rich should give to the poor and the happy should try to cheer the sad. So you see, you are not wrong for thinking that children are weak, and indeed they - well, they are easy to hurt. But that only makes them more precious. And of course, they are innocent as well."

Kili seemed to think about this for a time. Then he frowned. "What is _insent_?" he asked.

Bilbo spent a few moments thinking about how to explain this concept, and resolutely not thinking about the fact that this conversation was quickly wandering into territory that might well become heartbreaking. "It is when a person has done nothing wrong," he said finally. "It is always bad to hurt someone, but it is worse to hurt an innocent person. And children are born innocent. We are all born innocent."

Kili looked quite confused by this. "Is always bad hurt someone?" he said.

"Yes," Bilbo said firmly. "Sometimes it is necessary, if they are trying to hurt you, but it is always bad."

Kili frowned deeply, seeming to retreat a little into his armchair. Bilbo let him think about this for a time, and then he leaned forward.

"Kili, my lad," he said, "you understand that it was bad when the orcs hurt you, don't you?"

Kili stared at him. "Orcs punish," he said.

"No," Bilbo said. "They were not punishing you. They were hurting you. Punishment is only for when you have done something wrong, and you did nothing wrong, my dear friend. You were just an innocent child."

Kili kept staring, and oh, there was the heartbreak that Bilbo had been dreading, for now he slowly shook his head. "I am not child," he said. "I am never child."

Bilbo closed his eyes a moment and gathered himself. He had learned from Fili that, in fact, Kili ought not yet quite to be considered of age, and that the ceremony that Balin had performed for him in Erebor had been rather irregular for that reason, although of course demanded by the exigencies of circumstance. And yet here the little dwarf sat, not only denying that he was now a child, but that he had ever been one at all. And how, indeed, might he compare himself with the happy, laughing little sprites that still tumbled under the windows outside? But nonetheless, Bilbo could not leave off the conversation without at least trying to make Kili understand truly what his situation had been, and indeed, what it now was.

"You were a child," he said. "You were just a child when they took you, just as those children out there, and you were as innocent as they are. You are still innocent."

Kili shook his head again. "No," he said. "I am never child. Child is weak, is make noise. Child is die easy. I am not die easy."

"Oh, my lad," Bilbo murmured, feeling quite without the strength to continue. "I do believe that you were never weak. But that is not all a child is. A child is innocent. A child is someone who should be loved and protected, because they are too young to be expected to protect themselves. It is not fair to ask anyone to endure such hardships as you did, but it is even more unfair to ask it of a child."

Kili did not reply to this. He had stopped staring at Bilbo and now looked at the ground, although he still frowned deeply, apparently having great trouble understanding - or perhaps simply believing - Bilbo's message. Bilbo waited, but it seemed that nothing else was forthcoming for the time being, and so he leaned forward and gripped Kili gently by the chin, lifting his face so that they were eye-to-eye, for he wanted to be quite sure that he had been heard, if not entirely accepted.

"Kili," he said, making sure to speak clearly, although the little dwarf understood almost all of what he said these days, "what the orcs did to you was not punishment. It was only cruelty. Do you understand me?"

Kili held his gaze for a moment, then looked away. Bilbo sighed and opened his mouth to try one more time, when Fili suddenly burst into the room, bringing with him the smell of fresh grass and sunshine. He had a smear of mud on his forehead and a healthy glow in his cheeks, and Bilbo sat back and smiled, welcoming the distraction and pleased to see that at least one of his guests was happy.

"It is quite marvellous, Mr. Baggins!" Fili said. "I would swear you have more children in one village than we manage in an entire kingdom!"

"Ah, well, we do like to have them around," Bilbo said with a chuckle. "Although they do get rather underfoot from time to time. But you seem to have been quite enjoying that!"

"Oh, I cannot tell you," Fili said, beaming. "It reminds me of-" He stopped, and looked for a contemplative moment at Kili, who was still frowning deeply at the floor. "Well, my brother," he said, apparently deciding he would not finish his original thought, "and why are you inside on such a beautiful day? Do you not want to look at the flowers with Mr. Baggins?"

"It is as you say, my dear Fili," Bilbo said, shooting him a meaningful glance. "Such large numbers of children do take a little getting used to, if you are not accustomed."

Fili's smile faded a little. "Ah," he said. "Yes, I see." He sat down by Kili and slung his arm around his shoulders, giving him a quick hug. Kili did not pull away, but he did not lean in, either, and Fili pulled his arm back and looked momentarily unhappy. "Well, they are gone now," he said. "They are all gone home to lunch."

"Lunch!" Bilbo cried, hoping the salvage some of the cheerfulness that Fili had brought in with him before it all disappeared entirely. "Now there is a capital idea. Fili, will you fetch the plates, please?"

Fili jumped to his feet, quick to smile again in a way he had never been when Bilbo had first met him more than a year before. "I swear, you will feed us all to death!" he laughed, and perhaps it was a little strained, but only a little.

"I cannot imagine a better way to die," Bilbo rejoined, and smiled at Kili. Kili did not smile back, but he did not frown either. He did not frown, and although it was not quite what Bilbo had hoped for when he brought him to the Shire, it was enough for now.

After all, these things take time.


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n**: Thank you to everyone who commented on part one! Apologies for not answering comments - I have rather spotty internet access at the moment. And yes, it will be longer than two parts...

* * *

On their third night in Bag End, there were no nocturnal disturbances. Bilbo awoke with the sun, feeling refreshed and cheerful, and smiling at the thought of a peaceful day ahead. But when, perhaps half an hour later, Bilbo's two guests appeared in the living room, it took only one look at Kili for Bilbo to realise that he had not spent nearly so peaceable a night as Bilbo had. The little dwarf's face was pale and rather tense-looking, and there were deep shadows under his eyes, and although he had not slept well since their arrival in Hobbiton, he had gone from looking merely tired to looking exhausted and almost drawn. Bilbo swallowed his exclamation of dismay and smiled determinedly at his friends.

"Ah, you are both up!" he said. "This calls for breakfast. Fili, will you help me?"

Fili looked up from where he was settling Kili into his chair in the corner. He, at least, looked well-rested, though not very happy. "Of course," he said, and followed Bilbo through to the kitchen.

Bilbo set the kettle on the stove and turned to Fili, who stood leaning against the little table with a troubled frown on his face. "Was there another dream?" Bilbo asked.

Fili shook his head. "Not that I heard," he said. "Although sometimes he is so silent- But no. I think perhaps he simply did not sleep at all."

Bilbo sighed, peering into a low cupboard after a pan. "I had so hoped-" he started, but then he looked up at Fili and saw that the young dwarf was wearing an expression of deep guilt, and that had Bilbo straightening up so fast he almost injured himself on the cupboard door. "No, you don't, master dwarf," he said. "Did you keep your brother awake all night? Were you banging a drum, perhaps, or dousing him in cold water?"

Fili made an incredulous face. "Of course I was not!" he said.

"Well, then," said Bilbo. "You have nothing to feel ashamed about, and I won't tolerate needless guilt in my hobbit hole." He brandished his frying pan in what he hoped was a fearsome manner, and Fili looked startled, and then snorted with laughter, although the mirth on his face was still mingled with something more sober. Bilbo smiled himself, setting the pan down on the stove. "I know it is not easy, my lad," he said quietly.

Fili stared into the hearth for a moment or two. "He used to wake me up," he said, and Bilbo glanced over at him.

"When?" he asked. "In Erebor?"

"No," Fili said, "when we were children. If he couldn't sleep or he had a bad dream, he would always wake me up." His mouth twisted unhappily. "I would get angry with him sometimes, because I just wanted to sleep."

Bilbo set down the fork he held in his hand and turned to face Fili. "But it is not because you were angry with him many years ago that he does not wake you now," he said. "It is not because of anything you have done at all."

Fili nodded slowly, still staring at the fire. "I know that, of course," he said. "But sometimes-" he frowned. "Sometimes it is hard to convince my heart."

Bilbo sighed and patted Fili's arm. "Oh, my dear Fili," he said. "But you must try. Will you try?"

Fili looked up at him then, and smiled, though it was a rather sad smile. "I will," he said, and then turned away quickly. "Now," he said, already half-way to the pantry, "I hope we are having bacon?"

* * *

Bilbo was not entirely sure whether taking Kili outside again would be a good idea, after the incident with the children the day before. He had little doubt the little scamps would be back after the welcome Fili had given them, and indeed he had no wish to chase them away, not when they seemed to do so much good to one of his guests - for although Kili's peace of mind was substantially more fragile than Fili's, nonetheless he was not the only one who had been terribly hurt by what had happened with the orcs, and Bilbo did not wish to take away anything that might increase Fili's happiness. And indeed, if Kili was not yet rightly considered of age, then Fili was barely so, and Bilbo was sure there had been little of play for the last twenty-five years of his childhood. How then could he ask him to give it up now, grown dwarf or no?

In the end, Fili made the decision for all of them, and apparently with little of the worry that troubled Bilbo, for after second breakfast he announced that it was ridiculous that they should all be inside on such a glorious day, and grabbed his brother by the arm, dragging him out of the house with great enthusiasm. Bilbo took a moment to worry about the fact that even now, after an entire year of freedom, Kili rarely moved anywhere without someone taking him or at least asking him to go, and then decided that such troubles could wait, for indeed the sun was shining and the bees were humming, and there was that tiny hint of autumn on the air that makes the last days of August the most golden time of the year. And so he followed his two guests outside and sat with Kili on the bench, telling him all about the midwinter festival ten years before when old Bardoc Brandybuck had fallen asleep in his own soup. As tales went, it was a gentle one, with little in the way of high drama, but although Kili did not seem to understand why it was funny, he nonetheless listened as though he was quite fascinated. Fili, meanwhile, went wandering down to the little stream at the bottom of the hill, and before he was halfway back he had been ambushed by the marauding children of Hobbiton, and his laughter echoed up to them, mixed with the higher, purer voices of the hobbitlings.

"Now then, master dwarf," Bilbo said, after a time of peaceful silence listening to the children playing, "let's see if you remember your lessons." He pointed to a tall stand of poppies growing not far away. "What is the name of those flowers?"

Kili followed his finger and stared at the poppies, then looked back at Bilbo. "It is red flower," he said after a long pause.

Bilbo chuckled. "Why yes, they are certainly red," he said. "But do you remember the name? I told it to you when we were in Ered Luin."

Kili looked pensive, staring off into the middle distance where the children were playing with his brother. Bilbo was about to prompt him again when he suddenly spoke.

"Hobbit," he said, "why-" He stopped suddenly, half tripping over whatever the next word was, and then shut his mouth as if he planned to say nothing more.

If Bilbo had not been paying close attention for the last few days, perhaps he would not have put it together, but he had, and so he saw Kili stumble over his name and decide to stay silent rather than ask whatever question he had in mind, and he remembered that the same thing had happened before, after Kili's nightmare on their second night in Hobbiton. And he furthermore cast his mind back over the last day or two and realised, somewhat to his horror, that Kili had all but stopped addressing him by name all together, and that if he thought about it, he could barely recall an instance of the little dwarf initiating a conversation since the issue had come up. Certainly he still spoke when spoken to first, but something about the unfamiliar name seemed to have placed a distance between Kili and Bilbo, or to have caused the little dwarf to withdraw a little from the world. Whichever it was, it was not at all to Bilbo's liking, and he quickly determined that he would not allow it to go on any longer.

"Kili, my lad," he said firmly, "never mind _Mr. Baggins_, tell me what it is you were going to ask."

Kili looked troubled, and Bilbo put a hand on his arm and squeezed.

"Please," he said. "It is very important to me that you tell me."

For a moment, he thought Kili would simply huddle into himself, but then the little dwarf glanced sideways at Bilbo from under his hair and spoke, though his voice was very quiet.

"Why not protect childen of Fili?" he asked.

Bilbo felt rather relieved that the question had finally made an appearance, but utterly confused by its content. "I don't understand," he said. "And it is _children_."

"Children, yes," Kili said. "You say me before, is good protect children."

"Of course!" Bilbo said. "Children must always be protected."

Kili stared at him. "Why not protect of Fili?" he asked again. "Fili chase children, why not protect?"

"Oh!" Bilbo said with a laugh, looking down the hill to where Fili was indeed engaged in chasing a pack of shrieking hobbitlings. "Well, they are playing," he said. "Fili does not mean them any harm. It is fun."

Kili frowned at him for a moment, then looked back at the hobbitlings. "Fun?" he said. "I did think fun is happy. It is happy, is make happy, yes? I am right?"

"Yes, exactly," Bilbo said. "Having fun makes you happy. They are playing, you see? They like Fili chasing them, it makes them happy."

An expression of total bewilderment came over Kili's face then. He opened and closed his mouth a moment as if he could find no words to say, then shook his head. "No," he said, sounding quite upset. "Chase not is fun, chase is punish, is die. Chase not happy, chase is scared. Children scared, why not protect?"

Bilbo gaped at him. "No, it is-" he started, and then found that he did not know how to continue. "No," he said again. "Oh, no, no. You have misunderstood."

Kili looked from him to the hobbitlings and back. His face was dark with trouble. "Yes, I understand wrong," he said. "I think, think all night, still not understand. Head is wrong, not can understand."

"But-" Bilbo said, feeling suddenly rather cold, "you understand that your brother would never hurt a child, don't you? You understand that, don't you Kili?"

Kili stared down at the hobbitlings for a long moment. "Yes," he said finally. "I know Fili not hurt children. I know, yes, I know." He frowned. "Not understand why run, why chase," he said. "Children scared."

"They are not scared," Bilbo said. "Why do you think they're scared?"

Kili glanced at him. "I hear they scream," he said.

At this, Bilbo barely restrained himself from putting his head in his hands in despair, for of course the delighted shrieks of the children as Fili chased them around the hillside did indeed sound little different from screams of fear, except that they were interspersed with laughter instead of tears. And how could he explain the fun in being chased to someone who had only ever experienced it as something deadly serious that would most likely end in pain or death? It was quite beyond him, and he felt suddenly that he had been foolish in thinking that simply bringing Kili to his home would help him, that perhaps there was no way to help the little dwarf at all.

It was then, of course, that the whole chasing game spilled up the hillside, and little hobbitlings were suddenly charging towards them, followed rapidly by Fili, who roared in mock fury and swept one squealing little lass off her feet. He carried her to the bench and sat down heavily with her in his lap, grinning at Bilbo and Kili. But his smile faded when he saw the look on Bilbo's face, and he let go of the little lass, who giggled and dashed away down the hill.

"Mr. Baggins," he said, "whatever is the matter? You look quite ill."

Bilbo shook himself. "It is nothing," he said, "nothing at all for you to worry about. It is only that I was trying to explain to your brother that chasing can be fun."

"Well, and why wouldn't it be-" Fili started, and then stopped as he stared at his brother, a spark of realisation on his face. Kili still looked quite miserable and agitated, and Fili reached for him, putting an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close. "Oh, my brother," he murmured. "When we were young we would chase each other all around the Blue Mountains. It was the greatest of games."

Kili shook his head. "I not understand," he muttered. "Not can understand."

"It is like-" Fili said, and then thought for a moment, "it is like when we fought outside the house in Ered Luin, do you remember? We were fighting, but it was not real. It was a game."

Kili stared at his brother. Bilbo patted his arm.

"Do you remember that, my lad?" he asked. "It was not so long ago."

Kili gave a slow nod. "Yes," he said. "I remember. It is not fight."

"That's right," Fili said with a smile. "And when I chase the hobbitlings, it is not real, either. It is only a game."

"Children love games," Bilbo put in. "They love to be scared, as long as they know it is not real."

Kili looked bewildered once again by this. Fili tightened his arm around his brother's shoulders. "Do you understand, my brother?" he asked.

Kili looked as though he did not, but at that moment the hobbitlings came swarming back, tugging on Fili's arm and clinging to his knees, demanding that he play with them. Fili, for once, looked as though he would rather not, casting a concerned look at his brother. But Kili had shrunk into himself with the arrival of the children, and Bilbo shook his head.

"Go and have some fun," he said. "I will look after your brother. It is better anyway that the children should not be so close."

Fili looked even more troubled at this, but he jumped quickly to his feet, letting go of his brother with one last squeeze to his shoulder. Moments later he was gone in a swirl of laughter and delighted screams, and Bilbo was about to ask Kili if he wanted to go inside when he realised that not all the hobbitlings had run off with Fili. One, a little lass, had fallen on the path, and landed hard on her hands. It was Esmeralda Took again, Bilbo saw, and she sat back on her behind and wailed, blood oozing from the heels of her hands, but the play had moved on and Fili surely did not hear her. Bilbo did, though, and he felt Kili grow rigid beside him. He jumped swiftly to his feet, hurrying over and scooping up the sobbing hobbitling and carrying her to the bench.

"There, there, my dear," he said. "Let me kiss it better." And he dropped a kiss on each of Esmeralda's hands and patted her on the head. "There, see?" he said, gratified to see that the child's wails had already subsided to a few hiccups, although less pleased by the way that she stared curiously at Kili, who sat a few feet from her at the other end of the bench, his head bowed and his face hidden by his hair. "I'll go and get something to clean you up, and you'll be right as rain!" Bilbo announced, and dashed into the hobbit-hole, quickly collecting some clean bandages and a little salve, and filling a bowl with water before hurrying back outside, hoping that Esmeralda had not had a chance to get so curious that she bothered Kili.

This hope, of course, was quite in vain, for all children are curious, and those children brought up with nothing but love and safety are the most curious of all. And so when Bilbo stepped out of the door of his hobbit-hole, he found Esmeralda holding her bloody palms up in Kili's direction.

"Mr. Dwarf," she said, still a little tearful, "it hurts."

Bilbo paused in the doorway, half-hidden by a spray of roses, unsure whether to intervene or see what would happen if events took their course. Kili sat silent, but Esmeralda crawled over to him on the bench, tugging on his sleeve and holding up her palms.

"It hurts," she said again.

Bilbo was about to jump forward, afraid that the little lass would climb into Kili's lap - and who knew what might happen then - when Kili darted a look in her direction and nodded once.

"Yes," he said. "Hurts."

Esmeralda blinked, seeming rather surprised by that answer. "Well," she said, "aren't you going to make it better? You should kiss it, that makes it better."

Kili stole another glance at her, then shook his head. "Kiss not make better," he said, his voice so low Bilbo could hardly hear it.

"Yes it does," Esmeralda insisted.

"No," Kili replied. "Need clean." He glanced quickly around himself - and Bilbo found himself ducking back behind the roses - and then took one of Esmeralda's hands, bringing it to his mouth. For a moment, Bilbo thought he would indeed kiss it, but then instead he stuck out his tongue and licked the wound, paying thorough attention to for several moments before he pulled back and peered at it, spitting on the ground beside him. He seemed satisfied by what he saw, and quickly seized the child's other hand, repeating his actions. Esmeralda stared at him open-mouthed, her tears seemingly quite forgotten in her astonishment. Bilbo felt rather the same way, if he was honest with himself.

Finally Kili sat back, releasing Esmeralda's hand. "Clean is good," he said. "Not get sick."

Esmeralda looked rather like she might burst into tears again, and Bilbo hastened out from behind the roses and set his bowl down on the bench.

"Mr. Bilbo!" Esmeralda cried, holding her now much cleaner-looking palms up to him. "Mr. Dwarf licked me!"

"So I saw," Bilbo said. He turned to Kili, who was giving him a rather cautious look. "We usually use water to clean wounds here in the Shire."

Kili shook his head. "Water not good," he said. "Not clean, make sick. Mouth-water is better."

Bilbo opened his mouth to explain that certainly in the Shire, clean water was not difficult to acquire, but it seemed Kili had already understood something of this, for he was staring at the bowl Bilbo had brought out with a frown.

"I am wrong," he said, sounding uncertain. "Water here is good, is clean. I am wrong, yes?"

Bilbo smiled at him, and then at Esmeralda. "You see, my dear," he said, dabbing a little salve on her upturned palm, "not only has my friend Mr. Kili helped to make you better, he has also taught you an excellent lesson! It is very important if you hurt yourself to clean the wound, otherwise you might get sick. But if you are in a place where the water is dirty, cleaning it with water might make things even worse. At those times it is best to lick the wound, just as Mr. Kili did for you."

Esmeralda stared at him, round-eyed. "Why isn't the water clean?" she asked.

"Ah! Well," Bilbo said, "in many places it is, and quite safe, just as here. But there are some places where it is not, though they are far away from here."

Esmeralda turned her wide-eyed gaze on Kili. "Have you been to places where the water isn't clean, Mr. Dwarf?" she asked.

Kili glanced at her and then at Bilbo. Bilbo nodded encouragingly, and Kili turned back to the little lass.

"Yes," he said. "Many places."

Esmeralda looked hopeful. "Will you take me there?"

At this, a look of intense confusion crossed Kili's face, and Bilbo broke in with a chuckle, for it would surely not be ideal for Kili to ask her why she wanted to go to the places that he had been - who knew what kind of unpleasant descriptions that might lead to?

"Oh, they are very far away," Bilbo said. "Most probably you will never go there at all."

Esmeralda looked disappointed for a moment, but then she brightened up. "If I do, I'll remember to lick anything I hurt!" she said.

"There, you see!" Bilbo said, nudging Kili. "An excellent lesson indeed."

Kili still looked unhappy, though. "You not go there," he said to Esmeralda. "Not good for children."

Esmeralda cocked her head on one side. "Why do you talk so funny, Mr. Dwarf?" she asked.

Bilbo opened his mouth to reprimand her for being rude, but Kili merely shrugged. "Not know how talk right," he said. "Still learn."

"My cousin Rosamunda's still learning, too," Esmeralda said solemnly. "But she's only three, and she started talking when she was one, so that means she's only been learning for-" she paused, frowning and sticking out her tongue "-two years! How old are you, Mr. Dwarf?"

Kili glanced at Bilbo, and it was clear that he was not altogether sure how old he was, although both Bilbo and Fili had told him at one time or another. "Old," he decided finally. "Only learn speak one year."

"Oh!" Esmeralda said. "You are very good!"

Bilbo finished bandaging her hands and patted her on the head. "Now then," he said. "All done."

Esmeralda beamed at him, and then at Kili. "Do you know the other Mr. Dwarf?" she said, pointing at where Fili was playing some kind of game that seemed to involve all the children standing as still and silent as they could. "Is he your friend?"

Kili considered this. "Not friend," he said. "Is my brother."

"You don't look like brothers," Esmeralda said. "He is so happy and you are so sad."

Kili looked rather upset by this, and Bilbo leaped to his feet. "That's enough now, Esmeralda," he said. "Mr. Kili doesn't want to spend all day answering your questions. Run along and play!"

For a moment, he thought Esmeralda would disobey him, but she was a sweet little lass when all was said and done, one of Bilbo's many cousins, in fact, on both sides if he remembered correctly, and she raised her arms for a hug - which Bilbo provided - and then seemed to sense, with whatever odd instincts reside in children, that she should not do the same to Kili, for instead she merely bobbed a little curtsey to him.

"Thank you, Mr. Bilbo," she said. "Thank you, Mr. Kili."

Bilbo gave a half-bow and a smile. Kili looked confused and ducked his head a little in what seemed to be some kind of attempt at a bow.

"Thank you?" he said doubtfully.

"You're supposed to say _you're welcome_," Esmeralda told him.

Kili nodded. "You welcome," he said carefully, and Esmeralda beamed and gave him a little wave, then ran off to join her fellows.

Bilbo smiled broadly at Kili. "Well, now," he said. "And how do you feel about children now, master dwarf?"

Kili was frowning after Esmeralda. "Why he ask me help?" he said.

"It is _she_," Bilbo said. "She is a little lass."

Kili grimaced. "Yes," he said. "She. Why she ask me help? Did not know me."

"Well, because she is a child and you are an adult," Bilbo said. "She knew you would help her."

"How know?" Kili asked. "How know I not hurt? Is not, is not-" He paused and took a breath, frowning in concentration, and Bilbo waited to see what would result. "It is not good," he said finally. "It is not good ask people help if not know before, if not friends. Friends help." He pointed at Bilbo. "Friends help, it is right. Not-friends hurt." He paused, but before Bilbo could speak he shook his head, apparently not having yet completed his thought. "You need," he said, and then seemed to think a moment before nodding to himself. "Yes," he muttered, and then looked back at Bilbo. "You need say children not talk not-friends. Is not safe. Why they talk not-friends?"

He stopped, and Bilbo waited a moment to see if more was forthcoming, then thought to himself about how he could answer this rather complex outburst. Finally, he decided to start at the beginning, for he had always been rather an orderly hobbit.

"First of all," he said, "anyone could see just by looking at you that you are a kind soul, and so I am sure Esmeralda knew that you would not hurt her."

This answer did not seem to satisfy Kili, and Bilbo had rather suspected it would not, but he felt it was important to say nonetheless. Unfortunately, the next part of his answer was rather more difficult.

"It is true what you say," he said slowly. "In many places, it is not good at all for children to talk to strangers - that is how we say someone who is not a friend, by the way, _stranger_ - because there are many cruel folk abroad. And I know, my dear lad, that you have experienced the very worst of such places, and the very worst of consequences. But in some places - and this is one of them - folk can be trusted, even strange folk, since hardly anyone comes to the Shire who is not a hobbit, and no hobbit would harm a child. And in places like this, children grow up trusting adults to help them. It is one of the things that innocent creatures do - they trust that others will help them. Do you remember I taught you the word _innocent_?"

Kili nodded slowly, a frown of deep concentration on his face. Bilbo patted his arm and continued.

"It is very important, then, that we do not betray their trust. That is one reason why we must protect them, because they trust us to do so. Do you see? If someone trusts you, you must make very sure that you do not break their trust."

Kili made no response to this, but it was clear that he had heard and at least understood the words, if not the ideas behind them. Bilbo sighed.

"I know it is difficult, my lad," he said, almost wishing for a return to a time when the most complicated thing he had had to teach Kili was that he would not be punished for speaking his mind. "There are a lot of things still for you to learn. But you are doing very well, I think."

Kili looked a little sceptical at this, but did not speak, and Bilbo got to his feet. "Well, then," he said. "I will make us both some tea."

* * *

But the trials of the day did not end with Esmeralda Took and her injured hands, for when tea had been made and drunk and eleveneses and lunch had come and gone, Bilbo noticed that Kili had barely spoken since the morning. He had little doubt that much of the reason for this was the little dwarf's continuing mulling over of the ideas that Bilbo had presented to him that morning - and he hoped very much that Kili would not be spending another entire night awake and thinking, for he really did look in need of a long sleep - but nonetheless, he was reminded that there was still the issue of his name, and how poorly Kili seemed to have coped with changing his mode of address. So it was that towards the middle of the afternoon, when he had packed Fili off to buy more bacon - for they had made short work of Lobelia's supplies in the last days - he sat down with his friend in the living room and prepared himself once more to do battle. The first step, of course, was to make tea, and when that was done and Kili was cautiously blowing on his cup and watching Bilbo with curious eyes, Bilbo leaned forward and put his hands on his knees.

"Kili," he said, "do you remember me telling you yesterday that a person can have more than one name?"

Kili stared at him, but did not reply. Bilbo nodded and decided to try a different example, one that had nothing to do with orcs.

"For example," he said, "Gandalf is called Mithrandir by the elves."

Kili's face darkened a little, and Bilbo restrained himself from slapping his own forehead, for of course elves were preferable to orcs, but not by so very much.

"Well, never mind that," he said. "What about me? The dwarves call me Mr. Baggins, as you know, but my family call me Bilbo, and in fact my full name is Bilbo Baggins. Then, of course, there is my dwarf name," (this Bilbo did not repeat, mainly because he still had rather a lot of trouble pronouncing it), "and Tauriel calls me Mr. Underhill, although I have told her and told her that it is not my name. I think she finds it amusing." He pondered on this a moment, and then nodded at Kili. "As you see, that is an awful lot of names for one small hobbit."

Kili frowned, and Bilbo smiled encouragingly at him. "Do you understand?" he said.

"Yes," said Kili. "Many names."

"Exactly!" Bilbo said, and then paused a moment so that he could be sure he had Kili's full attention. "That means, master dwarf, that you may decide for yourself which name you wish to call me."

Kili looked quite confused by this. "I'm dwarf," he said. "Call Mr. Baggins."

"Well, not if you don't want to," Bilbo said, but this made Kili's expression turn from confusion towards worry.

"You say dwarfs call Mr. Baggins," he said. "I'm dwarf."

"Yes, yes, my lad, of course you are a dwarf," Bilbo said hastily. "But you are a very special dwarf, and my dear friend besides. After all, dwarves wear boots, and yet you go barefoot."

Now Kili looked confused again, and Bilbo wondered if he was overreaching himself. "I only mean that you do not need to do everything the other dwarves do," he said. "You are still a dwarf even if you go barefoot, and you will still be a dwarf even if you choose to call me something other than Mr. Baggins."

Kili sat silent for a long moment, staring at Bilbo as if he had suggested that he should start wearing his trousers on his head. "You want I call you something else?" he asked finally.

"Only if _you_ want to call me something else," Bilbo said, pointing emphatically at Kili, although in fact, he rather did want the little dwarf to call him something other than Mr. Baggins, although he could not quite explain to himself why.

Kili frowned down at his knees for a moment. "What you want I call you?" he asked.

Bilbo sighed. Even after all this time, every time they approached the thorny issue of choice and free will, they became swiftly bogged down, and this occasion appeared to be no exception. Nevertheless, he felt quite strongly that this situation with his name could not be allowed to continue, and now he had offered Kili the choice, he felt that to take it back would only reinforce the damage that the orcs had done to his friend's sense of himself. In fact, he rather wished he had simply told Kili to call him _Bilbo_ in the first place, for he had certainly not intended to snarl up the issue of names with that of choice, but it was too late for such thoughts now. He took a deep breath and sat up straight, laying his hands flat on his thighs.

"Kili," he said firmly, "I will be happy to respond to whatever name you wish to give me. It is your choice. Do you understand? You must decide. I will not decide for you."

Kili looked quite concerned now. "Is not my name," he said quickly. "You choice."

"No," Bilbo said, perhaps a little more sharply than he intended. "You must choose."

Kili subsided at this, pressing himself back into the armchair, and Bilbo felt rather guilty. "There now," he said, and reached over to pat the little dwarf's knee. "Don't worry, it is really quite a small thing."

"Name is not small," Kili muttered, but he uncurled himself a little, and Bilbo decided that that was good enough for now.

* * *

That night, Bilbo was awoken by a crash from the room in which his guests were sleeping. He threw himself hastily out of bed, and dragged the blanket with him in case he should need it. But when he arrived at the guest room, he was met by such a disturbing sight that he forgot he was holding the blanket altogether, and let it fall to the floor. Fili was on his knees by the bed, reaching out his hands with a pleading expression towards his brother. Kili was scrambling backwards, spider-like, across the floor, his face blank with terror. Black Speech fell from his lips, thick and oily, and the hairs at the nape of Bilbo's neck stood all on end, for he had forgotten quite how blood-curdling it sounded, so long had it been since Kili had spoken more than a word or two.

"Kili," Fili pleaded in a low voice, crawling closer to his brother. Kili had wedged himself into a corner and seemed now to become almost impossibly small, drawing his feet under him as if ready to run at a moment's notice. His face was mostly hidden by his hair now, but his eyes still stared, the whites standing out in the dim room, and it seemed that he was not truly awake, for although he looked from time to time at his brother, his eyes roved the room as well, seeming to find terrors in every corner. He had, at least, fallen blessedly silent, but his mouth was a little open as if he was finding it hard to draw breath.

Bilbo exchanged a troubled glance with Fili, and then turned to Kili, his hands raised. "Come now, my lad," he murmured. "You are just dreaming. Wake up now, it is only a dream."

Kili turned to look at Bilbo, muttering something that seemed to stick to Bilbo's skin and raising his hands as if to try and defend himself. Bilbo shook his head, and Fili inched a little closer again, reaching out towards his brother although he was still too far away to touch him.

"No," Bilbo said, though he tried to sound gentle. "None of that. You do not need that language any more. There is no-one here to speak it to. There are no orcs here, no servants of darkness at all. Are you listening, my lad? Do you understand me?" In truth, he was not entirely sure what he was saying or why, only that he thought it might help Kili to come out of his dream if he could hear a friendly voice. Kili kept staring at him, frowning as if he was trying to understand something, and Bilbo found himself wondering if this was indeed a dream at all, or some kind of trance. Certainly, it was worse than anything he had seen since before they left the mountain, and that made Bilbo's poor heart ache, for he was in little doubt that he had contributed somehow with his poking and prodding and demand that Kili should choose for himself what Bilbo's name might be. Oh, he had had such great hopes for the peaceful land of the Shire and how it might help his unhappy friend, and yet it seemed that he was too impatient to let the green hills and flower gardens work in their own time, and now he had just made everything worse!

"Kili," Fili said again, and now he was close enough to touch his brother, and touch him he did, taking his hand between both his own and raising it to his neck, pressing Kili's fingertips against the white scars that circled his throat like a ghost of the orcish collar that he had worn for so many years. "You are safe now," Fili murmured to him, leaving go of his hand, though keeping both of his own ready to seize it again at a moment's notice. "You are safe, I will keep you safe."

Kili traced his fingers across the scars, staring now at Fili, and Fili let him sit for a moment or two before reaching out and dragging him into a rough embrace. Kili made a pained noise and struggled for a moment, but Fili folded him into his arms and pressed his face into Kili's neck, stroking his hair with gentle hands, and after a moment, Kili's struggles subsided into shudders. "You are awake, o my brother," Fili murmured, over and over. "You are awake, you are awake."

So they stayed, Kili and Fili on the floor and Bilbo standing in his nightgown, feeling quite wrung out, until Kili finally seemed to be overcome with exhaustion, and he fell asleep in his brother's arms, his shaking subsiding and his breathing becoming deep and even. Fili still stroked his hair, his hand sweeping slowly and evenly over his brother's head, but now he looked up at Bilbo, and his face was pale with worry.

"I thought he would get better here," he murmured. "Why is he not getting better, Mr. Baggins?"

Bilbo thought guiltily of the choice he had tried to force upon Kili. But there was no sense in mentioning that now. "He will, my dear lad," he said instead. "I'm sure he will."


	3. Chapter 3

When morning came, Bilbo's thoughts felt thick and sluggish from lack of sleep. Neither he nor Fili had slept much at all after Kili's nightmare, though both had made some attempt at it, and Kili himself had woken after only an hour and sat silent and withdrawn for the rest of the night. Breakfast, then, was a quiet affair, verging on morose, and Bilbo was tempted to suggest they all return to bed immediately afterwards. He felt, though, that it was important that they should have some kind of routine, if only to give Kili some sense of stability. So instead, he set Fili to sweeping the floor and cast around for something to engage Kili, his hand landing first of all on a little book he had been reading the day before.

"Here, my lad," he said, presenting the book to Kili. "There are some pictures in here you might enjoy."

Kili peered doubtfully at the book and made no response. Bilbo took it back and turned the pages until he found a picture of mountains under the night sky.

"There, you see?" he said. "That is like Ered Luin."

Kili stared at the picture, running his fingertips over it, and then turned to the writing on the facing page, touching a number of the words. He frowned and looked up at Bilbo.

"It is different," he said. "Marks are different. Not in-mountain marks."

"Ah!" Bilbo said, and suddenly a spark of enthusiasm lit within him, for although it had long since become clear that Kili would never be able to read the dwarvish letters - even Balin had given up on trying to teach him, though not without a nudge from Bilbo - they had never tried to teach him the elvish ones that were used for writing Common. Bilbo quickly found himself a piece of parchment and a quill pen and ink and drew up a chair next to Kili.

"Now," he said, "these letters look different because they are in a different alphabet. Do you remember the word _alphabet_?"

Kili frowned in thought, and Fili paused in his sweeping, leaning on his broom and watching with interest. Finally, Kili shook his head.

"You have told me before?" he asked. "I not remember."

"Well, I have told you before, but it doesn't matter," Bilbo said. "_Alphabet_ is the name for all the letters that we use to write a particular language. The mountain marks are the dwarvish alphabet, and the dwarves use them to write Khuzdul. These are - they are a different alphabet-" for he thought Kili would not take too kindly to being taught something created by the elves "- and they are used to write Common. Do you understand?"

Kili stared down at the page for a long moment, and then nodded. "Yes," he said. "Think I understand."

"Good," Bilbo said. "Now, here is the the letter _h_." He wrote this carefully on the parchment, making sure to make it large and clear. "It is the first letter in _hobbit_. And here is _o_." And he drew, letter by letter, the word _hobbit_, explaining to Kili as he went. When he had finished, he waited a moment for the ink to dry, and then gave the parchment to Kili. "Can you see how they are different from each other?" he asked.

Kili stared at the parchment for a long time, his face growing more and more troubled until Bilbo, dismayed, put a hand on his arm.

"You cannot see it?" he asked.

Kili ducked his head, and Bilbo quickly took the parchment from him and put a hand under his chin, lifting it up. "Now, now," he said. "There is no need to be upset. It is not in the least important! Why, I know many fine hobbits who cannot read or write and are quite happy and prosperous."

Kili kept his eyes down for a moment, but Bilbo ducked his own head until he was half-crouched on the floor so that he could look at him. "It is not important," he said, wishing that he had not brought the subject up. "Do you believe me?"

For a moment, it seemed that Kili would disagree, but at last he nodded, though he did not lift his eyes. "Read is not important," he said.

"Good," Bilbo said firmly, though he did not miss Fili's unhappy frown. "Anyway, the pictures are the most wonderful part of this book." And he took up the book and put it again in Kili's hands. "There are others," he said. "You can look for them when you tire of looking at this one." And he stood to go and wash the dishes, but he was arrested in his action by a question from Kili.

"What book is for?" he asked.

"Oh," Bilbo said, and sat down again with a bump. "Well - this book has stories in it. They are written down here so that we don't forget them and so that we can read them even when there is no-one here to tell them to us. But some books have records in them, or recipes, or even magic spells. But the books with stories are the most interesting, as a rule."

Kili looked down at the page of writing, pressing his fingertips onto the words as if he could somehow absorb the secret of reading them through his skin. "What stories are like?" he asked, with something of wistfulness in his voice.

Bilbo smiled and patted his arm. "I will read one to you tonight," he said. "They are stories about the men of old. Like the stories Thorin tells sometimes."

Kili seemed to think about this for a long moment, then finally shook his head with a frown.

"I did forgot," he said. "What is _Thorin_ mean?"

Bilbo felt his mouth drop open, and there was a stunned silence, broken by a clatter behind him. Bilbo turned to see Fili, grim and pale, striding over to the chair, his broom lying discarded on the floor. He took Kili by the arm and tugged him to his feet, gently it was true, but nonetheless the little dwarf's face grew quickly troubled as he beheld his brother's expression, and he looked in bewilderment at Bilbo.

"Fili, have a care," Bilbo said, but Fili was already half-way to the door, towing his brother behind him. Bilbo leaped to his feet and followed them, catching up in the bedroom where they both slept. The walls were covered in Kili's pictures, and Fili positioned his brother in front of one of them and then pointed to it emphatically.

"Thorin," he said, sounding strained. "This is Thorin, our uncle. You have not forgotten him, my brother? Tell me you have not forgotten?"

Kili looked from the picture to Fili, his eyes wide with worry, and shook his head. "No, I not forgot," he said. "Forgot only name. Remember uncle. Remember Thorin, yes, Thorin is uncle." He stared anxiously at Fili, and Fili closed his eyes and rested his forehead for a moment against the wall.

"There now," Bilbo murmured, not sure which of them he should pat first. "It is all just a misunderstanding."

"It is not a misunderstanding," Fili muttered, but when Bilbo put an arm around Kili's shoulders and led him back to the living room, he followed without comment, and picked up his broom again, sweeping perhaps more viciously than was necessary. Bilbo watched him for a moment, then put the book back into Kili's hands, gave him a last pat (and decided that he should perhaps increase the frequency of pats for both brothers, at least for the next little while), and made his way to the kitchen to wash the dishes. As he passed Fili, he plucked at his sleeve and nodded his head towards the kitchen. Fili scowled at him, but he laid down the broom and followed.

Once there, Bilbo set the water to heat and found a plate of biscuits. He laid them on the table and sat down, patting the chair beside him. Fili sank into it, then rubbed a hand over his face. He looked tired and a little unwell.

"I did not mean to scare him," he said.

"I know you didn't," Bilbo said. "And I'm sure he knows that, too. It is just a difficult time."

"When will it not be a difficult time, Mr. Baggins?" Fili asked, turning to look at Bilbo, his eyes bright with sorrow.

Bilbo sighed. "These nightmares are-" He shook his head. "They are terrible, it is true, and I know that he frightened you last night with the Black Speech. But my dear Fili, you must remember that a year ago your brother was a prisoner of the orcs still. Perhaps things are difficult now, but they are so much better than they were."

"It is not only the nightmares," Fili said. "He forgot our uncle's name." He hunched over a little as he said it, as if trying to protect himself from something.

"Well, he did indeed," Bilbo admitted. "But it is a long time since he has seen him, and you do usually call him _uncle_, so perhaps it can be understood."

Fili did not speak for a long, quiet moment. Bilbo waited patiently, for he had had a great deal of experience with awkward silences in the last year, and had become quite the proficient at waiting for upset dwarves to speak. Finally, Fili lowered his head still further and spoke in a hoarse murmur.

"I dream sometimes," he said. "I dream that I wake up and he has forgotten me again. That he has forgotten everything but the orcs." He raised his eyes to Bilbo's, and his face looked drawn and haunted. "You do not think that is what is happening, do you, Mr. Baggins?"

"Oh!" Bilbo cried, and he reached forward and put his hand on Fili's arm, squeezing tightly. "No, of course I do not!"

"But he spoke the Black Speech last night," Fili insisted. "He has not spoken it for so long. And this morning, our uncle-"

"Now, master dwarf," Bilbo said firmly, "you are very tired, and you are not thinking correctly. We know your brother was changed, physically changed, by what happened to him. We know his mind was affected. If all that comes of twenty-five years with those beasts is some minor forgetfulness and an inability to read, I will think we have been fortunate indeed! He has not forgotten anything important, after all."

Fili stared at him, and Bilbo wondered if perhaps it had not been politic to suggest that Thorin's name was not important. But in fact, it was true: it was much more important that Kili should remember who his uncle was and that he loved him, and much less that he should remember what those people called him who were not his nephews. But Fili did not seem angry, only tired and upset, and not entirely convinced by Bilbo's arguments.

"I think he might be forgetting other things, too," he said quietly.

Bilbo's heart sank. "What sorts of things?" he asked.

Fili stared at the table a moment. "Yesterday, he asked me what he should call you," Fili said, and then raised his head and stared at Bilbo with something like fear in his eyes. "He learned your name only a few days ago, Mr. Baggins. If he has forgotten it already-"

"Ah," Bilbo said, and helped himself to a biscuit since Fili did not seem to care for them. "No, that is something else entirely. He has not forgotten it, he has simply not yet decided which name he prefers." He paused, frowning at Fili, for in his attempt to force Kili to make that choice he had not considered that the little dwarf might enlist his brother to make it for him. "And what did you tell him?"

"I said that he should call you whatever you wanted to be called," Fili said.

Bilbo's heart sank. "Oh dear," he said. It seemed that this experiment of his was doomed to failure.

Fili looked dismayed at this. "It was the wrong thing, then?" he said, and then ran his hands through his hair. "I do not understand why I always say the wrong thing."

"Now, don't be ridiculous, master dwarf!" Bilbo said. "You say the right thing nine times out of ten, if not more, and if it was not for you your brother would be nowhere near as well as he is now. And in this case, it is all my fault. I'm afraid I am making rather a mess of things." He took another biscuit, feeling quite disconsolate.

Fili put his head in his hands. "Why is this all still so difficult, Mr. Baggins?" he asked.

"But it is so much easier than it was!" Bilbo said, finding his need to reassure his friend overrode his own sense of self-pity. "Do you remember when first we found him? Could you have imagined then that he would come so much to himself?"

Fili shook his head slowly. "When first we found him, I was convinced he would regain his memories," he said. "I was sure it would be only a few minutes - and then hours - and then days. And I know I should not have hoped for it, not after everything, but I truly thought that taking him ho- taking, taking him to Ered Luin would bring back something more." He hung his head. "I wish I could stop hoping for it, but it seems I cannot."

"Nor should you," Bilbo said firmly. "After all, he did remember something in Ered Luin, did he not? He remembered where you both used to sit."

"It is not _enough_," Fili said, and then abruptly clamped his mouth closed, looking horrified. He glanced quickly into the living room, but if Kili had heard what he said, he gave no sign. Fili put a hand to his mouth, as if he thought he might be able to call the words back, and Bilbo felt his heart wrench a little in his chest.

"Oh, my dear Fili," he said gently. "I am sorry."

Fili was silent a long moment, then he shook his head. "I do not mean that he is not enough," he said, sounding strained. "I only mean- I only wish-"

"I know what you wish," Bilbo said. "I think we all wish the same. And perhaps we will still get it, or at least some of it."

"But perhaps we will not," Fili said, staring down at his hands.

"My poor lad," Bilbo said, putting an arm around Fili's shoulders. "What your brother needs more than anything is time. Time, and love. I know you can give him those things."

Fili seemed to have shrunk a little as he sat at the table, and now he pressed his fingers against the table top and seemed to be gathering himself. "And- and if it turns out that he does not need time?" he asked. "If it turns out that time is not enough? That nothing is enough for him to recall what he used to be?"

Bilbo sighed and tightened his arm around Fili. "Well, my friend," he said, "and what will you do then? What will you do if Kili stays forever just as he is now?"

Fili sat with his head hanging for a long time, long enough that Bilbo wondered if he had even heard the question. But finally, he looked up, and his eyes were red-rimmed but dry, and any grief on his face had been replaced by determination.

"I will be his brother," he said.

* * *

It was a rather cloudy day, and Bilbo decided not to take Kili outside,for he seemed relatively content to sit and page endlessly through the book Bilbo had given him, staring at the words as if he hoped that doing so might somehow make him able to read them. Bilbo tried twice more to teach him one or two letters, but Kili seemed quite incapable of reproducing the letters he traced, or of recognising the differences between them, producing instead only slightly shaky abstract swirls that were quite beautiful but had no meaning that Bilbo knew of. The hobbitlings, too, seemed to have decided to take their play elsewhere, and so it was a peaceful morning at Bag End until just after elevenses, when there came a little knock at the door.

Bilbo, who was expecting no visitors, went quickly to open it, and found little Esmeralda standing on the doorstep. She bobbed a shy curtsey and peered up at Bilbo, who had been joined by Fili.

"What's this?" Fili said with a broad smile. "A lone marauder? Have you lost all your comrades?"

Esmeralda chewed on a finger for a moment. "Can Mr. Kili come out and play?" she said finally.

Bilbo exchanged a surprised glance with Fili. "Surely you mean Mr. Fili?" he asked.

Esmeralda looked at Fili and shook her head. "Mr. Fili can come too, if he wants," she said.

At that, Fili's grin broadened even further, and he turned to look at his brother, who still sat in the corner of the living room facing the door. "You have been making friends without telling me, brother!" he called.

Kili looked rather bewildered, and Bilbo smiled kindly at Esmeralda.

"Now, my dear," he said, "I do not think Mr. Kili wants to play."

Esmeralda's face fell a little, and Fili quickly dropped into a crouch, taking her by the shoulders.

"I will play with you," he said solemnly, "though I know I am no substitute for my brother. But perhaps he will consent to sit near us and allow us to bathe in his reflected glory."

Bilbo hid a smile at this, and Esmeralda pouted a moment, then nodded, putting her hand in Fili's. Fili winked at Bilbo and allowed himself to be led outside, and Bilbo turned back to the living room.

"Well, my lad," he said to Kili. "You are popular, it seems! Would you like to go outside and watch your brother play?"

Kili looked rather doubtful, but Bilbo decided it would be good for him to see more of what it was to be a child, and he rather thought that Fili's games with Esmeralda might be a little more gentle than those he had played with the whole troupe of hobbitlings, so he took Kili by the arm and led him to their accustomed spot on the bench. Fili appeared to be engaged in pretending to be a pony, Esmeralda riding on his back and giggling with delight, apparently trying to use his moustache braids as reins, although luckily for the continuing existence of Fili's moustache, her little arms were not long enough to reach. It was only moments before she became aware of Kili's presence in the garden, though, and she quickly slipped from Fili's back and came tripping over, scrambling up onto the bench between Bilbo and Kili. Bilbo kept a narrow eye on her, ready to remove her at the first sign of serious unease from his friend, but Kili, apart from an initial glance of surprise, seemed relatively content to let her sit next to him, and she, once she had placed herself in close proximity, seemed to have the good sense not to try to get any closer. Instead, she sat mimicking Kili's posture and watching the scene before her as he did, though there was little to be seen there now but Fili sitting on the grass and regarding the two of them with an amused smile. Esmeralda threw little glances at Kili from time to time, but he did not look at her, seeming to be rather deep in thought.

Bilbo found himself engaged in predicting how long the little hobbitling would be able to be patient. Certainly, she was remarkably so for her age, and rather solemn with it, as least so far as hobbitlings go (which is not far at all, as they are quite the most cheerful of creatures). It must have been the Baggins blood in her, Bilbo decided, for it certainly was not her Took side that made her so. In the end, though, even the most Baggins of hobbitlings cannot stand to sit still and stare for so very long, and finally Esmeralda turned to Kili with a frown.

"Aren't you bored?" she asked.

Kili looked at her in some confusion. "I not know what is _bored_," he said. He looked over her head at Bilbo. "I am bored?"

"Bored is when-" Esmeralda started, then paused and looked a little frustrated. "Bored is bored!" she declared. "There is no other word for it! It is when things are boring."

The confusion grew more pronounced on Kili's face, and Bilbo chuckled a little. "_Bored_ is when nothing interesting is happening, but you wish something was," he said.

"Yes," Esmeralda said with a nod. "That is it. So, aren't you bored, Mr. Kili?"

Kili thought about this for long enough that Esmeralda started to get restless again, but finally he shook his head. "No," he said, "I am not bored."

Esmeralda looked slightly outraged at this. "Why not?" she asked. "You are not doing anything!"

Bilbo exchanged a glance with Fili, who was smirking now, the strain of the morning and the night before still present in his hollow eyes and sallow skin, but greatly remedied by this odd scene that was unfolding before them.

"I am think," Kili said. "Is what I am do."

"But don't you get bored of thinking?" Esmeralda asked.

Kili stared at her for a long moment, and Esmeralda seemed suddenly to become quite uncomfortable. Bilbo, who had long been used to the intensity and frequency of Kili's stares, and what was more, could compare them to how he had felt when he had thought Kili would murder him in his sleep, had rather forgotten how they could make one feel, but now he wondered if he should shoo Esmeralda away for her own sake, rather than Kili's. But though she squirmed rather, she did not cry, nor did she slip from the bench and go back to Fili, and finally Kili spoke.

"Bored is when want interesting thing happen, yes?" he said. Esmeralda nodded, and Kili nodded back. "I not want interesting thing happen," he said. "Not want anything happen."

Esmeralda looked exceedingly bemused by this pronouncement, and Bilbo decided that perhaps it was time to step in.

"Mr. Kili has led a very interesting life," he said, "and now that he has seen so many interesting things, he would rather have a peaceful life than an interesting one. And that, my dear Esmeralda, is a laudable goal indeed. In fact, if you sit and think in silence for a while, as Mr. Kili does, you may find that many things you thought were boring turn out to be interesting after all."

Esmeralda looked rather sceptical at this, but she dutifully rearranged herself once more into a posture that mimicked Kili's, and even seemed to be trying to imitate his frown as she stared out at the world. Fili looked absolutely delighted now, and Bilbo could not surprise his smile of amusement, either, although he was not sure that either of the two thinkers realised quite what a picture they made, the fair little hobbit lass frowning next to the dark, sombre dwarf, who for once looked tall and broad-shouldered by comparison. Marvellous tableau though it was, though, it was soon broken, for Esmeralda apparently did not find the inner peace of meditation fast enough for her liking, and she made a frustrated noise and slipped off the bench.

"Well, _I_ am bored," she announced, and then seemed to cast around for something to do. She espied a daisy, growing innocently in the grass at her feet, and her face brightened as she reached down to pluck it. "Look, Mr. Kili!" she said. "Here is a daisy!" She offered it to him, and he took it and stared at it.

"Thank you, Esmalda," he said gravely.

Esmeralda giggled. "Do you know how to make daisy chains?" she asked.

Kili glanced cautiously at Bilbo, then shook his head. "No," he said. "I not know."

"I will show you!" Esmeralda cried gleefully, and took Kili by the hand, pulling him from the bench. Bilbo jumped quickly to his feet, and a little further away Fili was scrambling up, too, but Kili did not seem distressed, though he did throw Bilbo another confused look.

"Esmeralda, you should ask people before you touch them," Bilbo said sharply, watching Kili carefully to see if his mood changed. Esmeralda looked suddenly chastened, and she let go of Kili's hand and flushed a little.

"But he doesn't know how to make daisy chains," she insisted.

"And maybe he does not want to make daisy chains," Bilbo said, though he took care to remove the sharp note from his voice before he did.

"But you do, don't you?" Esmeralda said to Kili, looking up at him with great, imploring eyes. Kili stared at her, then looked at Bilbo and at Fili. He seemed still bewildered, but not unhappy.

"I can make?" he asked.

"If you want to," Bilbo said firmly, but of course this seemed to have little effect on Kili, who simply allowed Esmeralda to take his hand again and pull him down to sit with her on the grass. Bilbo looked at Fili, who shrugged and sat down, too, but did not take his eyes from the pair of them. Bilbo went back to his bench, and listened as Esmeralda explained to Kili how to pierce the stem of the daisy and thread the next one through, and then tutted over his technique.

"Your hands are shaking," she said disapprovingly.

"Yes," Kili said. "Hands shake." He shrugged a little, and as Bilbo watched, Esmeralda took his hands in her tiny ones and carefully manipulated them to perform the actions she required. This garnered a surprised raise of the eyebrows from Fili, but Kili seemed to be concentrating deeply on the task at hand, and when Esmeralda crowed and held up the nascent chain with approval, he regarded it with a frown, and then nodded.

"Yes," he said. "I understand make."

"Well, then!" Esmeralda said. "There are daisies enough and to spare!"

And so it was that Bilbo found himself watching the reserved, unhappy dwarvish prince of a far-away kingdom painstakingly create a chain of flowers on his lawn, and indeed, it was such a surprisingly gratifying experience that Bilbo would have wished to be doing nothing else at that point in time.

Eventually, Esmeralda wandered away to find more daisies in a different part of the lawn, and soon she drafted Fili into her project as well, and when she came back to Kili, she found that he had made a chain so long that it would have wrapped several times around the Party Tree and still had daisies to spare. Esmeralda giggled when she saw this and patted Kili's arm.

"It is too long!" she said. "What will you do with it?"

Kili stared at the chain of flowers in his hand as if he had not considered this question before. "I not know," he said. "What it is for?"

"To wear, of course!" Esmeralda said. "Like jewellery. Look." She took a much shorter piece of chain that she had made and picked up Kili's hand, making to wrap it around his wrist. At this, Bilbo, who was still paying close attention, leaped to his feet, and Fili, who had ostensibly been concentrating on his own flower-smithing endeavours but it seemed now had also been watching his brother carefully, did the same. But both of them paused in their protest when Esmeralda did not put the flowers around Kili's wrist, but instead frowned down at it, touching the thick band of scars that encircled it.

"What's this?" she asked. "Have you painted on your arm?"

Kili looked down at his wrist. "It is scar," he said. "Come from hurt wrist."

Esmeralda nodded, and held up her own bandaged palm. "My papa says I won't have a scar," she said. "He says I wasn't hurt enough, but I think it's because you licked it."

Kili watched her for a moment. "No," he said. "You not have scar. It is good."

Esmeralda looked very solemn again now. "It still hurts, though," she said. "Especially when I press it."

"You not press," Kili said. "Hurt less."

Esmeralda seemed to consider this for a moment, then looked down again at Kili's wrist. "Did you fall over like I did?" she asked hesitantly.

Kili shook his head. "No," he said. "I not fall."

Esmeralda touched her fingers to the scars, tracing them around Kili's wrist, and then took up his other hand. She frowned to see a similar band there, and touched them, too.

"Does it still hurt?" she asked.

Kili regarded her for a moment, then looked down at his wrist, his free hand drifting towards his neck.

"Yes," he said. "Still hurts."

* * *

In the end, Esmeralda was persuaded to make Kili a crown rather than a necklace or bracelet, and then she twined daises in his hair until he began to look oddly elven, despite his beard. Kili sat patiently through these endeavours, but Bilbo sent Esmeralda off in search of her little friends shortly afterwards, for he knew that if he did not, she would remain at Kili's side all day in the way that children sometimes become greatly attached to adults who pay them some special attention. The afternoon, then, was rather quiet, for Kili seemed content to sit in his chair and page through the stack of books that Bilbo had now placed by his side, and Fili sat beside him with his pipe and pointed at things he found interesting, both in the pictures and the words, explaining them to Kili and sometimes reading snatches out. Bilbo ran some errands, then had Fili help him with the various evening meals (and both of them took the opportunity to quietly worry about how Kili seemed rather ill at ease, though neither could understand why), and after supper was eaten, he declared they should all have an early night, since they had slept so little the night before. But before he took himself to bed, he went and sat by Kili, digging in his pocket for a spray of the little herb he had gathered that afternoon.

"Now, my lad," he said, "do you know what this is?"

Kili stared at it. "Is flower," he said.

"Not exactly," Bilbo said with a smile. "The flower is the brightly coloured part, like this." He plucked a daisy from Kili's hair and showed it to him. "But the flower grows on a plant. This is a plant."

"Plant," Kili said, and nodded. "I understand."

"Good," Bilbo said. "Now, this particular plant is called _valerian_. _Valerian_, can you say that?"

It took Kili a moment, but on his third try, he had it right, and Bilbo nodded encouragingly. "I am telling you this because valerian has some special qualities," he said. "If you put it into tea, it will make it easier for you to sleep. Do you understand? It is like a medicine that puts you to sleep and helps you to sleep deeply."

Fili had come and settled by them by this time, and he looked from the sprig of valerian to his brother's face, suddenly intent. Kili, for his part, merely stared at Bilbo.

"I understand," he said, but he sounded troubled.

"Well," Bilbo said, "I have made you some valerian tea." And now he reached over and grasped the steaming cup he had left on the side, placing it on the little table by Kili's elbow. "If you would like, you can drink it and it will help you to have a restful night."

Kili's eyes went from Bilbo to the cup. He stared at it as if it might bite him. "I should drink?" he asked.

"Yes," Fili said, at the same time as Bilbo said "No." They stared at each other, and then Fili indicated that Bilbo should continue, and Bilbo turned back to Kili.

"You may drink, if you want," he said. "It is only if you want, Kili. Do you understand? The tea is there if you want it, but if you do not want, you do not have to drink."

Kili looked at him, and then at Fili. "You want I should drink?" he asked.

Fili shook his head quickly. "I have no opinion," he said, although of course this was not true at all. "You must do what you want to do."

Kili eyed him narrowly, but Fili kept his face carefully blank, and finally Bilbo got to his feet.

"Well," he said, "I will leave the tea there, and you can drink it, or not. Fili, come with me."

Fili looked like he might protest, but Bilbo frowned at him, and he followed meekly enough. Bilbo took him to the hallway and then on to the guest room, and they sat in there for at least a quarter of an hour, which Fili likened grumpily to hiding in a cupboard, although he conceded that it was hardly fair to try and force Kili to make a decision while they were both hovering over him.

Finally, they returned to the living room, and Bilbo very firmly and obviously did not look at the contents of the cup, though he had a strong desire to know whether Kili had drunk any or not, but simply took it and set it on the side to be dealt with later. Kili watched him as he bustled, still seeming anxious, and finally Bilbo decided he could not put the little dwarf to bed without trying to get to the bottom of this uneasiness, and so he sat in front of him and settled his hands on his knees.

"What is the matter, my lad?" he said. "Did you want to ask a question?"

Kili's eyes slid from Bilbo to Fili, who sat beside him, and then to the stack of books that still lay at his elbow. He shifted nervously in the armchair, dropping his eyes to the ground, and Bilbo remembered all of a sudden that he had promised he would read to Kili that night, and he had not done so. For a moment, he considered trying to persuade Kili to make the request out loud, but he decided that it was too late in the evening for that kind of thing, and so instead he merely exclaimed at his own foolishness.

"Oh!" he said. "I quite forgot that I was meant to tell you a story. Well, then; what kind of story would you like?"

Kili seemed quite unequipped to deal with this question - indeed, he was looking exhausted, his eyes half glazed over - and so Bilbo looked at Fili, who thought about it for a moment.

"One with hobbits," he decided finally. "And no orcs or elves."

Bilbo chuckled at this, and went to the bookshelf, choosing a well-thumbed volume and opening it to the story he loved the most.

"Hobbits it is," he said, and settled himself in his own chair on the other side of the fire. Fili sat on the floor at his brother's feet, leaning his head against Kili's knee, and Kili seemed to sink into the armchair, only his eyes reflecting the flickering firelight to tell Bilbo that he was still awake.

"Well, then," Bilbo said. "Many years ago, before the hobbits came to the Shire, they lived in a place called Dunland, which is far to the south-east of here..."

* * *

Bilbo was only halfway through the story when he looked up to find that Kili had fallen asleep. He smiled at Fili and carefully closed the book, though he placed a bookmark in it so that he could tell his friend the rest the next day. Fili looked up at his brother and smiled as well.

"I suppose he drank the tea, then," he said.

"I suppose so," said Bilbo, and decided not to worry about whether he had only done so because Fili so obviously wanted him to. He got to his feet. "We can let him sleep in here," he said. "It is not so different from being wedged in the corner of your bed."

Fili got to his feet, then, and stood in the middle of the room for a moment, regarding his sleeping brother, before turning to Bilbo.

"I will sleep here, too, if I may," he said.

"Of course," Bilbo smiled. "Let me find you something soft to sleep on."

By the time he came back from his rummagings with a feather bolster, though, Fili had collected blankets from the dwarves' room and wrapped himself in them, and was fast asleep on the floor, one hand flung out and grasping at his brother's bare foot. Bilbo stood and smiled at the picture they made, Kili with his head lolling and flowers in his hair, Fili sprawled across almost the entire living room floor, and hoped fervently that neither of them would wake until morning.

Before he went to bed himself, though, he stopped in the kitchen to rinse out the cup of valerian tea, and found to his surprise that it was still quite full. He stared at it for a moment and then tipped it away. Perhaps it was a good sign, he thought, for on his worst days he was a hopeful hobbit and on his best he was optimistic in the way that sometimes leads otherwise sensible creatures to untimely ends. Perhaps it was a good sign.

He certainly hoped so.


	4. Chapter 4

Bilbo awoke to bright sunshine streaming through the gap in his curtains, and stretched and smiled to think that he had slept through the night with no disturbances. He felt greatly refreshed, and the worry that had nagged at him and left him uneasy for so much of the previous day was all but gone as he dressed and made his way out to see how his guests fared. He was gratified to see that Kili still slept on in the armchair, and it was a sunny smile that he turned on Fili, who sat on the other side of the room watching his brother. But this smile drooped rather when he observed that Fili seemed, by his drawn face and shadowed eyes, not to have slept at all, and his expression bore no answering smile, but instead seemed tense and troubled.

"Master Fili?" Bilbo asked in a low voice. "Are you unwell?"

Fili shook his head, and rose to his feet, glancing quickly at his sleeping brother and then gesturing to the kitchen. Bilbo followed him there, but Fili did not speak, merely sinking gracelessly onto a stool and sitting staring at his hands where they lay on the table. Bilbo frowned a little at this, but he occupied himself setting the water to heat for tea and pottering about the place collecting the makings of breakfast until the pot began to boil. When he had poured two cups, he set one down in front of Fili and sat down at the table with the other in his hand.

"Now then," he said, "tell me what is troubling you."

Fili simply stared down at the table for a long moment, then slowly reached out and wrapped his hands around the cup, though he did not lift it. He seemed to be considering something, his jaw clenched rather tightly, but finally he looked up, his eyes seeming rather haunted.

"Did my brother drink that tea last night, Mr. Baggins?" he asked.

Bilbo was rather surprised by this opening, but he gamely tried to follow along. "No," he said. "I found the cup after you'd fallen asleep. But it does not seem to have done him any harm. He is still sleeping now, and the sun is well up!"

Fili groaned, a deep noise that seemed to proceed from some hitherto unlooked-for pit of despair in him, and he let go of his tea-cup and instead put his head in his hands, pressing his fingertips into his forehead. Bilbo stared at him in alarm.

"What on earth is the matter, master dwarf?" he asked.

Fili took his hands from his face and pressed them together for a moment, as if he was praying. Then he met Bilbo's eye.

"I have done something, Mr. Baggins," he said. "Something - something quite unforgivable."

"Well, I find that most unlikely," Bilbo said. "What could you have done between last night and now?"

Fili shook his head, looking back down at his hands. "He woke up," he said quietly. "A dream or - I do not know, but he woke. And I - I made some more of the tea." He swallowed, as if trying to rid himself of an unpleasant taste in his mouth.

Bilbo thought carefully about this. "And he drank it?" he asked at last, for he could not remember a time when Kili had slept beyond the rising of the sun and not been in some way unwell, and the pieces seemed to fit together.

"Aye," Fili said bitterly. "He drank it. Because I told him to."

Bilbo felt a sense of creeping unease. "You told him?" he asked. "What did you say?"

Fili's face twisted a little at this question. "I said - I said _you must drink this_." He shook his head, as if horrified at himself. "_You must drink this_. Those were the words I said, Mr. Baggins, and I have heard them over and over in my head since then." He groaned again, covering his eyes with one hand. "I am so sorry. I have ruined all of your hard work. I only wanted him to sleep, just to sleep through the night."

Bilbo sat open-mouthed, not at all sure how to respond to this. His first instinct was to be furious; he had spent so much time these last days - indeed, this last year - trying to explain to Kili that he was permitted to make his own choices, and he had thought, he had truly thought that Kili's refusal to drink the valerian tea despite the clear fact that his brother wished him to might have been something of a breakthrough. And now, here, Fili had done the very thing that above all could jeopardise this progress, and countermanded the first clear choice that Kili had made. Bilbo was a kind little hobbit, it was true, kinder even than most - and they are largely a soft-hearted race, the occasional Sackville-Baggins notwithstanding - but he could not help the anger that rose within him when he understood what Fili had done. And yet, he knew this young dwarf better perhaps than he knew anyone else still living, perhaps even better than he knew Kili, for Fili was open and not at all shy about discussing his thoughts and feelings with Bilbo, where Kili was still, all these many months later, something of a mystery much of the time. He knew this young dwarf, and he loved him as if he were his own kin, and he knew that he, more than anyone else, desired only the best for his brother, and would be willing to give anything of himself to get it. And he saw now how he sat with his shoulders slumped and his hand over his eyes, the picture of misery for what he had done. And in the end, the kind little hobbit in him won out over the angry one, and he reached out and squeezed Fili by the forearm.

"Well," he said slowly, "I will not say it was the right thing to do. But you did not know that he did not drink the tea last night, and so you can hardly blame yourself."

Fili shook his head, though he took his hand from his eyes. "You are kind to try to excuse me," he said. "I wish I could agree with you. But I knew - I knew he was unhappy. I told myself it was because of the dream, but I knew it was not." He closed his eyes, seeming on the verge of tears. "I wanted him to sleep. I wanted to be able to sleep myself." And now he opened his eyes again and gave a bitter laugh. "And there is the great joke, for I have not slept a moment since then, but have only sat and watched him and remembered the words that I said. How I have done the worst thing for my brother, and only because I was tired and wanted to sleep."

"Now, that is quite ridiculous," Bilbo said, for it was really far too early in the morning for such theatrics. "You have made a mistake, certainly, and perhaps you were not quite blameless in the matter. But it is hardly the worst thing that anyone has ever done to your brother."

Fili's eyes widened at that, and Bilbo quickly raised his hands.

"I am not speaking of the orcs, for of course there can be no comparison at all there," he said quickly. "My dear Fili, I do think you have taken too many things on yourself these past months." In fact, Bilbo was privately of the opinion that Fili had been taking too many things on himself ever since they found Kili, and most probably for all the years before that, too, since the orcs first took his brother, and perhaps even before that. So many years of feeling responsible for things he could not possibly have helped, and barely more than a child himself at that - it was no wonder the lad seemed quite exhausted.

"And who else is there, if not me?" Fili asked, somewhat incredulously. "I am his brother!"

"You are, of course you are," Bilbo said, patting his arm. "But even brothers cannot be perfect all the time. And goodness knows, looking after your brother can be quite a trial on occasion."

Fili scowled at him as if Bilbo had just suggested that honey was not sweet, but then his frown dissolved into an expression of despair. "I am not strong enough," he murmured. "Not as you are, Mr. Baggins."

Well, that was quite enough of that! Bilbo stood up abruptly, glaring down at Fili. "Now, I am willing to let this foolish behaviour escape my notice, since I know you are so very tired," he said, rather crossly. "Nonetheless, I will not hear any more of it, do you understand? You are quite the strongest dwarf I know, except perhaps for your brother, and perhaps you would be even more so if you had been tested as he has. So there will be no more of this talk in my house, or I will have something to say about it!"

Fili gaped at him, and Bilbo nodded as if he had agreed wholeheartedly.

"Good," he said. "Now, I am going to make you some breakfast, and then you are going back to bed. I will make you some valerian tea if you wish, but you will not get up again until you have slept at least four hours, and preferably more."

Fili glanced towards the living room. "But Kili-" he started.

"Kili does not need you to watch him every moment of the day," Bilbo said firmly. "He does need you to be well-rested so that you do not make any more foolish decisions." Fili winced at this, and Bilbo felt a twinge of guilt, but indeed, it had been Fili's exhaustion that had led him to do what he did, and Bilbo would not make that out to be anything other than it was, if only to persuade Fili that he truly needed to sleep. "Do we understand each other?" he asked.

Fili hesitated a moment, then nodded, though rather sullenly. "I do not need tea, though," he said. "I think I could fall asleep standing up, if I let myself."

Bilbo leaned on the table, letting his face soften a little. "Well, I will not make you drink any, then," he said, though he knew it was rather unfair, and he saw from the way Fili's shoulders sank a little that he had not missed the allusion.

It seemed Bilbo was still a little angry, after all.

* * *

True to his word, Fili fell asleep almost before he had finished lying down in the bed in the room the two dwarves shared, and Bilbo watched him for a moment to make sure he would not wake before sighing and going back to his morning bustling. He cleaned everything he could find to clean, made and ate second breakfast (feeling, in truth, rather lonely, which was odd considering that before he had opened his door to a company of unruly dwarves a little more than a year before he had taken almost every meal by himself), and then sat and pondered what to do next. A small noise from the living room interrupted his thoughts, and he jumped to his feet and hurried through the door to see Kili frowning in his sleep and seeming to be trying to speak.

"Kili?" Bilbo said, and he sat in Fili's chair, which of course was pulled up right next to his brother's, and shook his shoulder a little, for it was clear the little dwarf was in some deal of distress. "Come, now, lad, time to wake up."

For a minute or two, it seemed that Kili could not manage to pull himself out of sleep, and Bilbo shook him harder, watching the struggle on his face with some concern. Finally, Kili's eyes opened, and although Bilbo jerked back, aware from long experience that it did not do to be too close to the little dwarf when he woke from a nightmare, Kili did not lash out with his fists or feet, nor yet did his eyes snap open as they usually did. Instead, his eyelids rose only to half-mast, and he blinked sluggishly at Bilbo.

"Are you awake?" Bilbo said. Kili only blinked again, but he seemed no longer afraid, and Bilbo decided that that meant his dream was over. "Good," he said. "Well, it is about time! You have slept half the morning away."

Kili did not reply to this, and Bilbo decided that perhaps Fili had used more of the valerian root than was strictly necessary when he had prepared the tea. "Breakfast, then," he said to Kili, and tugged his arm until he stood up, perhaps slightly less steady than was normal but seemingly otherwise none the worse for wear as he followed Bilbo through to the kitchen. But although he ate everything that was set in front of him (without the least hint of table manners, as always), his movements seemed much slower than usual, and it seemed he had to pause and think a moment before each bite that he took. When Bilbo offered him tea, he looked most reluctant, and Bilbo quickly found him a cup of water instead. And through all of this, though Bilbo chattered away as cheerfully as he could, fussing over Kili as he picked the now-wilted daisies from his hair, Kili spoke not a word.

Eventually, Bilbo's worry overcame his desire to seem normal, and he sat down beside Kili and put a gentle hand on his arm.

"You are very quiet this morning," he said. "Do you feel unwell?"

Kili did not seem to have heard him, and Bilbo took his chin and lifted it so he could see into his eyes. They seemed a little unfocussed, but his gaze was not roving, nor did he refuse to look Bilbo in the eye. It was only that he seemed somehow turned in on himself, and although Bilbo was quite accustomed to the way that the little dwarf retreated often into his thoughts, this degree of silence after what had occurred with Fili made him decidedly uneasy.

"Will you answer me?" he said. "Can you at least answer me, Kili, so that I know you have not forgotten how to speak?"

Kili stared at him a moment. "Not forgot," he said, and Bilbo sighed and let go of his chin.

"Well, then," he said. "Are you angry with your brother for making you drink the tea, is that it?"

Kili frowned then, as if he could not quite understand what Bilbo had said. "Angry?" he said. "Why angry?"

"Well, because - because you did not want to do it, but he made you anyway," Bilbo said.

Kili seemed rather mystified by this, and he stared down at the table for a long time before answering. When he did, it was only to shake his head slowly.

"I am not angry," he said.

Bilbo sighed. Perhaps, indeed, it was just the lingering effects of the herb that made Kili seem so absent. In any case, it was clear there would be no scintillating conversation that morning, and so he dug out his pipe and a book and took Kili out to the bench, for it was a warm sunny morning, perhaps one of the last few that would be suitable for sitting outdoors before autumn began to close in, and Bilbo thought that the fresh air might do his friend some good.

* * *

It was late in the morning when Bilbo espied the little figure of Esmeralda tripping up the pathway towards Bag End, carrying an empty basket over her arm. He smiled, hoping that his little cousin might be more successful than he had been in drawing Kili out of his dark thoughts, for although he had read many passages from his book to the little dwarf, and chattered about everything he could think of, as the morning had worn on he seemed only to grow quieter and less responsive. And although he was no longer sluggish in his reactions nor unfocussed in his eyes, he seemed to have exchanged these lingering effects of the valerian for a downcast demeanour and a tendency to stare into the middle distance and appear not to be listening at all to what Bilbo was saying.

"Ah, see who is coming!" Bilbo said, nudging Kili where he sat beside him on the bench. "It is your new friend."

Kili did not seem in the least interested in this pronouncement, and did not turn to watch Esmeralda approach. She was beaming brightly and waved at Bilbo, and Bilbo waved back, smiling himself, for how could a child such as this fail to cheer anyone's soul?

"Mr. Kili!" Esmeralda said when she reached the bench, and then quickly bobbed a curtsey at Bilbo. "And Mr. Bilbo, hello Mr. Bilbo," she said.

"Hello Esmeralda," Bilbo said. "It is a fine morning, is it not?"

Esmeralda nodded enthusiastically, and turned back to Kili. "Mr. Kili," she said again, "will you come and find mushrooms with me? My mama said if I can find a whole basket, she will make mushroom pie for dinner!"

She took hold of Kili's hand and tugged at it, and Kili rose from the bench and stumbled a step or two after her, but his eyes remained downcast, and he seemed not really to be paying attention to where he was going. Bilbo's heart sank, and he stood up, too.

"I'm not sure Mr. Kili wants to come mushroom-gathering with you today, my dear," he said.

Esmeralda gazed up at him, then at Kili, who stood silent and still now that she had stopped pulling at him. "Don't you want to come, Mr. Kili?" she asked. "I know where all the best mushrooms grow! And maybe mama will let you come to dinner and have some of the pie!"

Kili stared down at her as if he could not understand what she was saying, and Bilbo hastily stepped forwards and disentangled her little hand from his, clasping it instead between his own. "Dear Esmeralda," he said, "Mr. Kili is not feeling very well today. Why don't you go and find one of your young cousins to help you pick mushrooms?"

Esmeralda looked from Bilbo to Kili and back, frowning a little. "Is it because his scars hurt?" she said, in what was probably meant to be a whisper but was certainly loud enough for Kili to hear, if indeed he was listening at all.

Bilbo smiled and patted her on the shoulder. "In a way, I suppose it is," he said. "Now run along, and if there is any mushroom pie left, you must bring it for us to try!"

Esmeralda did not look very happy with this compromise, but she nodded obediently and wandered back down the pathway, though rather slowly and glancing back at times. Bilbo watched her go and then turned back to Kili with a sigh.

"I can see that it will be a rather difficult day," he said.

* * *

Fili awoke shortly after lunch, and came into the kitchen, his hair in disarray and his eyes still shadowed, though his face was significantly less pale. Bilbo did not miss the careful way he slipped past the open door that led to the living room, where Kili sat silent in his chair, as if he could somehow escape notice. Such a thing was hopeless, as Fili must have known as well as Bilbo did: Kili seemed to always be sharply alert to his surroundings, even when, as today, he for the most part refused to respond to them, and of course his chair faced the door. Nonetheless, Kili made no sign that he had seen his brother, and Fili sank down at the kitchen table just as he had early that morning. Bilbo, who had just finished putting the lunch dishes away, sat down next to him and patted his shoulder.

"Well, you look less exhausted, at any rate," he said. "Though you should certainly go to bed early tonight."

"Kili is awake," Fili said.

"Indeed he is," replied Bilbo. "He woke an hour or two after you went back to bed."

"And he is-" Fili started, and then looked worriedly at Bilbo. "He is not - upset?"

Bilbo took a moment before answering to consider how best to avoid further distressing his friend. "He is - he is not angry," he said, deciding this, at least, might soothe Fili's fears. "But he is rather - distant."

"Distant?" Fili said. "What does that mean?"

"Well, perhaps you should talk to him and find out for yourself," Bilbo suggested, though his tone was light-hearted and he smiled as he said it. Fili, though, only glanced towards the living room and looked apprehensive. Bilbo leaned forward and laid a hand on Fili's arm.

"He is not angry with you," he said. "I promise."

Fili shook his head, still staring at the doorway. "Why not?" he murmured, but he did not seem to expect an answer.

* * *

Eventually, Fili did indeed scrape together the courage to go to his brother, and Bilbo, of course, went with him, for he was not at all sure how well the meeting might go, given Fili's apparently rather fragile state of mind. Fili stopped just inside the doorway of the living room, seeming unsure, but Kili did not look up from his thoughts or make any acknowledgement, and Bilbo gave Fili a gentle push. A push from a hobbit was not, of course, enough to budge a dwarf who did not want to be moved, but Fili nonetheless took a step forward and finally made his way to the chair where he always sat, next to his brother. He sat down and watched Kili for a long moment, and Kili sat still and silent and apparently deep in thought. Finally, Fili shifted a little and spoke.

"Good morning, my brother," he said.

Kili did not respond to this, and Bilbo took pity on Fili and slipped across the room, shaking Kili gently by the shoulder.

"Your brother is speaking to you," he said.

Kili blinked and looked up at him, then over at Fili. He frowned. "It not is morning," he said. He looked back up at Bilbo. "Morning is before lunch."

Bilbo chuckled a little at this, and even Fili seemed slightly less dejected. "Well, good afternoon, then," he said. "And - and are you well?"

It was odd, this stilted formality from Fili, who was normally draped all over his brother as soon as he was anywhere in the vicinity. Kili seemed to think so, too, for he stared at Fili with a frown, as if he could not quite understand the question. Fili seemed to find it hard to meet his gaze, and when he finally did, there was an expression of great remorse on his face.

"I am sorry," he said. "I am so sorry for what I did."

This did not seem to enlighten Kili in the slightest. He glanced quickly at Bilbo, then back at Fili. "Why sorry?" he asked. "What you did?"

"I am sorry for making you drink the valerian tea, even though I knew you did not want to," Fili said. He hung his head. "I can make no excuse for myself."

Bilbo was about to suggest that in fact, there were several excuses that Fili might make, although none of them in themselves were probably enough to quite wipe away his guilt, but Kili was still frowning.

"I not understand," he said. "Why sorry?"

Fili looked up at him with a frown, and Bilbo sat down opposite them both and leaned forward, touching Kili's knee to get his attention.

"For the tea," he said, being sure to enunciate clearly. "Your brother is sorry for making you drink the valerian tea last night."

Kili now stared at Bilbo with a rather mystified expression. "Yes," he said slowly, as if he was not quite convinced he had understood correctly. "I did drink tea."

"Yes, you did," Fili said. "And I am sorry that I made you do it." He raised his eyebrows at Bilbo, but Bilbo could no more understand what it was that was tripping Kili up than Fili could. "I am sorry," Fili said again. "Do you understand?"

Kili sat silent for a long moment, digesting this. Then he shook his head. "Sorry is do thing wrong, yes?" he said. "It is not wrong. You wanted I drink tea, I did drink tea. It is not wrong. Why you are sorry?"

"It is wrong because it was supposed to be your choice," Fili said. "You chose not to drink it."

Kili nodded. "Yes," he said, "I did not drink before. You said-" he looked now at Bilbo, as if for confirmation, "-you said I must choose, drink or not drink. I did choose not drink, did not drink." He nodded again, glancing from Fili to Bilbo. "I did choose," he said again, as if appealing to them to agree with him.

"Yes, you did," Bilbo said. "And I know it was not easy. And that is why what your brother did was wrong, do you see? Because you had made that choice and then he made a different one for you. It is not his right to choose for you, especially when you have already chosen something different for yourself."

Kili stared at Bilbo for a long moment, as if working his way through what he had said. Then he frowned.

"It is not same," he said. "I did choose before, in evening, before sleep. Fili said me drink tea in night. Hours already later."

Fili leaned forward then, resting his hand on his brother's arm. "But had you changed your mind?" he asked. "Had you decided you wanted to drink the tea, after all?"

Kili looked a little doubtful. "How I know this?" he asked.

This seemed to rather perplex Fili (as indeed it did Bilbo). "You - what do you mean?" he asked. "Did you want to, or not?"

Kili shook his head. "I not know," he said. "I did choose in evening."

Fili opened his mouth, but apparently could not invent a reply to this mysterious statement, and Bilbo found himself jumping in, although he felt hardly equipped to do so.

"Why don't you describe for us what happened?" he said. "Then maybe we can see what it is we're misunderstanding."

Kili looked from Bilbo to Fili and then back. "You said me choose," he said, rather cautiously, Bilbo thought. "In evening. I must choose drink tea, not drink tea. Yes?"

"Yes," Bilbo said. "Go on."

Kili nodded. "I did choose not drink," he said. "I did sleep, waked - woke up." He glanced at Fili. "Fili said me drink tea, I did drink, did sleep more." He paused. "That is what happened," he said.

"And," Bilbo said, rather slowly, for he was trying to imagine his way into the little dwarf's thought processes, "when you woke up in the night, did you want to drink the tea then?"

Kili went rather still at this, his face suddenly troubled. "Fili not said me choose," he said.

Fili looked guilt-stricken at this, and Bilbo patted his arm without removing his attention from Kili. "I did not ask you whether Fili asked you to choose," he said. "I asked you whether you wanted to drink the tea."

"How I can know?" Kili asked, frowning now. "Fili not asked me choose, I not did choose. I should always choose, even if not ask?"

"It is not about choosing," Bilbo said. "It is not about making a conscious choice. It is about what you want. What you want is not something you have to think about, it is not like a choice. You just know."

Kili sat back a little in his chair at this, looking rather surprised. "I should know?" he said. "How I know if not think?"

Fili looked at Bilbo with a pleading expression. "I cannot explain it," he said. "Mr. Baggins, can you?"

Bilbo sighed and thought for a moment, then decided that perhaps an example would help.

"All right, my lad," he said. "Imagine that I want to smoke my pipe." He did not have a pipe on his person, but he mimed lighting one and putting it in his mouth contentedly. "Now you see," he said, making sure to remove his imaginary pipe from his mouth before speaking, "I wanted to smoke it, so I have chosen to do so. Now, I will keep smoking my pipe until I do not want to any more, and then I will choose not to smoke it. I might want to keep smoking it only for a few minutes, or I might want to keep smoking it for hours and hours. Do you understand?" He gestured at Kili with the imaginary pipe. "Once you have made a choice, you have made it, and it will be the same until you decide you want something else, no matter how much time goes by."

Kili had been sitting listening to Bilbo's speech with careful concentration, and now he sat back a little in his armchair and seemed to consider it. Finally, he turned to Bilbo with a worried look.

"You know what you want always?" he said, as if expecting to be told he had misunderstood. "Not need think, always know?"

"Well, most of the time, certainly," Bilbo said, and then he understood the implication behind Kili's words, and felt realisation begin to dawn. "Kili - But do you mean to say you don't?"

Kili sat very still for a long moment, then slowly shook his head, looking from Bilbo to Fili, the worry on his face growing. "I should know," he said. "Should not need think. It is right? I should know without think?"

"Well-" Bilbo said, feeling rather out of his depth. He could not imagine what it was like not to know what one wanted, to have to consider it carefully like the answer to a difficult arithmetic problem.

"It is not your fault," Fili said quickly, although he, too, looked like he was having some trouble understanding how Kili could not simply know what he wanted. "You cannot help-" he stopped, as if he did not quite want to voice what it was that Kili could not help.

"Certainly you cannot help it," Bilbo said. "But it is something you must learn. Kili, it is very important that you learn how to recognise what it is you want, for otherwise you cannot make choices for yourself."

Kili looked rather alarmed at this. He looked quickly at Fili. "Why I need make choose?" he asked. "Fili did choose, can choose."

"I cannot choose for you, my brother," Fili said, raising his hands sharply as if he wished to recuse himself from any further intervention in his brother's life, though of course that was quite impossible.

Kili frowned at him. "Why not you choose?" he said. "You know how choose. I not know, choose wrong."

"I am the one who chose wrong," Fili said, looking as though he was about to sink back into his feelings of guilt. Bilbo patted his arm.

"Fili," he said, "could you fetch me some fruit from the kitchen, please? Two pieces, if you please."

Fili looked somewhat confused by this request, but he did as he was asked readily enough, returning with an apple and a pear. Bilbo took one in each hand and held them out to Kili.

"Now, then," he said. "You can have one, but only one. Which one do you want?"

Kili stared at him. Bilbo nodded and shook the fruit a little bit. Kili glanced at his brother, but he was no help, watching carefully and keeping his face blank.

"Come, now," Bilbo said. "If you were completely alone in the world and there was no-one there to see, which one would you want to eat?" On impulse, he closed his eyes. "I cannot even see you," he said. "Which one do you want?"

There was a silence, and then Fili said, "I am not looking either, my brother," and Bilbo knew he, too, had closed his eyes. After this came a long moment when nothing happened at all, and then there was a hesitant touch to the apple in Bilbo's left hand, and a moment later the weight of it was gone.

Bilbo opened his eyes. Kili was sitting with the apple in his hand and a look of apprehension on his face. When he saw Bilbo looking at him, he bowed his head, but Bilbo reached out and lifted it again.

"None of that," he said with a smile. "You have done very well, my dear lad."

Fili opened his eyes then, and he smiled, too, when he saw the apple in his brother's hand. "And I would have chosen the pear for you," he said. "So you see, I cannot be the one to choose, because I will not get it right."

Kili, however, did not look entirely happy. "I should always think?" he said. "I should think all day, for everything? Even this? It is not important, apple or pear."

"It is always important," Fili said, his voice very serious. Kili looked unconvinced by this, and Bilbo gave him a reassuring pat.

"I'm sure it will get easier with practice," Bilbo said. "And I will help you, and so will your brother, and you must not fret too much about it. But yes, Kili. You must start thinking about what you want. You do not have to be perfect at it straight away, but you must try. Will you try?"

Kili's mouth twisted a little, but then he nodded.

"I try," he said.

Bilbo smiled at him.

"Good lad," he said.

* * *

It was not very much time later that there came a little knock at the door. Fili, who had been reading to his brother, paused and looked up at Bilbo with raised eyebrows. Kili gave no sign that he had heard it.

"I hope it is not a Sackville-Baggins," Bilbo said with a smile, and got to his feet, going to the door and opening it to find Esmeralda on the other side, still wearing the dress she had had on that morning, though it was rather muddy now and the basket was gone from her arm, replaced by a little rag-doll grasped firmly in her tiny hand.

"Hello, Mr. Bilbo," she said.

"Esmeralda," Bilbo said. "I have told you Mr. Kili does not want to play today, have I not?"

Esmeralda nodded vigorously. "But I brought him a present," she said. "To cheer him up."

Bilbo let his expression soften a little at this. "A present, is it?" he said. "Well, I suppose you must give it to him, then."

He stepped back from the door and allowed the little hobbitling to slip through, following her closely as she found her way into the living room. She smiled widely at the sight of Kili and Fili, and hurried quickly over to them.

"Mr. Kili," she said, "I have brought you a present!" And she held out the little rag doll to him.

Kili blinked and seemed to drag himself from his thoughts with some effort. He stared at the doll, and then looked up at Bilbo.

"It is a present for you," Bilbo said, a little concerned at Kili's reticence, for he had been given many presents in the past year and had come to accept them readily. "She is giving it to you."

At this familiar phrase, Kili reached out and took the doll, turning it over in his hands with interest. "Thank you, Esmalda," he said, and then looked up again at Bilbo. "What it is?"

"It's my dolly," Esmeralda informed him. "Her name is Celandine."

"Celandine," repeated Kili. "It is flower."

"Yes, a yellow one," Esmeralda said. "Yellow is the best colour, that's why I called her that." She reached up then and patted Kili on the arm. "She always cheers me up when I'm sad, that's why I gave her to you."

Kili stared down at the doll as if in great wonder. Bilbo smiled at Esmeralda.

"It is very kind indeed," he said. "But won't you need her next time you are sad?"

"Oh, but I am only sad not very often at all!" Esmeralda said. "Mr. Kili is sad all the time. That's why he should have her!"

This pronouncement caused quite a pang in Bilbo's heart, which had already been through a great deal that day and the days before, and was beginning to feel rather bruised. Fili, too, looked a little misty-eyed. Only Kili, who seemed quite captivated by the doll and perhaps had not been listening at all, seemed unaffected.

"Well, that is a noble thing, my dear," Bilbo said, after clearing his throat rather loudly. "A noble thing indeed. You are a very good girl, I hope you know."

Esmeralda puffed up her chest a little. "Papa is always telling me," she said, beaming.

"Well, your papa is a wise man," Bilbo said. "Mr. Kili is very lucky to have a friend like you."

Esmeralda nodded as if this was well-known information, and then patted Kili's knee.

"I am going home now, Mr. Kili," she said. "I hope you feel better soon." And she ran off before Kili had the chance to formulate a reply, which, in all fairness, might perhaps have taken him some time. Fili watched her go, his mouth a little agape.

"You hobbits are quite extraordinary creatures, Mr. Baggins," he said.

"Ah, well, mostly we are very ordinary indeed," Bilbo said with a smile. "But Tooks, you know, Tooks can be a little strange at times."

Fili turned his attention back to his brother, then. Kili was once more staring down at the doll, which seemed rather tiny in his large dwarvish hand. He brushed the fingertips of his other hand over its hair, frowning deeply at it, and Fili leaned forward and laid a hand on his arm.

"You had one once," he said. "Do you remember?"

Kili glanced up and shook his head, then went back to staring at the doll. Fili did not look disappointed - it seemed he had not really expected his brother to remember - but merely continued in a low voice.

"Mother made it for you when you were only a baby," he said. "It was almost as big as you were. And then when you learned to walk, you would drag it with you everywhere, until you decided you were much too old for such childish trifles." A slight shadow crossed his face, and Bilbo thought that that must have been a rather painful day in some ways for their mother, and perhaps even for Fili, young though he would have been. But Fili returned to his tale, and Bilbo sat holding his breath, for it was rare indeed to hear him tell stories from the time before the orcs had shattered his little family.

"We didn't know you had kept it," he said, pressing in close to his brother's chair. "Even I didn't know, until after-" And now a much greater shadow fell on Fili's face, and he turned away from his brother and looked instead at Bilbo. "We found it stuffed in a corner of the cupboard," he said. "It must have been there for decades. I do not know why he didn't throw it away."

Bilbo nodded, feeling his throat burn a little as he imagined Fili and Thorin and sad-eyed, solemn Dis searching for any crumb of Kili they could find in the aftermath of their devastation. "Where is it now?" he asked.

Fili's eyes took on a distant look. "Buried," he said. "Buried with someone else's bones. My mother - she was not well after Kili - after everything that happened. She buried everything of his, though Thorin begged her not to."

Tears rose unbidden to Bilbo's eyes, and he blinked them away and grasped Fili's hand between both of his own. "I am so sorry, my dear friend," he said, for there was nothing else he could think of to say.

Fili smiled sadly at him, and then turned again to his brother. "It was very like this doll," he said. "But the hair was different."

"Yellow," said Kili, rather distantly, his fingertips still stroking the doll's woollen hair.

Fili's mouth fell open a little and his eyes grew round. "Yes," he said wonderingly. "Yes, it had yellow hair."

Kili nodded slowly, not looking up from the doll. "Have braids," he murmured. "It did have braids, yes?"

Fili made a noise rather like a sob and lunged abruptly forwards, half-climbing into his brother's chair in his haste to drag him into his arms. Kili seemed momentarily nonplussed, but then something of realisation dawned on his face, and he leaned forward into his brother and allowed himself to be embraced, resting his chin on Fili's shoulders and even pressing his own hands to Fili's back, one still clutching the doll. He stared at Bilbo over Fili's shoulder.

"I remember this," he said, as if he was not quite sure.

Bilbo beamed at him and nodded, and Fili pulled back and pressed his forehead to his brother's, his hands one on either side of Kili's face. He was weeping, Bilbo saw.

"Yes, you have, o my brother," he murmured. "You have remembered this indeed."

Fili held his brother in this way for several moments, and Kili allowed himself to be held, but when Fili pulled back and swiped a hand across his eyes, Kili frowned and held up the doll.

"I give this you," he said.

"What?" Fili said. "No, Kili. It is yours, it was given to you."

Kili nodded. "Esmalda said it is for when sad," he said. "You are sad now, I give you."

"Oh!" Fili said, and he smiled, though it was rather tearful, and indeed his seemed on the verge of weeping again. "Oh, I am not sad. I am happy. I am weeping because I am so happy. And - and I am still rather tired, I suppose." He gave Bilbo a rather sheepish look, but Bilbo was too busy trying to hold back his own tears to do much more than nod back at him.

Kili did not look quite convinced by this, but Fili took his free hand and folded it around the hand that held the doll. "It is yours, my brother," he said. "It is your treasure, and no-one else's."

Kili nodded slowly, taking the doll back and staring down at it again. "It is not same," he said, as if to himself. "Other did have yellow hair."

At this, Fili leaped suddenly to his feet. "I am going out," he announced in a rather strangled voice. "I will - I will come back before dark."

"Gracious, master dwarf," Bilbo said, getting up himself. "Where are you going, and in such a hurry?"

"I need- I need-" Fili said, and then seemed to need a moment to compose himself. "I am only going for a walk," he said, and his eyes again looked suspiciously bright.

"Well, then," Bilbo said, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze. "You should take an umbrella, for it seems to be intending rain. They are in the stand, by the door."

Fili nodded once, but did not speak, his jaw clenched tight. He threw one quick glance at his brother and then turned and strode away, clomping out of the door without, Bilbo noted, taking an umbrella at all (although in truth, Bilbo was not entirely sure he knew what an umbrella was for, for he had never seen one in all the time he had spent in Erebor).

Kili watched his brother go with a rather troubled expression, then turned to Bilbo.

"Fili is angry?" he asked.

"No," Bilbo said with a smile, sitting down again. "Your brother is certainly not angry."

Kili frowned at him. "Not is angry, not is sad. Why he is be so strange?"

Bilbo chuckled a little at this. "Well, he is very tired," he said. "When we are tired, our feelings are much stronger, or at least, we are less able to hide them. And dwarves do not much like to show their feelings, although your brother is certainly less foolish about such things than your uncle is."

Kili looked back down at his doll. "Uncle Thorin," he murmured, as if reminding himself. Then he frowned. "I am as well tired."

"Well," Bilbo said, "and are all your feelings stronger than usual?"

Kili's frown deepened. "I not know," he said. "Not know what feeling." He gave Bilbo a worried look. "It is wrong," he said. "I am tired, should have strong feeling."

"No, my lad," Bilbo said, "it is not wrong at all. No-one can help the way they feel."

Kili nodded slowly, still stroking the doll's hair, though he did not seem particularly aware that he was doing it. Bilbo sighed and settled into Fili's chair, picking up the book that he had laid down when Esmeralda knocked.

"Now," he said, taking out his pipe, "where were we?"


	5. Chapter 5

When Bilbo had finished reading the story that Esmeralda had interrupted, he peered out of the window at the lowering clouds, wished again that Fili had taken an umbrella, and then turned to his bookshelf.

"Now, then, master dwarf," he said, carefully selecting two volumes and turning to Kili. "Which book would you like me to read from next?" He held up the two books so that Kili could see them and made a questioning face.

Kili stared at him and then looked away with a frown. "You are choose," he said. "I not know book."

"Well, why do you not look at them?" Bilbo asked. He laid the two books on Kili's lap and waited expectantly.

Kili made no move to open either of them. "I not know," he insisted. "I not can read. Not can choose."

Bilbo pressed his lips together and restrained himself from making a comment about the stubbornness of dwarves. He did not want to order Kili to choose, for the contradiction in this was by no means lost on him. On the other hand, he suspected that the only way to persuade Kili to start making his own choices was to force the issue, for certainly the little dwarf would never volunteer to do so, and it seemed he was most reluctant even when asked politely.

"I have told you that you must learn to do this, have I not?" he said finally, in as gentle a tone as he could. "There is no wrong choice here, my lad. All you need do is pick one." And he leaned forward and opened both books, flicking through each one until he found the first illustration. "You see, this one is about fairies," he said, pointing to the picture. "And the other is about elves."

Kili ignored him for a moment, but when Bilbo patted him insistently on the arm and pointed at the pictures again, he turned his head to look at them. He touched the faces of each of the figures portrayed, slowly and carefully, and then he looked up at Bilbo.

"I must choose?" he asked, and Bilbo found himself on the verge of giving in at the look on his face, but he succeeded in hardening his heart (so far as a hobbit's heart can be hardened, which is not very far at all) and nodded firmly.

"Please," he said.

Kili looked back down at the pictures, then touched the faces in one of the pictures again. He did not speak, but looked quickly up at Bilbo and back down at the book.

"That one?" Bilbo asked. "The fairies?" He had, of course, anticipated that Kili would not want to hear about elves, and for that very reason had chosen a book about them as one of the two choices. Nonetheless, the obviousness of the choice did little to quell the little flame of victory that lit in his heart.

Kili nodded once and pulled his hands abruptly back from the books, hunching over himself a little so that Bilbo had the feeling that if he had not had the two open books on his lap, he would have pulled his knees up in front of him. It was a mildly disturbing reaction, but Bilbo affected not to have noticed, and simply took the books from Kili's lap (and indeed, the little dwarf did now curl up rather), replacing the one about elves on the shelf and opening the one about fairies to the first page.

"And you are happy to listen to more stories?" he asked before he started. "You don't want to do something else?"

Kili peered up at him through his hair, and Bilbo decided that perhaps one choice was enough for now.

"Well, then," he said, and began to read.

* * *

Fili had still not returned by afternoon tea, and Bilbo set out the dishes and cups and worried a little as the first fat drops of rain spattered against the window, and then worried a little more about how agitated Kili appeared to be.

"What is the matter, master dwarf?" he asked, but Kili simply stared at him and shook his head as if he was not sure what Bilbo meant. Bilbo decided it was most likely just a reaction to the various happenings of the day, and wondered how a day spent entirely in and around his comfortable hobbit hole could manage to be so fraught with difficulty and exhaustion. Bilbo had certainly never imagined that dealing with dwarves would be a simple task, but even when they had been knocking his door down and throwing food around his kitchen, he had not conceived of just how complicated life might become if he threw his lot in with them.

But thrown his lot was, for better or worse (and on most days, Bilbo thought it was probably for better, or at least if he had been offered the choice to retreat to his comfortable old solitary life and lose Fili and Kili's company, he would certainly have turned it down), and so he spent half an hour offering Kili choices of food and drink, until the little dwarf began to look rather morose and to draw back into himself more than Bilbo liked, at which point he decided that perhaps enough was enough. And when the dishes were cleared away and it had begun to rain in earnest, he peered once more out of the window and frowned.

"I do not know where that brother of yours has got to," he said. "He must be getting thoroughly soaked!"

Kili followed Bilbo's gaze and stared at the rain. "Where he is gone?" he asked. "He is be come again soon?"

"It is _will_," Bilbo said. "You remember _will_? _Will he come back soon_."

"Will, yes," Kili said, turning to stare at Bilbo. "He will?"

Bilbo frowned at him a moment, then turned to frown at the window instead. It seemed almost dark outside, though it was still mid-afternoon, and the sky was an odd sort of grey-green.

"I will go and find him," he decided. "I can at least take him an umbrella." He turned to Kili. "If I go out, will you be all right on your own? You will not get lonely?"

"I will not lonely," Kili said. "You will come again soon?"

Bilbo patted his shoulder. "Of course I will," he said. "If you get hungry, there is some food left in the pantry, although I think I will need to send your brother to the market again tomorrow."

And with that, he took two umbrellas from the stand by the door, found the waxed overcoat that he very rarely wore, for it was heavy and rather large on him, and stepped out of the door, wondering how on earth he was going to find one dwarf in the whole of the Shire.

As it turned out, though, he did not have to look far at all for Fili: the young dwarf was seated on the bench up against the hillside, his hair plastered to his head by the rain and his moustache braids dripping onto his lap. Bilbo made a squeak of surprise and hurried over to him, opening his second umbrella as he did so.

"Why, Master Fili!" he said. "What in the world are you doing sitting out here in the rain? You are quite soaked through!"

"Mr. Baggins," Fili said, and smiled weakly at him. When Bilbo got a closer look, he saw that Fili looked rather dreadful: his eyes were red and raw, and his skin seemed sallow, although that might perhaps have been the strange thundery light. Bilbo hesitated for a moment, then sat down beside Fili and held the umbrella over his head.

"Surely you have not been out here all this time?" Bilbo asked. "Why did you not come inside?"

Fili wiped the water out of his eyes with the back of his hand and cleared his throat a little. "No, I was not here," he said. "I was walking, as I said, but I turned back when it started to rain."

Bilbo tutted. "And then when you got here you decided to sit outside in it anyway?" he asked. "I do not believe I shall ever understand dwarves!"

Fili laughed a little at this, though he seemed rather hoarse. "I just wanted-" he said, and then shook his head. "I was certainly going to come inside in a moment. It was only that I felt rather - hot. I was afraid it might be quite stuffy in there."

"Hot?" Bilbo asked in some astonishment, for the air was much cooler than it had been that morning, and surely it must have felt cooler still to Fili, drenched as he was.

Fili gave him a rather despairing look, and Bilbo saw that although he was now sheltered from the rain beneath the umbrella, his face was still wet.

"Ah," he said, feeling both enlightened and rather worried. "I see. Hot."

Fili nodded and turned his face away, and Bilbo felt a great pang in his heart. He considered for a moment simply allowing Fili his comfortable fiction and letting him be. But he had learned a great deal about dwarves in the past year, and one of the things he had learned was that it did not do to let them stew in their own juices for very long.

"But my dear friend," he said, shuffling so that they both could fit under one umbrella and then discarding the second one so that he could lay his free hand on Fili's arm, "there is no shame in a few tears now and then. It is certainly unnecessary to let yourself get half-drowned just so we will not see you."

Fili looked rather pained at this being stated so boldly, but, to Bilbo's relief, he did not try to deny that he was crying. "I know, Mr. Baggins, and you are very kind," he said, though he still kept his face turned half away. "It is only that I do not want to worry Kili. He would not understand."

"No, I am sure he would not," Bilbo said. "He is quite confused already, I must say. But you cannot always be thinking of your brother, my lad. Sometimes you must also think of yourself."

Fili's lips twitched into a small, strange smile at that. "I do not understand, either," he said quietly, and wiped his hand across his eyes again.

Bilbo frowned at him. "What is it that you do not understand?" he asked.

"Why it is that I am weeping," Fili said, his voice cracking on the last word. "And why it is that I cannot seem to stop." And now he turned to look at Bilbo, and Bilbo saw that his strange smile was crooked, and seemed perhaps more like a grimace.

"Oh, my poor dear Fili," Bilbo said, and he put an arm around Fili's shoulders, although he could barely reach. "Things have been rather difficult for you lately, that is all."

"But it is as you say, Mr. Baggins," Fili said. "Everything is so much better than it was. My brother is alive, and he is safe, and I think he understands what he is to me, at least in part. Why, it was not much more than a year ago that I thought him long dead. I have no cause to weep, none at all - in fact, it is quite the opposite." And yet, even as he said this last, his shoulders shook slightly and his breath seemed to catch in his throat.

"Well, I suspect there was a great deal of weeping that you should have done before and did not," Bilbo said. "You dwarves are determined to pretend you are made of stone, but we hobbits know that it is better to let these things out when they first come to you, else you may find them pursuing you for many years to come. But now look here, master dwarf, there is no need to worry about whys and wherefores. If weep you must, then weep you may, and not fear to do so, for you are in the safest place in the world, and no-one will be out in this weather to see you."

Fili swallowed hard, and Bilbo smiled at him and pressed the umbrella into his hand.

"I am going back inside to see to your brother," he said. "I will not come out again for a little while. But mind you keep that umbrella up! I do not want you taking a chill."

Fili glanced up at the umbrella in some wonder, as if he had not even noticed it until this moment and was quite astonished at such a contraption. Bilbo patted him on the arm.

"Dwarves are quite ridiculous creatures, really," he said, and then stood up without waiting for an answer and hurried back through the rain to his front door. He glanced back before passing through, and saw that Fili was hunched over, his free hand covering his eyes and his shoulders shaking. Bilbo hesitated, for his first impulse was naturally to go back and pat the young dwarf a few more times. But of course, he had all but promised Fili he would let him be. And so he did, and slipped back into the cosy hobbit hole, leaving his friend alone in the rain.

* * *

Fili came inside perhaps an hour later, and Bilbo smiled and welcomed him and fussed over him a little, finding dry clothes and lighting a fire. Kili said nothing, but kept a careful eye on his brother from his corner. Whether he noticed Fili's bloodshot eyes and flushed cheeks, and whether he understood the significance of these if he did, Bilbo did not know. But certainly none of them spoke of such things, and when Fili was dressed and settled in front of the fire, Bilbo sat down in his armchair and lit his pipe again, and the room sank into a comfortable silence, broken only by the sound of the rain roaring through the trees and clattering on the window panes. As all creatures who have a cosy home know, the sound of rain outside when one is warm and safe inside serves only to make one feel warmer and safer, and so it was a peaceful and pleasant time of exactly the kind that Bilbo had envisioned when he had thought of how it would be spending the winter in the Shire with his friends. Dinner and supper passed away without incident, except that the rain grew even louder, and Bilbo shooed both dwarves off to bed when the supper things were not even cleared away, for Fili was plainly still exhausted, but Bilbo suspected he would not sleep if he was not close to his brother.

After he had finished setting the house in order, Bilbo sat by the fire for a time, smoking and listening to the rain. It was just as it had been on many, many nights in his life, when he had sat alone after supper with only his thoughts and his books and the gentle sounds of the Shire for company. And yet, so many things had changed in his life since Gandalf had appeared at his gate less than a year and a half before. Where once he would perhaps have been daydreaming about elves and the strange worlds that lay beyond the Brandywine, now he knew more than perhaps he might have wished to about those lands, and about elves, too, and the tenor of his memories was quite different and more distressing than the safe sort of thrill that had accompanied his daydreams of old. And where once he might have felt entirely peaceful, now there was a quiet concern that had been so long settled beneath all his other thoughts that he barely noticed it except at times like these. He wondered if he should ever quite banish it, even should his dwarf friends one day recover themselves enough that there was no cause to worry about them further. Perhaps he would not. And at that thought, he found himself pondering again whether it had been better, to be the hobbit he had been before, with only the ties of kinship and obligation and little to worry about beyond what he would have for breakfast the next day.

But such thoughts were quickly banished, for hobbits as a rule do not like to spend too long in introspection, and prefer instead to simply enjoy what they are given of life without regretting what they cannot have. In this, they differ greatly from dwarves, and that is why they are such a cheerful race on the whole, while dwarves are so frequently sunk in melancholy. Some see this as a lack of wisdom, and perhaps indeed it is, but if wisdom brings with it only sorrow, then hobbits want no part of it, but prefer to be foolish and happy - and perhaps that is the wisest choice of all. At any rate, Bilbo did not brood long upon his thoughts, but instead rose and put out his pipe and made his way to bed.

* * *

When Bilbo awoke, it was still dark, and the hobbit hole was quiet but for the muffled sound of rain hissing on the hillside. He was not sure what had awoken him, but he had had quite some experience of being awoken in the middle of the night in recent days, and so he shook off the fog of sleep and climbed out of bed, lighting a lamp and padding to the room where his guests were staying. Fili lay sprawled across the bed, fast asleep, with one arm thrown out towards the wall, the hand wrapped around Kili's ankle, but Kili, in his pillow-filled corner, had his eyes open, and stared at Bilbo as he entered the room. Bilbo paused, regarding him, and was about to ask if he had slept badly when Fili shifted in the bed and coughed sharply. The sound made Bilbo jump, and after a moment he identified it as the noise that had woken him up. It seemed Fili was weary enough that he was able to sleep through it, however, for he half-opened bleary eyes, coughed again, and then sank back into the pillow, his fingers flexing and tightening around his brother's ankle. Bilbo frowned at him a moment and tutted quietly to himself. Certainly he should not have allowed his young friend to sit outside in wet clothes for so long. But it was done now, and he padded over to the bed and laid a gentle hand on Fili's forehead to check for a fever. There was none, and Bilbo felt some relief at this, and smiled at Kili, whose eyes glittered a little in the lamplight.

"Did your brother wake you?" he asked in whisper, patting the little dwarf's arm. He paused, then, for although it was not obvious in the dim light, he could feel fine tremors running through Kili's body. He looked a little closer and saw that sweat was standing out on Kili's forehead, and the glitter of his eyes looked a little brighter than Bilbo would have liked.

"You had a bad dream, did you?" he asked then, and although Kili did not respond, Bilbo was sure from the way his head dropped a little that that must have been the case. After all, there had not been even one night since they arrived in the Shire when Kili had slept without being woken by whatever spectres of his past haunted him in the dark. He supposed he ought to be grateful that this dream, at least, seemed not to have set off any kind of violent reaction in Kili, although of course it would be much better if there were no dreams at all.

"I cannot take you outside, not in this weather," he whispered. "And there would be no stars anyway."

Kili shuddered then, a great shudder which had Bilbo setting his lamp down and leaning forward across the bed, reaching out to stroke Kili's sweat-soaked hair in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

"There, now," he murmured. "There, there. It was only a dream. You are safe now, my lad, you are quite safe."

Fili muttered something in his sleep, and Bilbo stopped speaking, for he did not wish to wake the young dwarf, knowing that he would be quite unlikely to sleep again unless his brother did. He cast around for something for Kili to focus his attention on, since the stars were out of the question, and was about to take down one of the pictures from the wall and give it to him to look at when his gaze lighted on Esmeralda's little doll, lying on the table beside the bed.

"Ah!" he said quietly, and snatched it up, holding it out to Kili. "Now, here is your doll, master dwarf," he said. "She is here to help you when you are sad, just as your friend Esmeralda said."

Kili just stared at him for a moment, but then he reached out a shaking hand and took the doll. At first, he simply clutched it, still staring at Bilbo. Then he slowly turned his head to look down at it in his hand, and stroked its hair with his fingertips.

"That's right, my boy," Bilbo murmured. "There is nothing to be feared."

He watched Kili until it seemed the little dwarf had become quite absorbed in staring at the doll, and then he took a step away from the bed. But Kili's head jerked up immediately, and he stared at Bilbo again with those glittering, unsettling eyes. Bilbo shook his head.

"I am not going anywhere," he said. "I will sit right here, in this chair, do you see? I will sit here until you go back to sleep."

And sit he did, in the old armchair that he had placed in the room because it was rather uncomfortable and therefore unsuitable for any room where anyone might be sitting for long periods of time. It seemed that his dealings with dwarves were always leading to unforeseen consequences, of which this was certainly not the first and would most probably not be the last. He sighed a little and shifted around until most of the lumps were pressing into relatively well-padded parts of his body (although, of course, most of a hobbit's body is normally well-padded), but he found he did not resent the discomfort when he saw how Kili seemed to relax back into his pillows, watching Bilbo for a few more minutes until he was apparently convinced that he would not leave, and then turning his attention back to the doll in his hand. Whether it was Bilbo's presence, or the doll, or simply that he was very tired, Bilbo could not be sure, but in a few minutes more Kili's head had sunk onto his chest, and Bilbo smiled to himself and leaned forward, blowing out the lamp and letting his own head nod on the chair back. He knew he would pay in the morning with aches and pains, but at this moment, he cared little for anything but that both his guests were sleeping, and so he closed his eyes and let himself drift away.

* * *

Bilbo awoke early due to the wide variety of uncomfortable objects that were digging into various soft and tender parts of his body. Fili was still asleep, but Kili was awake, and Bilbo got to his feet with a quiet groan and reached over, carefully unclasping Fili's hand from Kili's ankle. Fili made a drowsy noise of protest, and Bilbo patted him between the shoulder-blades.

"Now, do not fret," he murmured. "It is only me, and I am not taking your brother far."

This seemed enough for Fili to sink back into sleep, and Bilbo tugged Kili's arm until he extricated himself from his pillows and blankets and climbed carefully over his brother to follow Bilbo out of the room. Bilbo closed the door as quietly as he could, and then smiled at Kili.

"Well," he said, "it is good to see your brother getting plenty of rest."

It was Bilbo's hope that a good night's sleep would stave off the consequences of his drenching the day before, but when Fili finally appeared in the living room some two hours after the almost imperceptible lightening of the glowering thunderclouds that suggested that sunrise had occurred, it took only one look at his heavy eyelids and flushed cheeks for Bilbo to see that his hope had been in vain. He tutted, and immediately went to the kitchen to set the water to heat for tea.

"Good morning, my brother," Fili said, sounding rather stuffed-up, and then, as Bilbo came back into the room, "good morning, Mr. Baggins. Is it still night-time?"

Bilbo glanced out of the window. The rain was still coming down in sheets, and with the lamps lit inside, it looked even darker out there. "It is almost time for second breakfast, master dwarf," he said. "And you will be having plenty of tea and going back to bed."

"Back to bed?" Fili asked in some surprise. "Whatever for? I have slept quite long enough."

"You are obviously coming down with a cold," Bilbo said, steering Fili into the chair closest to the fire and fussing with it until the embers flared up. "I can't say I'm surprised, given your behaviour yesterday."

Fili looked rather chastened by this. "I assure you, I am quite all right," he said, but the effect of this declaration was somewhat spoiled by the coughing fit that immediately followed it. Bilbo tutted again and went to the linen closet, coming back with a blanket and a large collection of pocket handkerchiefs.

"You will sit there and not move," he ordered, and Fili meekly complied, though he smirked at his brother when he thought Bilbo wasn't looking. Kili just looked confused by all the activity, and watched both Bilbo and his brother carefully, as if trying to understand what lay behind it all. Bilbo shook his head at them both, and went to make the tea.

After second breakfast, Bilbo relented, and allowed Fili to sit up in the living room, provided he stayed near the fire and kept the blanket wrapped around himself. In fact, it seemed that his cold was not terribly bad, and he had no fever or signs of anything more serious developing, for which Bilbo was very grateful. Nonetheless, it did not do to let one's guard down, for the surest way Bilbo knew to exacerbate a cold into something worse was to act as though one was perfectly fine, and so he glared at Fili every time he tried to get out of his chair and pressed as many cups of tea upon him as he could, sweetening them with a decent quantity of honey. Fili, despite his running nose and persistent cough, seemed to be increasingly amused by this behaviour, and Bilbo affected to be annoyed by his flippancy, but was secretly pleased to see him apparently having recovered from his emotional difficulties of the day before.

Of course, Fili's illness was not the only problem that Bilbo faced: the pantry, while still well-stocked in many respects, was becoming alarmingly short on several important staples. It happened to be market day in Hobbiton that day, but the torrential rain made the prospect quite unappealing, and of course Bilbo could not send Fili or Kili to do it for him. And so he watched the weather anxiously for much of the morning, and when the rain began to ease towards midday, he quickly collected his galoshes and wet-weather gear and found his pack with all the other things he had brought back from his adventure and never got around to putting away.

"I am going to the market," he announced. "I hope I will not be washed away!"

"I can do that for you," Fili said quickly, starting to get to his feet, but Bilbo quelled him with a glare.

"You will stay where you are and drink your tea," he said.

Fili groaned. "Mr. Baggins," he said, "I do believe if I drink any more tea I shall start to turn brown."

"Well, better that than dying of pneumonia!" Bilbo said. He did not miss the rather delighted face Fili made at this assertion, but he was quite happy to be made fun of, fussy old hobbit that he was, if it meant that Fili would do as he was asked. "Now, stay here and look after your brother for me."

"Yes, Mr. Baggins," Fili said, sounding like he was trying hard not to laugh, and Bilbo harrumphed a little and then turned his back on the pair of them and stepped out of the door.

It was barely raining any more when Bilbo made his way down the hill towards the market, although the clouds still lowered and threatened overhead, and it was dark enough that it seemed like evening rather than noon. The Water had risen a great deal in the last day, and Bilbo had to hop over a minor torrent in order to get onto the bridge, and when he reached the market, the stalls were hastily being set up, although on a normal day they would have been there since dawn. Bilbo was not the only hobbit who had taken advantage of the break in the weather: it seemed that all of Hobbiton and half of Bywater was milling around in the little market-place, hastily buying everything they needed before the rain started again. Bilbo followed suit, exchanging a few words here and there, until he almost crashed into his cousin Begonia Took, who was rounding a corner with a basket overflowing with carrots and potatoes hooked over one arm.

"Oh! My dear Begonia," he said. "I didn't see you there. Are you quite all right?"

"Bilbo!" Begonia cried. She embraced him quickly, and kissed his cheek, as is the way with hobbits who know each other well, and Bilbo kissed her back, for she was rather a favourite of his, and the mother of little Esmeralda, to boot. "I heard that you were back, though I didn't quite believe it," Begonia said. "You have caused quite a stir, and no mistake!"

Bilbo laughed at this. "It does not take a great deal to cause a stir in Hobbiton, my dear," he said.

"That's as may be," Begonia said, "but Lobelia Sackville-Baggins told me that she was chased out of Bag End by an army of knife-wielding dwarves!"

"Well, that is not at all what happened," Bilbo said. "I requested politely that Lobelia leave my home - she had been squatting, you know, the very nerve of it! - and she did so, though not with particularly good grace, I must say."

"And glad I am that she did," Begonia said. "I should not have liked to see her and Otho move into Bag End all together, and I think that if you had delayed your return a few weeks more, that's exactly what they would have done!" She paused then and frowned. "But there are no dwarves then? Only Holman Greenhand said there were, too, and any number of other respectable folk."

"Oh! There certainly are dwarves," Bilbo said. "Two of them, as it happens, both excellent fellows and very good friends of mine. They are staying with me for the winter."

Begonia looked somewhat surprised by this announcement, as if she had not truly believed it possible that Bilbo could have done something so outlandish as make friends with dwarves. "And - and do they indeed have knives?" she asked, sounding rather faint.

"Well, certainly they do _own_ knives," Bilbo said. "It is quite the necessity outside the Shire, you know, for there are all kinds of creatures abroad that may wish to do harm. But they are no more dangerous than any hobbit, I assure you."

Begonia did not look entirely convinced. "Lobelia told me one held a knife to her neck," she said. "I suppose that was only a tale."

"I - well, Lobelia beat Kili around the head with a ladle when he had done nothing wrong at all," Bilbo said. "It is only natural that his brother should try and protect him."

"I'm sorry," Begonia said, suddenly looking quite alarmed, "what did you say the dwarf's name was?"

"It is Kili," Bilbo said. "They are called Fili and Kili. They are brothers, you know, and it seems dwarf brothers often have rhyming names."

"Well, that is-" Begonia started, looking rather pale. "Oh dear."

"Are you quite all right?" Bilbo asked.

"No," Begonia said, and sat suddenly down on a low wall. "Cousin Bilbo, I must ask you - have you seen my little Esme at Bag End lately?"

"Why yes, we have been seeing rather a lot of her!" Bilbo said. "She has become quite attached to Kili, and he is - well, I think he is rather fond of her." This last he was not entirely sure about, but Kili had allowed Esmeralda to weave daisies into his hair without any apparent serious discomfort, and Bilbo could only conclude from this that he found her presence tolerable.

Begonia made a small squeak, and Bilbo sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders.

"But my dear Begonia, what on earth is the matter?" he asked.

It took a moment for Begonia to pull herself together enough to answer, but when she did, it was an answer that Bilbo was not expecting at all.

"I am quite shocked at you, Bilbo Baggins," she said. "Allowing my little daughter to associate with a dwarf of all things!"

Bilbo gaped at her. "And why should she not associate with a dwarf?" he said. "She likes him very much! As well she should, for he is a kind and gentle soul without a cruel bone in his body."

Begonia shook her head. "I thought Mr. Kili was simply another imaginary friend," she said. "You know that Esme is given to flights of fancy - there is more Took in her than Baggins, that is for sure! But if he is real, and a dwarf at that-" Her eyes suddenly grew round, as if she had remembered something horrifying. "Bilbo, you say that this dwarf friend of yours is harmless, and yet not two days ago she came home and told me that he licked her hands! Can this be true?"

"Well," Bilbo said, understanding immediately that it would be hard to explain this in a way that would not upset Begonia further, "he was teaching her an important lesson about what she might do if she were injured in the wilderness."

"Injured in the wilderness!" Begonia cried. "And do you think that such a lesson is suitable for a hobbitling of six, cousin Bilbo? Why, she is determined now to go to places where there is no clean water to drink, of all things! And she is so easily led, I can't help but worry that she will simply run off one day to look for these places. And you tell me that this Mr. Kili's brother did indeed hold a knife to Lobelia's throat? He does not sound to me like a kind and gentle creature in the slightest, I must say."

Bilbo bit back an angry reply - for if he was honest with himself, Kili's peculiar behaviour did sound rather damning when laid out in this way by a worried mother - and took a moment to gather his thoughts. "My dear Begonia," he said, "I understand you are concerned, but I assure you there is no reason for it. Kili is not used to hobbitlings, of course, and he is still learning how to behave around them. But Esmeralda is a delightful child, and they are learning so much from each other, and I do not think he is doing her any harm."

Begonia frowned at him and stood up, brushing off her skirt. "I am sorry, cousin," she said, "but I cannot let her come and visit you again, at least not while your - guests are still with you."

"Oh," Bilbo said, jumping to his feet as well. "Now, please, cousin Begonia, I'm sure we can come to some better arrangement." He racked his brains for an argument that would have a worried hobbit mother allow her child to consort with a strange dwarf, and in the end could only come up with the truth. "I must tell you," he said, "Kili has been very badly hurt, and he is still recovering. Esmeralda has been so very good for him."

Begonia's face softened a little at this, but still she shook her head. "She is my baby," she said. "Of course I hope your Mr. Kili feels better soon, but he is a grown dwarf, after all, and he has his brother to talk to. I'm sure he will not miss the company of a little hobbitling very much at all." She paused a moment, looking a little guilty. "You must understand, she is my little girl."

Bilbo did understand, somewhere deep inside himself, but most of the rest of him was too busy being quite furious on Kili's behalf to pay attention to this. He shook his head stiffly. "Well, I'm afraid I do not understand at all," he said. "But she is your daughter, after all."

"Well," Begonia said, looking rather uncomfortable, "it has been very good to see you, cousin. You must come over for supper some time."

"As long as I leave my guests at home, I suppose?" Bilbo said, and felt a cruel satisfaction in the way Begonia's face fell. "Thank you for the kind invitation, but I'm afraid I must decline."

Begonia gave him a rather pleading look. "Come, now," she said. "Surely it cannot be as important as all that?"

"I'm afraid I rather think it is," Bilbo said, and then he turned away. "Good day, cousin," he called over his shoulder, and hastened away before he said something that he might later regret. For regret there was aplenty already that day, and there was no sense adding to it further.


	6. Chapter 6

When Bilbo arrived back at Bag End, he bid the most cursory of greetings to his two guests, Kili in his corner and Fili in front of the fire, before retreating to the pantry to put away his purchases. Perhaps he was thumping around rather more violently than was necessary in there, or perhaps it was simply that dwarves were not quite so insensitive as he tended to imagine, but after a few minutes he turned to find Fili standing in the doorway, watching him with concern on his face.

"Mr. Baggins," he said, still sounding very stuffy, "is something the matter?"

"Certainly not," Bilbo said, setting down a pumpkin with a thump that had Fili raising an eyebrow. "Everything is quite all right, thank you, master dwarf."

He turned his back, but there was no sound of Fili moving away, and after a moment he found himself sighing and turning back, for after all, he would have to break the news to his dwarf friends some time. Fili was still watching him, his forehead furrowed.

"I saw my cousin Begonia at the market," Bilbo said. "She is Esmeralda's mother, you know."

Fili smiled with genuine pleasure at this. "I hope you passed on my warmest regards to her," he said. "And Kili's, too, of course."

"Well," Bilbo said, and then could not quite bear to say anything else, for he knew that what he had to say next would remove the smile from his friend's face. "Well, no, I did not, I'm afraid."

"Oh," Fili said. He was still watching Bilbo carefully, and now his smile faded a little. "Well, perhaps next time you see her."

"Yes, yes, next time," Bilbo murmured, turning quickly away with the excuse of rummaging in his basket.

"But surely you have not been upset by seeing your cousin?" Fili asked after a moment's pause. "I cannot imagine the mother of such a child could do anything to make you unhappy. And a hobbit, at that! I think your race is the most generous and open-hearted of all, Mr. Baggins. Far more so than mine, although it pains me to say it."

"Oh, as to that," Bilbo said, suddenly feeling viciously angry again, "hobbits are much more narrow-minded than you imagine, Master Fili. In fact, they can be downright cruel when they choose to be, and they choose to be far more often than they should."

Fili gave a laugh of disbelief, which swiftly turned into an unpleasant-sounding cough. "I do not believe that at all!" he said once recovered. "But what has happened? Will you not tell me, or must I guess?"

Bilbo paused in his vigorous rummaging and closed his eyes. "I'm afraid," he said, keeping his back to Fili and his head down, "that my cousin has forbade Esmeralda from coming to see Kili any more."

Silence greeted this announcement, and after a moment, Bilbo scraped together the courage to turn around. Fili was staring at him with an expression of bewilderment, as if waiting for a further explanation. When it did not come, he shook his head.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because he is a dwarf," Bilbo said, rather more sharply than perhaps was fair, at least to Fili (Begonia, he still felt, was deserving of at least that much sharpness and more). The confusion on Fili's face grew, and Bilbo sighed and shook his head. "And because he is Kili," he said. "He is- His behaviour is hard for her to understand."

"But you must explain to her, then!" Fili said. "Surely you explained to her?"

"I tried, of course," Bilbo said. "But she would not listen. She is afraid that he will hurt her child."

At this, Fili's eyebrows drew sharply downwards. "That is absurd," he said. "Kili would not harm a hair on her head."

"You and I know that," Bilbo said, "but Begonia is a hobbit, and hobbits - oh, hobbits are frightened little creatures when anything shakes them out of their comfortable lives."

Fili shook his head at this, as if he rather did not believe it, but he did not argue further. Instead, he glanced towards the door. "I will talk to her," he said. "Where does she live?"

"I hardly think that a strange dwarf will convince her where her own cousin can not," Bilbo snapped, and then immediately felt rather guilty, for of course it was not Fili's fault that hobbits were so distrustful of outsiders. "In any case," he said, taking care to soften his tone, "I will not have you going out in this weather when you are unwell."

Fili seemed not at all to have taken offence at Bilbo's short temper, nor in fact to really have listened to the second part of what he said. "Well, perhaps she could come and talk to Kili," he said, sounding now rather upset. "Surely then she will see that he is not in the least to be feared."

"Oh, my dear friend," Bilbo said, and he put his own anger aside now, for it was helping no-one at all. "Do you really think that talking to Kili would help?"

Fili stared at him, open-mouthed, but a moment later it seemed he understood, and he closed his eyes and looked briefly grief-stricken. Then he shook his head and set his mouth in a firm, flat line.

"No," he said. "I suppose it would only make things worse."

Bilbo sighed, for he, too, would have liked nothing better than to be able to say that anyone who spoke to Kili would immediately see him for what he was, just a hurt little dwarf who posed no threat to anyone. But of course, he could not say that, and neither, it seemed, could Fili. He stepped forward and laid a hand on his friend's arm.

"It is not fair," he said. "I know it is not. But you must understand, we hobbits are soft creatures, and we live soft lives. We are only afraid of outsiders because we know that we cannot defend ourselves against them."

Fili shook his head. "It is true that you are the only hobbit I know well, Mr. Baggins," he said, "and perhaps you are unusual - in fact, I think you must be so. But I do not believe that hobbits are soft and defenceless. At least not all the way through." He looked away, then, the corners of his mouth tight. "And I do understand," he said, though it seemed it cost him something to do so.

"But you are angry," Bilbo said.

Fili swallowed hard and closed his eyes a moment. "I am trying not to be," he said.

"Well, if you decide that you cannot quite succeed, I think the pantry is an excellent place to be angry while it is wet outside," Bilbo said, looking around at the shelves of food. "It is certainly far enough away from the living room that you will be quite undisturbed."

Fili gave him a rather astonished look, then laughed, though it was not the happiest sound Bilbo had ever heard. "You continue to surprise me always, my dear friend," he said. "But you must think me very fragile."

"Fragile?" said Bilbo in some astonishment. "Not a bit of it! Why on earth should I think you fragile?"

"It seems that every little mishap has me losing control of myself lately," Fili said, and indeed his mouth was still tight and he still swallowed too often and too hard.

"If I had suffered what you have, I should have lost control of myself entirely years ago," Bilbo said stoutly. Fili did not reply to this, but merely bowed his head a little, and Bilbo squeezed his arm and let him have the time he needed to draw the threads of himself together. When, finally, he looked up, his expression was determined.

"Well, and do you want me to leave you here, master dwarf?" Bilbo asked.

Fili shook his head. "No," he said. "I want to sit with Kili."

"Good," Bilbo said. "I am sure he is wondering where you have got to."

Fili glanced towards the living room and looked troubled once more. "I do not know whether he will understand why Esmeralda cannot come and see him any more," he said.

"I think perhaps we should not tell him yet," Bilbo replied. "It may be that my cousin will change her mind - she really is quite reasonable most of the time, you know - and-" He stopped a moment, then took a breath. "And I do not want him to feel unwelcome."

Fili nodded at this. "No more I," he said, and then sneezed violently enough that it made Bilbo jump.

"Well!" Bilbo cried. "Back to the fire with you, master dwarf, and you will be drinking more tea."

Fili snorted at this, and Bilbo was pleased to see a small smirk on his lips, although he affected to groan and roll his eyes. Certainly all was not going as well as Bilbo had hoped, but as he followed Fili back to the living room, he felt a lightening nonetheless of the sense of anger and gloom that had consumed him since he had said his farewells to Begonia. Even the fact that the rain had begun again, drumming ceaselessly on the hillside and hissing through the trees, could not quite dampen his spirits. After all, every rainstorm must end some time.

* * *

Perhaps all rainstorms must end, but the one that raged in the Shire that afternoon showed no sign of stopping, and by mid-afternoon it was as dark as evening outside. Bilbo and his two dwarf friends were surprised shortly after afternoon tea by a knock at the door, barely audible over the sound of the rain drumming against it. Fili glanced at Bilbo, eyebrows raised, but Bilbo could only shrug, for he certainly had not expected any callers in such dreadful weather. When he opened the door, he found to his surprise that his cousin Begonia stood outside, sheltering under a very large umbrella but nonetheless looking rather bedraggled.

"My dear Begonia!" Bilbo cried, his bad feeling towards his cousin quite overwhelmed by the natural hospitality of hobbits. "What are you doing out in this rain? You must come inside at once."

Begonia shifted from foot to foot looking quite ill at ease. "Oh," she said, "I can only stay for a few minutes."

"Well, what can I help you with?" Bilbo asked, suddenly hoping that perhaps his cousin had reconsidered her decision after speaking to Esmeralda. But Begonia's face did not portend good news - she looked quite unhappy, and Bilbo's heart sank again.

"My daughter tells me she gave her doll to your Mr. Kili," she said. "Is this true?"

"Yes, indeed it is," said Bilbo. "She gave it to him yesterday."

"Well!" Begonia said, and suddenly she looked angry rather than unhappy. "I am amazed, cousin Bilbo. To think of a grown dwarf taking a doll from a little hobbitling!"

"He did not take it!" Bilbo said. "Esmeralda gave it to him freely, and without any suggestion on his part."

"Esmeralda is six years old!" Begonia cried. "She does not know what she is about. But your friend should have known better."

Bilbo stared at her in astonishment, for it had not at all occurred to him that Kili should not accept Esmeralda's gift. And certainly it could not have occurred to Kili, although it would be difficult to explain that to Begonia. But she was now glaring at him, the effect not in the least dampened by the rain dripping from the tip of her nose.

"And were you there when she gave it to him?" she asked.

"I was indeed," Bilbo said. "I thought it marvellously generous of her."

"Oh, yes," Begonia said. "Little Esme would give a stranger the coat from her back if he were to ask it. But that does not mean he would be right to accept it!" She shook her head, drops of water flying from her hair. "I'm sure I do not understand you, cousin Bilbo. Perhaps it is because you have no children yourself. You cannot understand how it feels to be so afraid for them, to feel such responsibility for protecting them and teaching them and trying to make sure they are never hurt."

Bilbo thought for a moment of the sickening fear he had felt when Kili had been captured by the orcs in the broken lands north of Erebor, and then tried very hard to think of something else, for the memory of watching his friend borne away on a warg still had the power to make stomach swoop in a most unpleasant fashion. He concentrated instead on trying his very best to produce a conciliatory expression, for certainly it would do no good to further antagonise his cousin.

"I am terribly sorry if I did something which you would not have approved of," he said. "I certainly did not intend to. But Esmeralda was not at all hurt, after all."

Begonia eyed him, tight-lipped. Then her face softened a little. "Well, if you will just give the doll back, we will forget that it happened," she said. "I do not mean to be angry, certainly not with you."

"Give it back!" Bilbo cried, for he had not foreseen this request, though perhaps he should have. "But it was not given to me, and it is not mine to give back."

At this, Begonia pursed her lips again. "Well, in that case, I suppose I must speak to your Mr. Kili," she snapped. "Is he here? I have a few things I would like to explain to him about proper behaviour." And she leaned forward and tried to peer through the doorway into the hall.

Bilbo quickly sidestepped to block her view, though of course she would not have been able to see anything of Kili. "He is - he is rather indisposed today," he said quickly. "But surely you will reconsider, my dear cousin. It was a fine gift, and it means a great deal to him."

"I do not know how these matters are conducted among dwarves," Begonia said, looking now quite put-out, "but I cannot imagine why an adult should be so attached to a child's toy. It is unnatural! Why, I begin to grow quite concerned about your dwarves, Bilbo Baggins."

Bilbo blinked at this, and felt a sudden fear in his heart of what might happen if he were to deny Begonia. She was his beloved cousin indeed, and she was certainly not a cruel person, but it was very easy in a place like Hobbiton for rumours to spread, and once spread, they would not be easy to eradicate. He considered for a moment telling her why it was that Kili did not behave in a way that hobbits might find acceptable, telling her all about what had happened to him and what it had done, both to he himself and to those who loved him. But hobbits, though kind-hearted creatures, are deeply afraid of the unknown, and he couldn't help but think that a little dwarf who had spent many years with orcs and picked up a large number of odd notions and strange habits might be even less likely to win Begonia's sympathy - or at least permission to see her daughter - than one who was merely a dwarf and had committed no other crime. No, at that moment, harried by his cousin and concerned about his guests, he could see no option but to give her what she wanted before she made a scene.

"Well, I will go and get it," he said. "Would you like to wait inside?" He asked out of politeness only, for he was worried and a little frightened and certainly very angry.

"No," Begonia said to his relief. "I think I will wait here, if it is no trouble."

"No trouble!" Bilbo cried, and shut the door smartly in her face. He leaned his forehead against it for a moment, and then gathered himself and turned resolutely, marching into the living room and sitting down in front of Kili. It was only once he was there, facing the curious gazes of his two dwarf friends, that he let his shoulders slump a little. But only a little, for there was worse yet to come.

"Kili," he said, and then found he could not go on. He squared his shoulders again and put his hands resolutely on his knees. "My dear Kili. I'm afraid I must ask you to return the doll Esmeralda gave you."

He heard Fili's hoarse intake of breath behind him, but he did not turn to look. Instead, he kept his gaze steady on Kili. The little dwarf stared at him, apparently not having understood what he said, and Bilbo glanced around until he saw the little ragdoll lying on the table at Kili's elbow. He pointed to it and looked again at Kili.

"You must give the doll back to Esmeralda," he said, slowly and clearly.

Kili frowned, then looked down at the doll, picking it up and looking back at Bilbo with an expression of some confusion.

"She is not here," he said. "How I am give doll?"

"If you give it to me, I will give it to her mother, and she will give it to Esmeralda," Bilbo said, and held his hand out. Kili hesitated for the briefest of moments, and then put the doll in Bilbo's hand. Bilbo tightened his fingers around it, but for a moment he did not stand up, merely stared at Kili and willed him to understand. But of course, Kili could hardly understand when Bilbo had not explained it to him, and Bilbo did not want to explain while Begonia was standing outside in the rain. And so he rose to his feet and turned to go back to the front door.

"Mr. Baggins," Fili started, trying to rise from his chair, but Bilbo put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down, though of course if Fili had wanted to he could easily have resisted him.

"Master Fili, please," he said, and Fili subsided without protest, though his eyes were wide and his nostrils flared. Bilbo patted him briefly, and then went back into the hallway and opened the door.

"Here," he said to Begonia, holding out the doll, and she took it from him and looked down at it with an expression of some discomfort.

"My dear Bilbo," she said. "I do think that perhaps your dwarves would be happier if they went back to wherever they come from. They are not at all suited for life here, I am sure. And no doubt they are quite bored."

"Begonia," Bilbo said carefully, "I am trying very hard not to be rude. But I am afraid I may not succeed. Perhaps it would be better if you did not talk to me."

Begonia blinked at this, then her face fell. "Well, good day to you, then, cousin Bilbo," she said.

"Good day!" Bilbo said, and once more he shut the door, and if it was only just short of a slam, well, he had been having a very trying time of it, and so he can probably be forgiven.

* * *

Bilbo waited until he was sure Begonia must have left, and then he turned back to the living room, going again to sit in front of Kili. But now his shoulders slumped indeed, and although he knew it was most important that he explain his actions to his friend, he could find no words to say. And in fact, it was not Bilbo who acted first, but Fili, who rose abruptly from his seat by the fire and took the two steps to where his brother sat with a measured tread. He leaned down and pressed a firm, swift kiss to Kili's temple, and then straightened just as abruptly and stalked out of the room. A moment later, Bilbo heard the pantry door close, and he sighed and turned his attention back to Kili, who was fingering the place where Fili had kissed him and frowning in apparent bewilderment.

"Kili," he said, "it is very important that you understand you have done nothing wrong. Do you understand that? You have done nothing at all wrong."

Kili stared at him, hand still raised to his temple, and Bilbo leaned forward a little and patted his knee insistently.

"Do you understand me, Kili?" he asked.

Kili nodded once, and Bilbo sat back in his seat. "Well, then," he said. "You should know that children, because they are so very young, do not yet understand everything about the world around them, and sometimes because of that they make bad choices. Their parents - their mothers and fathers - try to protect them, and sometimes that means that they make a different choice instead. That is why Esmeralda's mother asked for the doll back even though Esmeralda gave it to you. Do you understand?"

Kili sat for a long moment, his lips moving slightly as if he was working his way back through what Bilbo had said. Then he frowned.

"I not remember what mean _father_," he said.

"Oh," Bilbo said. "Well, a father is - a father is like a mother, but male. Everyone has a mother and a father."

Kili thought about this. "I have father?" he said. "I not meet, not saw in pictures."

"Your father died a long time ago," Bilbo said. "When you were very young, so I believe. But surely Fili has told you all this?"

Kili frowned, then nodded quickly. "Yes, he said me," he said. "Have father, father is die. I know. Only forgot word."

Bilbo nodded. "But did you understand the rest, Kili? About the choices children make?"

"Yes, understand," Kili said. "It is like I drink tea. I choose drink, Fili choose not drink. It is because I not understand right, yes?"

"Oh, no," Bilbo said. "No, Kili, it is not like that at all. You certainly understood well enough to make that choice for yourself." He shook his head, angry with himself for falling so neatly into the trap of giving Kili another excuse to try and relinquish his own freedom to choose. "Esmeralda is a child, that is why sometimes her parents do not allow her to make her own choices. You are not a child, and Fili knows that, even if sometimes he behaves badly and treats you like one."

Kili stared at him, and Bilbo stared back. "Do you understand why it is different?" he said, determined not to allow this particular point to be glossed over. "Kili, do you understand?"

Kili frowned and looked away. "Esmalda is child," he said. "She did make bad choice, give me doll."

"Well - no, not exactly," Bilbo said. "I do not think it was a bad choice. In fact, I think it was a fine thing she did. But her mother thinks it was wrong, and she is the one who must make the final choice. Although it is the height of bad manners, by the way, to ask for a gift back once it is given."

"You think mother is wrong?" Kili asked.

Bilbo nodded. "Yes, my lad, I do indeed."

Kili frowned at him in confusion. "Fili said me mother can not be wrong," he said.

Despite his disappointment and anger, Bilbo could not help but smile at this. "Well," he said, "your brother is right, in a way. For most children, it is difficult to believe that their mothers could ever be wrong. But all mothers are just people, and all people get things wrong sometimes."

There was a pause as Kili considered this. Then he shook his head. "You are not wrong," he said. "Always right."

Bilbo felt his cheeks heat up in a surprised flush of pleasure. "Oh!" he said. "No, my lad, I am wrong much of the time. In fact, sometimes I think I am wrong more often than I am right."

Kili looked supremely sceptical at this, and Bilbo found himself smiling again. "But I am very touched by your faith in me," he said. "Very touched." It was clear that Kili did not really understand this idiom, and Bilbo was pondering how he might explain it when Kili, who had been fidgeting and glancing towards the bedroom, suddenly turned to Bilbo with a worried expression.

"I must give back pictures?" he asked. "Give to Ori?"

All thoughts of subtle language points immediately fled Bilbo's head, and he sat up sharply. "No!" he said. "No, Kili, those pictures are yours to keep. They are yours forever."

Kili glanced again towards the bedroom and frowned. "If Ori ask them back?" he said.

"Ori would never ask for them back," Bilbo said, mentally cursing Begonia and her ability to poke at injuries she did not even know existed. "He wants you to have them. And even if he did, you would not have to give them back. They are yours, Kili. No-one can take them from you."

Kili did not look very convinced by this, and Bilbo jumped to his feet and tugged on the little dwarf's arm.

"Come, then," he said. "Let us go and look at them, so you can see that they are all still there."

He took Kili through to the guest room and settled him on the bed, then turned and waved a hand at the pictures pinned up all over the walls. "You see?" he said. "They are your pictures, and you can come in here whenever you want and look at them." He remembered something he had been wanting to investigate, and pointed quickly to the one of Thorin with his sister.

"Now, then," he said, "who is this?"

Kili followed his finger and stared at the picture. "Uncle," he said.

"Yes," Bilbo said. "But what is his name?"

"Thorin," Kili said immediately, and Bilbo smiled in some relief. He pointed then to the other figure in the picture.

"And this?" he said. "Who is this?"

Kili hesitated a moment, then shook his head. "I not know," he said, and Bilbo felt suddenly rather sick.

"Surely that is not true!" he cried. "Surely you know this dwarf?" He jabbed his finger again at the picture, and Kili made a rather distressed face.

"Yes, yes, know dwarf," he said. "She is mother. Only not know name." He frowned. "Mother is not name. It is right? Mother is not name, yes?"

"No," said Bilbo, feeling greatly relieved, "mother is not her name. She is called Dis."

"Dis," repeated Kili, and then muttered the name twice to himself. Then he nodded. "Yes, Dis. I not did know his name before." He paused, frowning, and then shook his head. "I not knew his name before. It is right? I not knew?"

"You were closer the first time," said Bilbo with a smile. "You must use _do_ here, because you have used _not_. You _did not know_. Do you see?"

"Must use _do_?" Kili asked. "I not like _do_. Why must always use, never know when?"

"Certainly you do not seem to have much of a grasp on it," Bilbo said. "But I'm sure you will get there in the end!"

Kili looked rather disgruntled. "I not can - I, I do not can speak good hobbit speak," he muttered, and Bilbo spent a moment considering whether to correct him, and then decided that even the fact that he was trying to use _do_ correctly at all was encouraging, and certainly if he tried to explain the exceptions now Kili might well give up entirely. So he turned his attention to a different problem.

"You speak hobbit speak very well indeed," he said, "but I'm afraid there is something else as well. You see, because your mother is a she-dwarf, you must say _her_ name, not _his_ name." He pointed at the picture of Thorin again. "Thorin is a he, _his name_ is Thorin." And now he pointed at Dis. "Dis is a she, _her name_ is Dis. Do you understand?"

Kili now looked quite put out, but Bilbo did not take this amiss, for he was well aware of the little dwarf's feelings on the large number and frequent use of pronouns in Common. He simply nodded and smiled and pointed at Dis for a little longer, and then raised his eyebrows encouragingly. "Well, can you say the whole thing?" he asked.

Kili glowered at him for a moment, but then he sighed and drew a breath. "I - did not know - her name - before," he said haltingly.

"Yes!" cried Bilbo, beaming all over his face. "That was very good indeed, my lad. You had it all perfect! Why, I could not tell at all that Common was not your first tongue."

Kili looked surprised at this, and then rather pleased. "It is all right?" he asked.

"Every word," Bilbo assured him. He turned now to another of the pictures. "Now, then," he said, pointing, "who is this?"

"Ori," said Kili immediately. Bilbo smiled.

"Indeed it is Ori," he said. "And who is this?"

Kili paused a moment, staring at the dwarf Bilbo was pointing to. "Ori's brother," he decided finally."

"Certainly it is Ori's brother," Bilbo said. "But what is his name?"

Kili opened his mouth and then closed it again. His head fell slightly, his hair sweeping forward a little to cover his face.

"You have forgotten," said Bilbo. Kili's mouth twitched, and he nodded quickly.

"I know name is important," he said. "Must not forget."

Bilbo leaned over and patted his arm. "Do you know," he said, "I was travelling for more than a week with your uncle and his company before I could remember all their names? In fact, I think your brother was the last one I learned."

Kili gave him a look of surprise. "Not know Fili's name?" he said. "Why learn last? You are not friend?"

"Well, we were not unfriendly," Bilbo said. "But no, I suppose we were not really friends until I met you."

This seemed to rather bewilder Kili. "Why you were not friends?" he said. "You not did - did not, you did not like Fili?"

"Oh, of course I liked him!" Bilbo said. "But really, we did not know each other well at all. He was very quiet, you see, and so we did not talk much."

Kili shook his head. "Fili not is quiet," he said. "Talk many. It is many? Talk much?"

"He talks a great deal," Bilbo said with a chuckle. Kili frowned, lips moving slightly.

"Talk - great eel?" he said. "Fili talk great eel?"

Bilbo could not help but laugh at this, but Kili did not seem to be offended, only waiting for Bilbo to tell him what he should rightly have said. "_Deal_," Bilbo said. "A great - _deal_."

"Great deal," muttered Kili, seeming to have some trouble with the collision of _t_ and _d_. "Great deal, great deal." He looked up again at Bilbo. "Fili talk great deal."

"Well, he certainly talks to you," Bilbo said. "And to me, as well, I suppose. But I think he is still rather quiet around other dwarves. I do not know if he was always that way - no-one has told me. But I suspect that you were the loud one, when you were both children."

Kili made a disbelieving face, although Bilbo could not tell whether it was because he did not believe he had ever been loud or he did not believe he had ever been a child. At any rate, he did not further inquire about this, but instead returned to the subject of Fili. "Why he was quiet before?" he asked. "He was quiet? Why he was quiet?"

Bilbo thought about this. "I think some of it was because he was rather sad," he said, "but most of it - well, I think he was just lonely. He was very lonely."

"He was lonely?" Kili said, frowning. "How can be lonely, have other dwarves? Fili was also not friends other dwarves before?"

"No, he was certainly friends with the other dwarves," Bilbo said. "But - but it was not the other dwarves he wanted to talk to, Kili."

"Who he wanted talk to?" Kili asked. "Wanted talk to you?"

"No," Bilbo said. "He wanted to talk to his brother. But his brother was stolen away by orcs, and so he was lonely."

This seemed to require some consideration from Kili, for he fell silent and sat frowning at his pictures for a time. Bilbo sat himself in the uncomfortable armchair and waited, wondering if Fili was all right in the pantry, and hoping that he would have the good sense to come and sit by the fire before he got too cold and made his illness worse. Eventually, Kili shifted slightly and looked at Bilbo, and Bilbo sat up ready to hear what the outcome of his ponderings might be.

"Fili is lonely now?" Kili asked.

Bilbo considered this. It was possible, he supposed, that Fili was lonely, but on the whole, he thought he was not. Certainly the change in him over the last year had been nothing short of startling, and as far as Bilbo was concerned all of it was for the better - even the rather emotional states he got himself into from time to time. "No," he decided, "I do not think he is lonely now. At least, not often, and certainly not in the same way he was before."

"No," Kili said, seemingly mostly to himself, "he is not lonely." He looked at Bilbo. "He have hobbit friend now. It is good, have friend. You know how be friend, very good be friend."

Bilbo found himself blushing for the second time in less than an hour. "Well, certainly he is my good friend," he said, "but that is not why he is not lonely." He pointed at Kili. "It is because he has his brother back," he said. "That was all he wanted. He just wanted his brother back."

Kili stared for so long that Bilbo was about to ask whether he had understood, but then he abruptly shook his head.

"I am not same," he said. "How I can make Fili not lonely, am not same? Fili is lonely because want talk Kili. How I can make him not lonely?"

Bilbo sighed. "Certainly you have changed a great deal," he said, "but we all change. We all change, Kili, all the time, and although you have changed more than most, you are still Fili's brother. You are still what he needs so that he is not lonely."

Kili looked remarkably unhappy at this, and Bilbo frowned. "It is not something to be sad about, master dwarf!" he said. "You should be happy. It is a rare thing, to be loved so deeply."

This did not seem to have much impact, and Bilbo got up and went over to the bed, sitting down beside Kili and patting his arm. "What is the matter, my lad?" he asked. "Have I said something wrong?"

Kili stared at the floor for a moment or two, and he looked rather like he might withdraw into himself, but Bilbo squeezed his arm and he seemed to shake off his dark mood just a little, turning to look at Bilbo with trouble in his face.

"If I am die, Fili is be lonely?" he asked.

Bilbo was rather taken aback by this. "Why would you say such a thing?" he asked. "You will not die for many years!"

"How you know this?" Kili asked, and Bilbo stared at him.

"I have told you," he said. "You are very young for a dwarf. You will live for a very long time. I have told you this, Kili, do you not remember?"

Kili shook his head. "Young is not important," he said. "Can die any time."

Bilbo opened his mouth to deny this - for it was not a pleasant thought at all, and hobbits are generally opposed to unpleasant thoughts - but found, of course, that he could not, for it was the truth, pleasant or not. Kili watched him closely, and Bilbo became aware that he was gaping and quickly shut his mouth. "Well, that is true," he said, "but it is not likely to happen to you. You are safe, Kili. You are very safe, here in the Shire."

Kili said nothing in reply to this, but merely stared at Bilbo. Bilbo stared back, wondering, as he did from time to time, just what sort of strange thoughts were passing through the little dwarf's head. Generally, he concluded that he would prefer not to know, and this time was no exception.

"Well, then," he said finally, when it became clear that Kili was not going to speak. "Shall we continue?" And he turned again towards the pictures, but paused when he saw Kili frowning at him. "What is it?" he asked.

"You not say - did not, you did not say me answer," Kili said.

"The answer to what?" Bilbo asked, trying to remember what the question had been.

"About lonely," Kili said. "If I am die, Fili is lonely? Is be lonely? You did not say me."

"Oh!" Bilbo said, not at all pleased that his reassurances did not seem to have had any effect. But Kili stared at him in that way he sometimes did, as if Bilbo held all the secrets to life in his little hobbit mind, and Bilbo found himself sighing and thinking carefully about how he might answer without suggesting that the Shire was in any way a dangerous place.

"Well," he said, "yes. Yes, Kili, if you were to die - which is very unlikely, I must insist on this - Fili would indeed be lonely. He would be very lonely, and very sad. And I would be sad and lonely, too. So you must try very hard not to die, my lad, which will not be difficult at all, since you are so young and there is nothing to fear here in Hobbiton."

He rather hoped that would be the end of this particular line of questioning, but it seemed that it was not to be, for after a moment or two of considering this answer, Kili raised his head and spoke again.

"If - if Fili die, I am be lonely?" he asked. "If you die?"

Bilbo was once more taken aback, and he began to wish he had never embarked on this conversation. "I - Well, I do not know, Kili. You are the only one who can know how you feel."

Kili stared at him. "I not know," he said. "Not understand lonely. How it feel? It is bad, yes?"

"Yes," Bilbo said. "It is not a nice feeling, certainly. But you must know how it feels - were you never lonely among the orcs?"

Kili shook his head. "Never alone with orcs," he said. "Always orcs are there."

"But that is not what it means," Bilbo said. "You can feel lonely even if you are in a crowd of hundreds, if they are not the right people. Just as your brother was lonely even though he had all the other dwarves with him. Most people are lonely when they have no friends with them, just as you had not with the orcs. That is true, is it not, Kili? Or were you friends with the other _snagas_?"

Kili gave him an incredulous look. "Do not can be friends _snaga_," he said. "_Snaga_ is not like person, not like friend."

Now it was Bilbo's turn to be incredulous. "Why, what a dreadful thing to say!" he said. "Certainly a _snaga_ is a person. After all, you were a _snaga_ for many years, were you not?"

"Yes," Kili said, looking quite confused. "I was _snaga_. You know this, know I was _snaga_. You did find me, make me dwarf."

"You were always a dwarf," Bilbo insisted, starting to feel quite upset now. "And you were always a person. Come, now, Kili, you were always a person."

Kili stared at him, and Bilbo reached out and tugged on his arm. "Do you understand me?" he asked. "You were always a person."

At that, Kili slowly shook his head. "I understand," he said. "You not - do not understand. You know hobbits, know dwarfs, know how be person. I know orcs, know _snaga_. _Snaga_ not is person, can not be friend."

Bilbo's heart sank, and he felt suddenly quite exhausted. "Well, I may not know as much about orcs as you do," he said, "but I know you are wrong. I know you were always a person, and always a dwarf. You believe everything else I say, why not this?"

This last was delivered in a rather snappish tone, and Kili ducked his head quickly and peered out at Bilbo from under his hair. But he did not agree with him, and Bilbo found himself unable to think of an argument that might persuade him, for the most obvious one - the very fact of Kili himself - had already failed. But Bilbo had had a great deal of experience in dealing with the strange notions that filled Kili's head over the last year, and many times he had found that something that seemed impossible to explain at one moment might become obvious an hour later, once he had had a chance to consider it. And so he sighed and decided to turn back to the much more pleasant subject of Ori's pictures.

"Well, then," he said, pointing at the nearest one. "And who is this?"

* * *

By the time Bilbo had finished showing Kili each and every one of the pictures - and worrying a little at the number of names Kili seemed to have forgotten, though it was clear he remembered the dwarves they belonged to - it was almost dark outside, though it was still only just after mid-afternoon, and Bilbo, deciding it was far too long since they had heard from Fili, tugged on Kili's arm until he got to his feet and then led him towards the living room. As they passed the front door, though, Kili suddenly stopped dead, his head raised as if listening to something, and then gave Bilbo a wide-eyed stare.

"What is it?" Bilbo asked, frowning. "Did you hear something?"

"Yes," Kili said. "Hear crying. Outside crying."

Bilbo frowned and listened, but he could hear nothing but the rain drumming against the door. "It was probably just the wind," he said, and tried to pull Kili onwards, but the little dwarf resisted him.

"Crying," he insisted.

Bilbo sighed and went to the door, opening it and putting his head out for just a moment (though it was long enough to get rather wet, for the rain was still pouring down in sheets). He heard nothing but the weather, and saw nothing but darkness, and he pulled his head back in and shook the water out of his ears.

"This dratted rain," he muttered. "I cannot see my hand in front of my face!"

Kili did not answer, still looking wide-eyed and worried, and Bilbo patted his arm.

"I will get a lamp," he said. "You stay here." And he pushed the door mostly shut to avoid flooding the hallway and hurried away to the living room, where he found Fili dozing in his chair in front of the fire, and a lamp ready lit on the sideboard. When he lifted it, the shadows jerked and twitched in the corners, and Fili opened one eye and murmured a greeting. Bilbo patted his shoulder as he passed, but did not pause to chat, for he was concerned that Kili might indeed have heard something other than the wind.

When he came to the hallway, though, he found reason to be concerned about something else entirely. For the door was swinging wide open, and Kili was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

Bilbo stood blinking at the open door for a moment before he quite comprehended what had happened, so accustomed was he to Kili remaining where he had been left regardless of what was going on around him. But a moment was all it took before his stomach swooped unpleasantly, and he hurried over to the doorway and peered out into the darkness. The lamp threw a watery yellow circle onto the outside world, but neither sight nor sound was there of Kili, and Bilbo, deeply concerned by the violence of the rainstorm, quickly used his lamp to light a lantern that hung always ready by the door, seized an umbrella, and hastened out into the weather, closing the door behind him. He called Kili by name, but his voice seemed to be swallowed up immediately by the hissing of the water in the grass and a roaring sound that he could not quite identify, and after a few moments of running backwards and forwards in front of his front door in the hope of seeing something, he forced himself to stand still and listen and look carefully.

When he did so, lowering the lantern from in front of his eyes, he realised that it was not, in fact, quite dark. If there had been no clouds and no rain, he might have been able to see the sun setting in the west. As it was, the clouds were thick and low, and yet some light still filtered through from the world beyond them, and Bilbo could make out the path and his fence and the hills on the other side of the river. And that was not all, for when Bilbo stood still he realised that he could hear something, as well, something that was not the sound of water. It was a high-pitched, unhappy sort of noise, and after a moment Bilbo identified it as the sound of someone calling out. Someone very young, by the sound of it.

He looked sharply in the direction of the sound, sure that this must have been what Kili had heard, and equally sure that only this could have been what induced Kili to leave the hobbit hole and run out into the stormy night without so much as a word to Bilbo or Fili. It was coming from the bottom of the hill, near the little stone bridge over the Water, and when Bilbo looked in that direction he thought he saw a flash of something pale.

Without another thought, he hastened down the path that led its winding way down the hill, slipping in the mud, but grateful for it, for he saw in the light of the lantern footprints that by their unusual size and the fact that they belonged to bare feet could only have been Kili's. He almost fell at one point, sliding several feet in the mud, but he managed to catch himself and did not drop the lantern or the umbrella, which he normally would have been rather proud of himself for. At this moment, of course, he had not thoughts to spare on pride, but only steadied himself and hurried onwards, calling Kili's name again.

When he turned the corner at the bottom of the hill, though, he was quite unprepared for what he saw. For since that morning, when he had seen his cousin at the market, the Water, normally so stately and genteel, had gone from swollen to a raging torrent, spreading far beyond its normal banks and rushing forth in a swirl of foam and mud, leaves and twigs. Even the bridge was mostly submerged, only the top two feet or so of the uppermost parapet still protruding from the water. But it was not this that had Bilbo starting in horror, for the pale patch he had seen from atop the hill had resolved itself into his little cousin Esmeralda, wearing a white dress that was soaked through and stained all over with mud. She was hanging from the parapet of the bridge by her arms, clearly trying to pull herself up and over it, but seemingly unable. The water swirled around her ankles, and Bilbo caught his breath, trying to estimate how deep it was beneath her, how far she would fall if she lost her grip. Four feet, five? Certainly deep enough that she would be far out of her depth. But of course that would be the least of her problems if she fell, for even if the water had been shallower, the force of it would easily pull her under and carry her away in an instant.

"Esmeralda!" Bilbo cried in horror, and he ran to the water's edge, wading in until he was up to his knees. Even at such shallow depths, the pull of the current was remarkable, and Bilbo looked despairingly at the boiling, dark surface that stretched out wide between him and the bridge. How Esmeralda had managed to get up onto it in the first place, Bilbo did not know, but he saw now that it would certainly be difficult for him to do so without being swept away. And then he paused and raised his lantern higher, for he saw a shape in the water that was not an eddy or even a log. For a moment, it was hard to discern just what it might be, but then he saw that it was a person, a dark head of hair and a set of shoulders, almost at the point now where the edge of the submerged bridge must be and moving grimly onwards.

"Kili!" Bilbo cried in some relief. The terrifying sight of Esmeralda hanging from the parapet had rather chased the thought of Kili out of his head, but now he saw that the little dwarf had indeed followed the noise of crying, and that, against all expectation, he had plunged into the water to rescue his friend. And thank goodness, because Bilbo was not at all sure he could have done so himself, for if Kili was almost neck deep in the water, Bilbo would have been entirely submerged.

Kili did not look back at him, but he began to climb the ramp, one hand gripping the parapet. He did not call out, either to Bilbo or Esmeralda, and Bilbo watched from where he stood knee-deep in the river and held his lantern as high as he could so that it might give Kili some light (although of course, being a dwarf, he did not need it as much as Bilbo did). But his eye was caught by another lantern bobbing on the other side of the wide, raging water, and moments later a terrified shriek pierced through the sound of the torrent.

"Esme! Oh, hold on, child! Do not let go!"

It was Begonia, barely visible to Bilbo as more than a dark shape with a lantern, but from the sound of her voice deep in the grip of terror for her child. She came forward to the water's edge taking several steps until it swirled around her thighs, and Bilbo swung his lantern to and fro to catch her attention.

"Cousin!" he called. "Do not come further! You'll be swept away!"

Whether his words reached Begonia's ears, he was not sure, but she stopped in her progress and held her lantern high, just as Bilbo did his. The light fell on her face, her features seeming stretched with horror. And between the two pools of light thrown by the lanterns, Kili reached the top of the bridge, moving faster now that he was only knee-deep in water, and reached out for Esmeralda's hand. For a moment, Bilbo allowed himself to believe that all would be well. And then, Esmeralda's grip on the parapet slipped.

Bilbo dropped his umbrella, clapping his hand to his mouth in horror as the little hobbit lass dropped like a stone into the water. Begonia let out a piercing wail that had doors opening all over the hillside. But Kili, apparently without a moment's hesitation, leapt onto the parapet and from there dived into the swirling water, narrowly missing a great log that was caught under the near arch of the bridge and disappearing under the surface as swiftly as Esmeralda had done.

For a moment, all was still, the rushing of the rain and the roaring of the water seeming almost silent as Bilbo held his breath, waiting, counting the seconds. Begonia's scream had cut off abruptly, and she was frozen in the same attitude as Bilbo, one hand to her mouth, staring desperately at the water as if, if she only looked hard enough, she might be able to see through the opaque surface.

And then Kili burst upwards from the water in the middle of the stream, gasping and coughing, Esmeralda clutched in his arms. She was crying piteously, hiccuping and sobbing, and Bilbo thought he had never heard a more welcome sound in his life.

"Oh!" he cried. "Oh! Oh!" For he could think of nothing more to say, but felt nonetheless that he must say something, must give vent to the extraordinary feeling of relief that threatened to cut his legs out from under him.

Begonia, it seemed, felt much the same, for she was making incomprehensible noises on the other side of the Water and running now so that she was level with Kili where he stood, the water flowing up to his chin, some distance down from the bridge. He lifted Esmeralda above the flow of the water, settling her on his shoulders and then turning towards Begonia. But at the first step he took it became clear that it would not be at all easy for him to cross to the bank, for as soon as he moved forward he seemed to stumble and his head disappeared briefly under the water. Esmeralda let out a wail, although her own head was still safely over a foot above the surface, and Bilbo found himself taking an involuntary step forward, though of course there was nothing at all he could do. But Kili's head quickly reappeared, and he stood still as if considering how he might proceed.

At that moment, there came a new shout, and Bilbo looked up to see Adalgrim Took, his own cousin and Begonia's husband, come roaring down the hillside with a length of rope coiled over his arm. He was followed by a gaggle of children, the rest of their brood, of whom the youngest, little Paladin, barely nine years old, had to be forcibly restrained from entering the water to try and reach his sister. This group shouldered their way through the crowd of hobbits that had begun to gather on the bank - and Bilbo became aware that there were some on his side, too, standing under umbrellas and occasionally gasping with horror - and Adalgrim waded in beside his wife, up to his waist, and then came no further, instead whirling the end of the rope around his head and flinging it in Kili's direction.

"Catch hold, master dwarf," he boomed. "Catch hold and we will pull you in!"

Adalgrim Took was large for a hobbit, barrel-chested and broad-shouldered. He had the spirit of his forebear, Bullroarer Took, and although it was some distance between him and Kili, and what little light there was was rapidly fading, nonetheless his first throw fell only a foot or so short. Kili raised his hand and stretched towards it, but he could not reach, and Adalgrim pulled the rope in and prepared to throw again.

It was then that Bilbo heard a familiar voice on his side of the river, and he turned to see the hobbits behind him parting as Fili pushed his way through, standing a head taller than all the rest.

"Kili - Kili!" called Fili as he came. "Are you here?" He cast about and suddenly spied Bilbo, his expression shifting from worry to relief. "Mr. Baggins!" he said. "Why are you standing in the river? Where is my brother?"

Bilbo opened his mouth, though what he was planning to say he had not the first idea. In the end, though, he was spared any attempt at trying to find the right words, for Fili's eyes slid past him to the river, and then grew wide and horror-struck.

"Kili!" he cried, dashing forward, but at that moment Adalgrim cast again, and this time Kili caught the rope and held firm. Bilbo quickly caught at Fili's arm.

"Do not be foolish, master dwarf!" he cried. "Your brother will be safe soon, and there is a great deal of danger between you and him!" It was true, for Kili and Esmeralda were now closer to the opposite bank, and to reach them Fili would have to pass through the deepest and fastest part of the river. Still, he took two more steps into the river, going up to his waist in the water, before he stopped, glancing back at Bilbo with fear in his face.

"Can he swim?" Bilbo asked, having to raise his voice to be heard over the sound of the rain and the river.

Fili shook his head. "He could when he was a child, though he did not like it," he said. "Now - I do not know." He did not say what he was no doubt thinking - that Kili's terror of water had most likely prevented him from ever learning to swim.

"Well, perhaps it is like with archery, and his body will remember it for him," Bilbo said, trying to sound quite convinced. "At any rate, he has the rope now."

And indeed he did, although his progress had been stalled once more, for although he was small and narrow-shouldered for a dwarf, nonetheless dwarf he was, with dense bones and taller and broader than any hobbit. What was more, he was no longer the half-starved creature Fili and Bilbo had found in the wildlands a year before, for a year of good and plentiful food had given him a much healthier air, although he would never be as stocky and stout as his fellows. So it was that Adalgrim, bear of a hobbit as he was, seemed unable to pull Kili from the water, or even hold the rope while he pulled himself and Esmeralda out. Each time Kili tried to move forwards, Adalgrim slipped a little further down the bank, and now they both stood still, Kili still submerged to his neck with Esmeralda on his shoulders, and Adalgrim, the rope tied around his chest, digging his heels into the river bank, his wife wrapping her arms around his waist and lending her weight to his.

"Help, here! Help!" Begonia cried, and immediately some of the hobbits on that side ran to stand with her, some grasping the rope, others forming a chain behind Begonia and Adalgrim. The children could not be dissuaded from joining in, too, although there were many watchful eyes on them to ensure that they were safely out of the way of any real danger. Together, they hauled on the rope, and Kili, gripping tightly on his end of the rope, began to inch his way towards the bank. After his initial stumble, it seemed he was barely lifting his feet from the river bed, but nonetheless he made good progress, until suddenly it seemed something struck him below the surface of the water, for he staggered and slipped again, and this time he disappeared completely under the water, and Esmeralda was submerged almost to her armpits. She cried out, and Fili called his brother's name and started forward, but Kili reappeared, apparently having managed to maintain his footing. He paused in his forward motion, though, steadying himself and then looking up at Esmeralda, apparently saying something to her, though Bilbo could hear nothing over the sound of the river. A moment later, Kili handed the end of the rope up to her, and she tied it around her waist and then gripped it tightly. Kili took hold of the rope a little further along, and resumed his slow progress.

And it was then that disaster struck. There was great tearing noise from the direction of the bridge, and Bilbo turned his horrified gaze in that direction to see that the great log that had been caught under the arch had been ripped free, and now span across the current in a great arc. There was barely time even for him to understand what he was seeing before the log connected with Kili, dealing him a clout to the head and who knew what violence under the water. Esmeralda screamed again, the high pitch of her voice cutting through all the other noise until it sounded clear and brittle in the air. And then both of them disappeared under the water.

Immediately, there was uproar. The hobbits on both banks were calling out advice, lamentations, or simply crying out in fear. Adalgrim was roaring as he hauled on the rope, _come on, lads, let's get them out_. Bilbo made a rather extraordinary noise that he had never heard himself make before, and then found himself barely able to breathe. Of all of them, Fili was the only one who made no sound. Instead, he merely threw himself forward into the current, taking three more steps on solid ground until the water came up to his chin and then plunging forward and down under the surface.

"Fili!" cried Bilbo, though of course Fili could not hear him, and even if he could, he would not have turned back. In fact, Bilbo would not have asked him to, though his heart quailed in fear, for now both his beloved dwarf friends were submerged in the dark, churning water, and there was nothing he could do but watch.

Then Adalgrim roared again, and a great cry went up from the hobbits on the far bank. Bilbo peered through the driving rain and saw that they had pulled the rope entirely free of the water and now were untying from the end of it a sodden, muddy bundle, far too small to be Kili. Begonia gave a sobbing cry and swept the bundle up into her arms, and then Bilbo made out that it was little Esmeralda, choking and sobbing herself, and thus clearly alive and awake. Adalgrim wrapped his arms around his wife and daughter, and their other children clung to whatever leg or arm they could reach, until they became like a many-limbed beast in the darkness, cries of relief proceeding from all throats.

But Bilbo, though of course he was overjoyed to see his poor little cousin rescued, could not join in the relief. For Esmeralda had been tied to the end of the rope, but Kili had only been holding it, and of him, there was no sign. The water swirled and foamed, thick and dark, and no dwarf head broke the surface, neither Kili nor Fili, and it was only the fact that Bilbo was still clutching his lantern that stopped him from wringing his hands until they bled. The great log that had proved Kili's undoing had caught against a stand of half-submerged trees growing on the bank, and now jutted out into the current some way downstream, but between there and Bilbo the water was one great expanse of nothingness.

And then, just as Bilbo began to wonder if he could in fact wade into the current himself, if he might be able to swim just enough to find his friends (which of course he certainly could not), there was movement near the centre of the river, and a moment later, the surface boiled up and a head appeared. It took a moment for Bilbo to realise that it was Fili, for his hair was dark with mud and in the darkness his features could barely be distinguished. Bilbo opened his mouth to shout, but before he could, Fili was gone again, plunging back underneath the surface, and Bilbo, heart in his throat, took another step into the water and then hastily pulled back, for the muddy grass under his feet was slippery and beginning to slope down rather steeply.

"Can he swim, Mr. Bilbo?" asked a voice at his elbow, and Bilbo turned to see young Hamfast Gamgee, peering into the rain from under his oilskin hood. "The dark one, I mean."

"I rather think not," Bilbo said, his voice coming out choked and small. Hamfast looked worried and raised his lantern higher, putting a hand on Bilbo's shoulder, and at that moment, Fili erupted from the water again, and this time, he brought his brother with him.

Bilbo sagged in relief, and Hamfast quickly shifted his grip from shoulder to elbow, allowing Bilbo to lean on his arm, for which the poor hobbit was most grateful. Fili was gasping and spluttering, but Kili's head was tipped back on his brother's shoulder, and he was neither struggling nor heaving for breath. Indeed, Bilbo could not see if he was breathing at all, and he found himself leaning rather heavily on Hamfast, who, to his credit, made no complaint. Fili now seemed to be standing on the river bed, but when he tried to take a step, he encountered the same problem that Kili had found earlier, staggering and slipping below the surface again for a moment. A second attempt yielded a similar result, and Bilbo turned despairing eyes up and down the river, and was about to call for rope - though he had little hope that the small number of hobbits that lived on their side could pull two dwarves out when all the crowd on the far side had not even managed one - when he had a sudden idea.

"Fili!" he called. "Fili, the log! The log!" And he gestured wildly in the direction of the aforementioned log, waving his arms as if he thought somehow Fili might have lost his dwarish ability to see remarkably clearly even in deep gloom. Fili turned to look at him, and then looked downriver at the log, and Bilbo could not make out the expression on his face, but a moment later he launched himself into the water, one arm tightly around his brother, supporting his head above the water, and the other paddling powerfully and not a little frantically towards the near bank. Of course, the two dwarves were immediately caught up by the current and borne swiftly downstream, and Bilbo tore free of Hamfast's grasp and went running down the bank after them, though he was quickly outpaced. For a horrifying moment, he thought that they would be swept away entirely, but then Fili made a last, desperate effort, and managed to move sideways across the current just enough that when they were carried past the log that now jutted into the stream, he was able to reach out and grasp hold of one of the thick roots. The momentum of the current swung the two dwarves round, smashing them against the downstream side of the log, and the log trembled with the sudden, jarring weight of two dwarves hanging from it. For a moment it seemed that it might tear loose from its moorings and send log, dwarves and all tumbling back into the raging river, but it held firm. Fili managed to draw himself and his brother in close behind, so that they were somewhat sheltered from the buffeting of the water, but hidden from sight, and Bilbo sprinted to the other side, his lantern swinging wildly as he ran and the beam of light it threw casting grotesque, writhing shadows into the night. When he reached the downstream side of the little stand of trees the log was caught among, he saw that Fili had managed to regain his footing, and now inched his way towards the bank, clinging with one hand to the log and with the other to his brother. Kili's head was hanging limply, and his hair covered his face, so that, though they were closer now, Bilbo still could not see if he breathed. Fili was tight-lipped and grim-faced, trails of mud and blood tracing down his cheeks and temples. His hair hung dripping and dark over his eyes, but of course he had no hand free to push it back, and Bilbo itched to do it for him, but could only stand knee-deep in the water and wait.

And wait he did, as Fili dragged himself and his brother inch by agonising inch along the log, and at some point he became aware that there was a silent crowd of hobbits waiting with him, and that Hamfast Gamgee stood again at his elbow, and Holman Greenhand on his other side, and he was grateful. But he was more grateful still when Fili's shoulders finally rose above the water level, and then his chest, and then a dozen hobbits were wading into the water along with Bilbo to take him by the arms and shoulders, to support the burden of Kili, who he carried now half-over his shoulder, and to bear them all, half-stumbling and half-carried, to the safety of the bank. As soon as he set foot on the grass, Fili seemed to lose all strength, and he would have fallen headlong to the ground if he hadn't been caught by many hobbit hands and laid carefully down. And Kili was laid beside him, and Bilbo now brushed back the tangled mess of hair from his face with trembling hands and laid a hand against his mouth. Kili's lips were icy cold, and his face was bloodless and almost blue in the warm yellow light of the lantern, his eyes half-open and starinng in a way that made Bilbo's heart lurch. But there was a puff of air, warm air, against Bilbo's fingers, and another, and another, and Bilbo finally dropped his lantern and then himself, sitting down hard on the wet grass between his two stricken friends.

"Oh," he murmured. "Oh."

Holman's warm hand found his shoulder and squeezed, and Bilbo closed his eyes and let the rain run down his face. Where his umbrella had got to, he had no idea. And in fact, he would never find it again.


	8. Chapter 8

If Bilbo had been snug and warm in his hobbit hole, or even anywhere dry and quiet at all, a chamber hewn from the stone of the Lonely Mountain or even an elven storeroom deep in a hostile forest, he might have sat for an hour or more while his poor shattered nerves knitted themselves back together. But he was not in his hobbit hole, nor yet in a dwarvish kingdom or an elven fortress; he was sitting in the pouring rain beside a flooded river, and there were two dwarves stretched out beside him who required that he should attend to them, for they could hardly attend to themselves. And so, after allowing shock and exhaustion to overcome him for only the briefest moment, he began to give himself a good talking-to. "Well, Bilbo Baggins," he said to himself, "this is a terrible mess, and no mistake! You have invited those poor dwarves to your home with the promise that they would be safe and have time to heal, and now they are freezing and half-drowned, and all because of your own cousin! And what would your mother say, to see you now sitting here and doing nothing about it?"

This last thought had him lurching to his feet, and turning quickly towards Fili, who lay on his back staring dazedly up into the rain.

"My dear Fili," he said, kneeling beside his friend and patting his cheek, "are you awake? We must get you and your brother inside."

Fili blinked up at him. "Mr. Baggins," he murmured, sounding oddly distant. And then, all of a sudden, his body convulsed, and he turned abruptly onto his side and expelled copious amounts of filthy water from his stomach. Bilbo, rather startled, used one hand to pull his hair out of the way and laid the other between his shoulderblades, rubbing gently.

"Oh dear," he said. "Well, better out than in, as my father used to say."

Fili gasped and heaved a little more, and then his vomiting transformed into a coughing that had Bilbo sitting him up and leaning him over, trying to relieve the pressure on his chest. The coughing went on for far too long for Bilbo's liking, and by the end of it Fili had tears in his eyes and was gasping for breath, but at last it tailed off, and Bilbo allowed himself to relax a little. Of course, that lasted almost no time at all, for as soon as he had breath to speak, Fili seized Bilbo by the shirtfront.

"My brother," he wheezed. "Where is my brother?"

Bilbo looked at him in some surprise, and then realised he was blocking Fili's view of Kili and shuffled quickly out of the way.

"He is there, master dwarf," he said. "He is right beside you. And he is breathing, do not fret."

Fili made a rather choked-sounding noise and tried to get to his feet, settling at last for his knees and crawling over to his brother in a odd, crab-like fashion. He rolled Kili onto his back and pushed his hair away from his face.

"But he is so cold," he said, propping Kili's head up with one hand and patting his cheek with the other. "Are you awake, my brother? Are you well?"

Kili made no answer to this, nor so much as twitched, and Fili reached out a trembling hand and pulled at his left eyelid, lifting it so that both he and Bilbo could see that the eye stared blankly at nothing. He let go immediately, and Kili's eyelid fell back to half-mast, neither asleep nor awake. Fili cast Bilbo a despairing look.

"He has gone away," he said.

Bilbo nodded, and indeed he felt not the least shock at this, but only a heavy sense of sorrow, for he had suspected as much from the moment he saw Kili's head lolling on Fili's shoulder.

"He will come back, my lad," he said to Fili. "He always does."

Fili did not look entirely convinced by this, but when he opened his mouth to speak, he was overtaken by another coughing fit, albeit rather less violent than the previous one, and this was enough to spur Bilbo into action of a different sort.

"Well!" he said, and then looked up at the hobbits who still stood around him, silent and worried. "Can you help me?" he asked. "I must get them somewhere warm and dry."

There was much exchanging of uneasy glances, for of course a hobbit could certainly not carry a dwarf, and even two hobbits together would most probably not succeed. But then Holman Greenhand pushed his way to stand by Bilbo's shoulder and turned to look at the crowd.

"Now then, lads and lasses," he said, "we'll need blankets and rope. Blankets! At least three!" He directed this last to Asphodel Burrows, who immediately turned on her heel, running towards one of the houses closest to the river. Holman dropped into a crouch beside Fili and nodded to him.

"We'll carry your friend, but can you walk, master dwarf?" he asked.

Fili shook his head. "I will carry him," he said. "He is my brother, I will carry him." And he slid a hand below Kili's knees, and another under his back, and lurched to his feet. He got no further than that, however, but staggered, and would have fallen and taken Kili with him had not Holman and Hamfast Gamgee leaped to support him on either side. As it was, he merely sank gracelessly to his knees, clutching Kili to his chest and bowing his head. Holman murmured something in young Hamfast's ear, and the boy nodded and sat stalwartly by Fili's side, managing to support him without seeming to do so, and Bilbo sat on his other side and did his best to do the same, although he rather felt like he needed support himself. Meanwhile, Asphodel had come running back with a stack of blankets, and someone else had produced some rope, and Holman was on his feet in a moment and shouting instructions, until they had rigged a sort of makeshift stretcher and laid it on the grass in front of the two dwarves.

"Now then, master dwarf," said Holman kindly, "if you'll just let your brother go for a few minutes, we will carry him up the hill for you."

Fili did not seem to hear this, and Bilbo patted him on the arm.

"Fili, my dear lad," he said. "You must put your brother down."

For a moment, Fili only hugged Kili closer to himself, but then he seemed to understand, and leaned forward, laying Kili gently on the blanket stretcher. Holman nodded and marshalled his sodden little hobbit army, and in a moment all hands were lifting, and the stretcher rose from the ground. Hamfast caught Bilbo's eye, and between them they managed to get Fili to his feet, and they stumbled after the stretcher-bearers. The hill, which most of the time was barely an obstacle to a healthy hobbit, seemed to stretch steeply above them for miles, like the Misty Mountains themselves, and the rain made the pathways slippery beneath their feet. But, after what seemed like an hour, they finally arrived at Bag End, and Bilbo was grateful to see that Fili had left the door swinging wide open in his haste to find his brother, and was not even in the least put out that this had resulted in the hallway becoming extremely wet.

The hobbits carrying the stretcher struggled rather to fit both themselves and their dwarvish burden through Bilbo's front door, but somehow they managed, and soon they had laid Kili down in front of the living room fire, which was still playing merrily, as though nothing at all had happened. By the time Bilbo and Hamfast deposited Fili beside his brother, Holman had already built the fire up further and placed a large pot of water on the stove to boil, and was now engaged in shooing away all the hobbits who had crowded into Bilbo's living room.

"Away with you!" he cried. "Don't you have homes to go to?"

And of course, although they were all curious indeed about the dwarves and about what had happened, they were also soaked to the skin and very cold, and so they went gladly enough, until only Holman was left, holding his hat between his hands and watching Kili with a concerned expression.

"Is there anything else I can help you with, Mr. Bilbo?" he asked. "I don't rightly know as I have any dry clothes that would fit a dwarf, but we've blankets a-plenty, and firewood, if you need it."

"Thank you, Holman," Bilbo said. "I think we can manage with what we have here. You have been a great help."

He took his friend by the arm and led him out of the living room to the hallway, were Hamfast was hovering, looking worried.

"Well now, Ham Gamgee!" Holman cried. "Why are you loitering in Mr. Bilbo's hall for? Didn't I tell you to get home before your mother worries herself half to death?"

Hamfast looked nervous and glanced at the living room door. "But he's - he's not dead, is he, Mr. Bilbo?" he asked. "The dark one, I mean. Only he's so still."

Bilbo sighed. "No, he is not dead," he said.

"What's wrong with him, then?" Hamfast asked, earning himself a glare and a _harrumph_ from Holman.

"Well," Bilbo said, considering his next words carefully, "that is a long and unhappy tale, and I don't know that it is rightly mine to tell. But he is very afraid of water. Deeply afraid."

Hamfast's brow creased at this. "But he jumped right in after little Esme!" he cried. "I saw him with my own eyes. Jumped right in, he did!"

"Yes," Bilbo said, and even in among everything that had happened, that very fact made his heart swell a little with what might have been hope. "Yes, he did indeed."

"That's enough questions, you," Holman said. "Out!" And he gave Hamfast an amiable shove, nodded at Bilbo, then slapped his soaking hat back on his head and bustled them both out of the door, closing it carefully behind them.

Bilbo stood in his half-flooded hallway, staring at the door and wondering how a day that was certainly no longer than any other could seem like it had been going on for years. Why, only that morning Fili had been laughing at him as he fussed around, and now -

Well, now Bilbo had plenty of fussing to be doing.

He turned back to the living room, finding his two dwarf friends sitting just as he had imagined they would be, Kili leaning back against Fili's chest, Fili's arms around Kili's shoulders. The fire crackled merrily before them, but Fili shivered and Kili merely sat, limp and lolling, like a sack of flour. Bilbo sighed, and then squared his shoulders and stepped into the room.

"We must get you out of those wet clothes," he said.

Fili frowned at him for a moment, then nodded and began to fumble with the laces on Kili's tunic. Bilbo hurried off to find some towels, and took the opportunity to divest himself of his own sodden garments at the same time, drying off quickly and slipping on a linen nightshirt and a pair of old, worn breeches. By the time he returned to the living room, carrying a stack of towels and blankets, Fili had stripped his brother to the waist, and Bilbo paused in the doorway, his breath catching in his throat. Kili's skin was bone-white, and his scars stood out a livid purple, streaks of mud making the dwarvish letters that marched across his shoulder-blades look like they were written on the torn page of some dreadful book. It had been quite some time since Bilbo had seen his friend's back in clear light, and if anything, he found himself more appalled even than the first time he had witnessed it, for then he had barely known Kili and had not yet been sure whether he was to be feared or pitied, but now - well, now he had recognised that there was a third option, one that he would not have countenanced all those many days ago in the wildlands. Pity there was still in plenty, oh, enough pity for ten hobbits together, but Bilbo felt a great deal more than that when it came to Kili now, and to see again the clear marks of what had been done to him - to be able to read the letters that once he had mistaken for mere lines and patterns, and to know that they had been put there in that manner exactly so that people like Bilbo might be able to read them and understand what they signified - it knocked the breath from his lungs and made his throat tighten, though whether it was with grief or rage, he was not quite sure.

But then Fili looked up and reached out, and Bilbo swallowed both grief and rage and stepped forwards, pressing a towel into Fili's hand and taking another one himself. Between them, they dried Kili as much as they could, and then set about removing his breeches. When he was as dry as he would get, Bilbo wrapped him in the thickest, softest blanket he owned, and pushed his hair back from his face, peering into his half-open, staring eyes.

"You are safe now," he murmured, although of course this had no effect whatsoever on Kili.

Fili took Kili by the shoulders, making to pull him back against his chest, but Bilbo kept hold of him and tutted.

"Now, master dwarf," he said, "you are still soaking, and filthy, to boot. You need a bath. I hear the water boiling in the kitchen, and you know where the tub is."

Fili stared at him. "I will stay with Kili," he said.

"Well, bring it in here, then," Bilbo said. "You'll be warmer in front of the fire, anyway."

Fili frowned at that, staring at the back of Kili's head. "I don't want to scare him," he muttered.

Bilbo sighed. "That is very laudable," he said, "but I don't think he has the slightest notion of what is going on around him."

Fili looked stricken at this, and Bilbo half-wished the words back into his mouth, but they were true enough, and there was no sense pretending that Kili was anything other than gone away. Fili reached a hand out and brushed his palm against Kili's hair. He looked far too pale, dark shadows under his eyes and blood drying on the side of his face.

"Don't go away, o my brother," he murmured. "Why must you always go away?"

But Kili did not answer, and after a moment, Fili shook his head.

"We don't know what he sees," he said. "I will not bring the bath in here."

"Well, bathe in the kitchen, if you must," Bilbo said. "But you must bathe, my lad. I insist."

He waited, ready to marshal his arguments against Fili's stubborn determination not to move one foot away from his brother, but to his surprise, Fili lurched rather unsteadily to his feet.

"But you will look after him?" he said, and Bilbo, still somewhat flummoxed by Fili's uncharacteristic obedience in this matter, nodded quickly.

"I am amazed you even need to ask," he said.

Fili nodded jerkily, and then turned on his heel and stumbled towards the kitchen, and Bilbo watched him go and reflected that after all, although he had not spent as much time in the water as had Kili, nor had as much reason to be affected by it, he had been through a very difficult experience that night nonetheless, and such a thing might be enough to make even the most stubborn of dwarves unusually biddable. He sighed, resolving not to worry about something so trivial when he had much greater troubles to concern himself with, and took Kili by the shoulders, leaning him back against an armchair and tipping his chin up so that his head did not fall forward onto his chest.

"I do so hate it when you do this," he said. Kili stared at nothing, and Bilbo sighed.

"Your brother hates it even more than I do, if that is at all possible," he said. "Will you not come back, for his sake if not for mine?"

This garnered no response, and Bilbo took Kili's face between his hands, fixing him with a serious gaze as if that might somehow bring him back from wherever he had gone.

"You are safe here," he said. "You are safe and nothing can hurt you. It's safe to come back now."

He waited a long moment, but Kili did not so much as twitch, and Bilbo finally let go of his friend, letting his chin fall onto his chest and sighing in frustration.

"I do not understand you," he said, more sharply than he had intended. Of course, Kili did not respond to this, either, but that did not prevent Bilbo from feeling rather guilty. He folded up one of the blankets and found a way to prop Kili's head up so that he did not look too uncomfortable, and then fussed over him a little, tucking another blanket around him and rearranging his limbs until he was satisfied that none of them was unpleasantly twisted or bent.

"That was a brave thing you did," he said. "You saved little Esmeralda's life." He patted Kili's cheek. "Very brave indeed," he murmured.

At this, Kili made an odd sort of noise, and Bilbo's eyes widened.

"Kili?" he said. "Kili, do you hear me?"

Kili made the same noise again, a sort of gurgling sigh, and Bilbo smiled and patted his cheek again.

"That's right, my lad," he said. "Time to come back now."

"What? Is he awake?" came Fili's voice, and Bilbo looked up to see him crossing the room in long strides, a towel wrapped around his waist and the occasional left-over streak of mud telling of a hasty bath indeed.

"I think he is waking up," Bilbo said, stroking a hand across Kili's filthy hair. Fili slid to his knees beside him and reached out for his brother's shoulders with urgent hands.

"Come back, then, my brother," he said. "We have been waiting for you."

Kili made an odd sort of choking noise, and then, without any other warning, his body jerked violently, and he began to retch. Fili's eyes widened, and Bilbo leaped to his feet, wrapping an arm around Kili's stomach and pushing on his back so that he was leaning forwards and would not choke. Kili convulsed against him, a mixture of muddy water and bile splattering on Bilbo's beautifully polished wooden floor. Fili seemed at a loss, staring at his brother with his hands still half-raised towards him, and Bilbo wished he could find a way to comfort both brothers at once, for it was clear that they both sorely needed it. But it was Kili who was the most urgent case at that moment, and he murmured gentle words to him, and stroked his matted hair, and pressed a warm hand between his shoulder blades, until at last he seemed to have nothing left in his stomach to expel. Still he heaved, once, twice, and Bilbo held him close and shushed him until the convulsions had subsided entirely.

"There," he crooned. "Well, you are all done, now. You must feel a great deal better."

But Kili did not reply, his head hanging, and Bilbo pulled his hair back and saw that the vacant expression on his face had not disappeared, and now his jaw hung slack, strands of bile still trailing from his lips.

"Oh," he said, feeling rather sick himself at the sight of it.

"Mr. Baggins?" Fili asked. "Kili, are you all right?"

Bilbo carefully propped Kili back up against the chair and found a handkerchief to wipe his face. Fili stared at him, for of course it was immediately clear that Kili was still absent in all ways that mattered.

"He has not come back," Fili said, his voice cracked with disappointment. "He has - why did he not come back?"

Bilbo shook his head, trying very hard not to think about what might have happened if he had not been there to tip Kili's head forward. "He is just not ready yet, master dwarf," he said. "You must have patience."

Fili bowed his head for a moment, as if he could not quite bear to look at his brother. Then he straightened his shoulders and stumbled to his feet, marching out of the room and returning with a bowl of steaming water and a washcloth. He knelt before his brother, carefully cleaning the vomit and mud from his chest and stomach.

"You have made quite a mess of Mr. Baggins's blanket," he murmured. "Not to mention his floor."

Kili simply stared at nothing, and Bilbo sighed and got to his feet, wrinkling his nose at the filthy puddle on the floor, and then turning to go and fetch a mop.

"He certainly has," he said.

* * *

By the time Bilbo had finished cleaning the floor and bundled Kili's soiled blanket out onto the porch so that they would not be troubled by the smell, Fili had begun cleaning his brother in earnest, scrubbing at the grime that streaked his skin with an expression of deep concentration on his face. Bilbo found his own washcloth and began to assist, sitting on Kili's other side and carefully working his way up Kili's arm to his shoulder, the ridges of Kili's scarred skin rough beneath his hands. Kili sat silent, his limbs lifeless and his skin far too pale, and Bilbo was reminded uncomfortably of cleaning his father's body before his funeral, so much so that he found himself reaching out every few seconds to check that Kili still drew breath. He was not alone, either, for Fili mirrored his actions, though neither of them spoke of it, or said a word at all. The fire crackled merrily, and the rain rattled against the window, and hobbit and dwarf went silently about their task lost in their own thoughts, until finally Kili was more or less clean.

Fili retrieved another blanket from the stack Bilbo had brought in, and wrapped it carefully around his brother. Bilbo reached out to pat his arm, and then was distracted from his gloomy thoughts, for Fili looked up at him and Bilbo was suddenly shocked by how unwell he looked. Of course, he had been under the weather before any of the night's catastrophes had happened at all, and inhaling half of the river certainly could not have helped matters, not to mention the strain of fearing once more for his brother's life. His eyes looked sunken into his face, deep and shadowed, and there were lines of tension around the corners of his mouth that suggested he was in some measure of pain. Bilbo suddenly remembered the blood that had since been washed away, and he got hastily to his feet and knelt beside his young friend.

"Well, now, Master Fili," he said. "Now that your brother is as well as can be expected, it is your turn."

Fili looked up at him with a frown. "My turn for what, Mr. Baggins?" he asked.

Bilbo patted him on the shoulder, and then began gently probing as his head, searching for the origin of the blood he had seen. "You have done yourself an injury," he said.

"Oh, I am perfectly all right," Fili said. "There is no need to fuss."

"Hmph," Bilbo said. "You have not proven yourself to be the best authority on matters pertaining to your own health, if you don't mind my saying so, master dwarf. I can hardly be expected to take your opinion into account."

Fili looked rather surprised at this, but he made no further protest, and Bilbo gently poked and prodded him until he found a ragged cut just above his hairline. He tutted over this and spent some time cleaning it and anointing it with salve until he was satisfied that it would cause no further problems.

"Now," he said, sitting back, and was about to order Fili to bed when the words dried up on his tongue, for the young dwarf was staring at his brother, and his expression had an extraordinary air of tragedy about it that had his heart lurching in his chest. Instinctively, Bilbo checked that Kili was still breathing - although of course Fili would certainly have made it known if he was not - and then shook his head in alarm.

"What on earth is the matter?" he asked.

"His hair," Fili groaned, without taking his eyes off Kili. "Our mother would rather die than allow him to continue with his hair this way."

Privately, Bilbo thought this was rather an exaggeration, but it was true that Kili's hair did look quite frightful, thick with slime and river mud, tangled with twigs and leaves and drying now into matted clumps that hung around his face. Fili made a despairing noise, and Bilbo patted him again, rather surprised at this sudden tendency towards melodrama from his normally stalwart companion. Nonetheless, it was not as though Bilbo was not accustomed to theatrics from dwarves - and in particular from certain dwarves who were rather closely related to this one - and so instead of allowing it to trouble him overmuch, he pondered how he might resolve the situation.

"Well, we will just have to clean it," he decided.

"But we cannot put his head under the water," Fili moaned.

"Certainly not!" Bilbo said, rather sharply, for although he was fairly convinced that Kili could not see or feel anything that was happening around him, nonetheless the very thought of submerging any part of him brought a guilty, worried ache to Bilbo's stomach. "But do not fret," he said, more kindly, "there are other ways."

Fili stared at him as though waiting for him to solve all the mysteries of the world, and Bilbo wondered tiredly when he had come to have two dwarves depending on him instead of just one. "Now, you stay there," he said, "and do not despair." And he got to his feet and bustled off to find the tools that he required.

When he returned, carrying a steaming bowl of soapy water in one hand and a sturdy comb with wide-set teeth in the other, Fili had moved only to shuffle closer to his brother, still staring mournfully at his hair. Bilbo patted his arm, and then sat down beside him and reached for the nearest matted clump, dipping the comb in the water and then carefully starting to work it through the very ends of Kili's hair. It was a difficult task, made even more so by the fact that Bilbo was trying his hardest not to tug on Kili's scalp, and after only a few moments he was deeply engaged in it, dipping the comb back into the water every few seconds. It was oddly soothing, carefully unravelling the knots that the river had tied in Kili's hair, and Bilbo was not sure how much time passed before he found that he could pass the comb through the last inch of the clump that he was working on, and that this inch seemed more or less clean into the bargain. He smiled in triumph and looked up to find Fili was watching him with round eyes, as if witnessing a miracle.

"You see?" Bilbo said. "No need for anything unpleasant at all."

Fili did not reply to this, but when Bilbo dipped the comb into the water again and made ready to begin again a little higher up, he suddenly reached out his hand.

"Can I-?" he asked.

"But of course, my dear lad," Bilbo said, and pressed the comb warmly into Fili's hand, passing the bowl of water over to him. Fili sat for a moment without making any move towards Kili, as if working himself up to the task ahead - and Bilbo, having spent so long concentrating on one small part of the little dwarf's hair, realised only now what a painstaking task it would be - before raising the comb and taking hold of the same clump of hair that Bilbo had been working on.

"We will see you right yet, my brother," he murmured, and set to work.

Bilbo retired to his armchair and watched for a little while, bringing a new bowl of water when the old one began to look thick and dark with mud. Fili was murmuring something as he worked, and when Bilbo leaned a little closer he could hear it was _come back, o my brother, it is time for you to come back now_. Bilbo leaned away again, for he did not wish to listen to that particular chant. After a while, he went to the room where the dwarves slept and lit a fire there, then bustled around a little heating more water, making tea and collecting all the blankets and counterpanes he could find in case he should need them. But when all this was done and he could find no further employment for himself, he settled back in his armchair and took out his pipe, finding himself lulled into a kind of meditative contemplation by the slow, murmuring rhythm of Fili's recitation. In fact, it was only when his pipe fell from his mouth and struck him on the back of the hand (having luckily gone out, and thus causing no more damage than a spill of ash across Bilbo's lap) that he realised he had fallen asleep. He started, blinking, and saw that the fire was burning low, and that Fili had finished his task at last, Kili's hair hanging dark and wet and clean over his shoulders. Kili still sat as before, his eyes half-lidded and staring, but Fili now sat behind his brother, Kili's back against his chest and Kili's head propped upon his shoulder. Fili had his arms wrapped around his brother's chest, and his forehead pressed into his shoulder, and he appeared to be asleep.

Bilbo got quietly to his feet, dusting the ash from himself and stepping over to make sure that the dwarves were both tightly wrapped in their blankets. He checked Kili's breathing and the temperature of his skin - which was now almost back to normal, he noted with approval - and then brushed an affectionate hand across Fili's shoulder. When he did so, however, he stopped in his tracks. For where Kili's skin felt slightly too cool, Fili's felt far too hot, even for someone who had been sitting in front of the fire for hours. Alarmed, Bilbo shook Fili by the shoulder and lifted his head up to peer into his face. Fili blinked bleary eyes at him and drew a deep, scraping breath that turned into an unpleasant-sounding cough.

"Oh dear," Bilbo muttered, rubbing his hand between Fili's shoulder-blades as the attack of coughing began to die away. He reached for the half-drunk cup of cold tea that sat not far away and pressed it into Fili's hand, and Fili drank gratefully. When he was once more able to speak, he groaned a little.

"We should stoke the fire up, Mr. Baggins," he said. "It is too cold in here, Kili will freeze."

"It is not cold in the least," Bilbo said. "But you are too hot. To bed with you, master dwarf! All this swimming has not been good for you, which is just as I always suspected."

Fili stared at him in some confusion, and Bilbo saw with some concern that sweat was standing out on his brow. "Bed?" he said. "But Kili-"

"Kili is going to bed, too," Bilbo said firmly. "This day has gone on quite long enough!"

Fili blinked slowly, and then nodded. "Kili," he murmured. "Time to wake up, my brother. Mr. Baggins says we must go to bed."

Kili, of course, did not respond to this in the least, and for an unpleasant moment Bilbo thought that Fili might have forgotten that his brother was absent, but then Fili gave a disappointed sigh and manoeuvred himself so that he had one arm under Kili's knees and the other beneath his back, then stood with a groan. Bilbo hovered, hoping that Fili had not once more overestimated his own strength, for if he were to drop Kili now there was very little that Bilbo would be able to do to help. But Fili's grip held firm, and although he staggered a little, he managed to carry his brother from the living room to the bedroom without incident. And a good thing, too, for if he had not had the strength, Kili would have had to stay in the living room until he could move under his own will again, and there was no saying how long that would be.

Once in the bedroom, Fili laid his brother down on the bed and then sat down heavily himself, his head hanging for a moment as if he had not the strength to hold it up. Then he began to crawl towards the pillow-stuffed corner where Kili usually slept. Bilbo, however, was not about to allow this.

"Now, Master Fili," he said firmly, "you must lie down. You have made yourself quite unwell, and you will get no better sitting up all night."

Fili stopped, halfway across the bed, and stared at him, and Bilbo noted with some concern that his eyes seemed rather glazed and, although his skin was pale, his cheeks were flushed in a way that did not look in the least healthy. "I want to sit with Kili," he said.

"I know you do," Bilbo said. "But nonetheless, I insist you lie down. I will watch over your brother and wake you immediately if he should need you."

Fili's mouth opened and closed, as if he wished to protest but was unable to quite formulate an objection. "But I want to sit with Kili," he said finally, sounding rather lost.

Bilbo sighed. "Well, perhaps Kili can lie down with you," he said.

"He doesn't like to lie down," Fili mumbled, and now Bilbo had to resist the urge to crawl across the bed himself in order to pat his friend's arm.

"He does not," he agreed. "But you have only two choices, master dwarf. You may lie down and have your brother sit up; or you may lie down and have your brother lie down with you. After all, if you are ill you can hardly look after him when he wakes up, now, can you?"

He prepared himself for further protest, but none came; instead, Fili simply stared at his brother, and it was perfectly clear from his face that he wanted nothing more than to choose the second option, and yet felt that he could not.

"I do not think he would mind," Bilbo said. He refrained from pointing out that Kili was, to all intents and purposes, not even present at all to mind or not mind, for he did not want to further upset Fili. "I think he would be happy to lie down, if it meant that you would get better more quickly."

Fili looked up at him. "Do you truly think that?" he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

"I certainly do," Bilbo said, although in truth he was not entirely convinced that Kili would consent to lie down if he were present, at least not happily. But he was not present, and Fili was and was in more urgent need of Bilbo's assistance than was Kili. And so he smiled and patted the bed, and Fili threw him a grateful look and crawled back to stretch out beside his brother, turning on his side to wrap an arm around Kili and bury his face in the back of his neck. Bilbo carefully cleared Kili's hair out of the way so that it would not suffocate his brother and then rummaged through his stack of bedding until he found his thickest, downiest counterpane, the one he normally reserved for the depths of winter. When he turned back to tuck it around his guests, he found that Fili had already fallen asleep.

"Well," Bilbo murmured, laying the counterpane over the two dwarves and smoothing it carefully. "It has been quite a day, and no mistake."

Fili breathed, deep and rasping, into his brother's neck. Kili stared at nothing from under his half-lidded eyes. Bilbo sighed, brushing Kili's wet hair back from his face and tucking one of Fili's braids behind his ear. This morning, both his friends had been relatively cheerful, but now one was sick in body and the other in mind, and Bilbo could do little to help either of them.

"I suppose I should get some rest, as well," he announced to his oblivious companions. He turned to glare at the lumpy armchair where it seemed he was once more destined to spend the night watching over his guests. "I must bring another bed in here," he said to himself. "Or at least a better chair. This one should certainly be burned next time we run out of firewood."

But he did not bring in a bed, nor yet a chair, for he found he had not the energy for anything more than to subside into the chair that was already present, uncomfortable though it was, and close his eyes, hoping as he drifted away that the next day would be more peaceful than this one had been.


	9. Chapter 9

When Bilbo awoke, the room was lit with a watery light, and Fili and Kili lay as he had left them on the bed, Kili with his eyes half open and staring, Fili wrapped around his brother, barely visible from where Bilbo was sitting. Bilbo had not remembered to draw the curtains the night before, and now it seemed it was well after dawn, although to him it felt as though he had only fallen asleep a few moments before. He spent a moment wondering why it felt like there was something he should have done during the night but had not, and then realised that this lingering sense of unease was due to having slept through the night without being woken by Kili's nightmares. Yesterday, that might have been a cause for celebration; today, it was a grim reminder of the fact that Kili's mind seemed no longer to be inhabiting his body. And even plagued by nightmares and deeply damaged as it was, still Bilbo would have given any number of nights of uninterrupted sleep to see that mind back where it belonged.

But that was not something that Bilbo could do; all he could do was attend to the needs of his friends and hope that Kili would come back of his own accord. And so he rose to his feet, taking a moment to stretch out the cramps and aches that came with spending another night in his uncomfortable chair, and then stepped over to the bed, checking Kili's face carefully for signs of awareness - there were none - and then leaning over him to examine what he could see of Fili, buried amongst blankets and counterpane and his brother's hair.

Bilbo reached out and pressed the palm of his hand against Fili's cheek. His skin was still far too hot, and Bilbo's fingers came away slick with sweat. Fili made no sound, nor did he stir, and Bilbo brushed his sweat-soaked hair back from his forehead and felt his stomach tighten at the sound of his rattling breath. Outside, it seemed the rain had eased off, if not quite stopped, but inside everything seemed just as hopeless as it had the night before, if not more so.

"Dwarves!" he muttered to himself, but even this exclamation had lost the heat it normally had, and sounded more like a plea than an imprecation. Bilbo shook his head, and was about to go in search of something to eat when there came a loud ringing at his doorbell.

"Who on earth can that be, so early in the morning?" Bilbo asked himself in astonishment, although in fact, it was well past second breakfast and almost time for afternoon tea. He cast around for something to wear, but of course he was not in his own bedroom, and after a moment he settled for tucking his nightshirt into his breeches and pulling the braces up over his shoulders, for although it was rude to appear half-dressed in front of visitors, it was certainly much ruder to keep them waiting outside in the rain.

The doorbell clanged again as Bilbo hurried from the guest bedroom into the hall. "All right, all right, I'm coming," he muttered, and paused a moment behind the door to take a breath and wipe the irritation from his face. This done, he swung open the door just as the hobbit on the other side was raising her hand to ring the bell again.

"Good morning!" he cried.

"Oh! Good morning, Bilbo!" said his visitor. It was his cousin Asphodel Burrows, carrying a voluminous umbrella and a large cake. "I had begun to think you had gone out!"

"Not likely, in this weather!" Bilbo said, for although the torrential downpour had stopped, it was still raining in a steady, dreary, autumnal way.

"Well," said Asphodel, "and how are your dwarves? They are quite recovered from last night, I hope?"

Bilbo was momentarily surprised at this, until he remembered that Asphodel had been present for at least the latter part of the events of the night before, and indeed had supplied the blankets that had allowed the hobbits to carry Kili to Bag End. "Oh," he said, "well, I am afraid they are rather poorly."

"Oh dear." Asphodel looked quite downhearted at this news. "I am sorry to hear that." She brightened a little. "But I have brought them a cake! I am sure that will help them to cheer up. They - they do eat cake, do they not?"

"Well, why would they not?" Bilbo asked in some astonishment, for he could not imagine how any creature would object to cake.

"Oh, I don't know," Asphodel said. "You hear such odd stories about dwarves, you know. They are rather rough folk, after all, are they not?"

Bilbo bristled a little at this, but Asphodel thrust the cake in his direction, and he took it, trying to bow at the same time, which resulted in the cake very nearly ending its existence on his hall floor.

"How very kind!" he said. "I am sure they will be most grateful." He paused, and Asphodel looked at him expectantly. Bilbo, being a well-bred hobbit as he was, sighed inwardly and stepped back from the door.

"Well, dear cousin," he said, "would you like to come in for tea?"

"Delighted, I'm sure!" said Asphodel, and came quickly inside, shaking off her umbrella and peering curiously in the direction of the bedrooms. "But the dwarves are not well, you say? Both of them? Such a shame, I was hoping to meet them."

"No, I'm afraid neither of them are receiving visitors," Bilbo said firmly, and then conducted his cousin through to the living room, leaving the cake on a little table in the hallway while he rushed to set the water to boil for tea. Asphodel made herself at home, though snatching glances continuously at the door, as though she expected a troupe of dwarves to burst through at any moment, and Bilbo had almost reached the stage of setting out cups when the doorbell rang again.

"Oh dear," Bilbo muttered to himself - though certainly not loud enough for his cousin to hear - and scurried back through the hallway to the door, taking a deep breath and opening it with an enquiring smile on his face.

"Good morning, cousin Bilbo!" chorused the two hobbits standing on the doorstep. It was Herugar and Jessamine Bolger, both of them cousins of Bilbo's, Jessamine even a first cousin on both sides. Herugar held a great umbrella that covered both of them, and Jessamine was carrying a large pot covered with a lid.

"Good morning!" Bilbo said. "How nice to see you both!" In fact, Bilbo was not particularly fond of the Bolgers, but of course it did not do to say such things to one's neighbours, especially not when they were also one's cousins.

"And you, too," Herugar said. "We thought we'd never see you again when you up and left without a word to anyone. An adventure, of all things! It's good to see you came to your senses and came back eventually, even if it did take you a rather long time."

Jessamine elbowed her husband. "But how are your dwarves?" she asked. "The dark one seemed quite unwell last night. I hope he is feeling better?"

"I'm afraid not," Bilbo said, wondering if every hobbit in Hobbiton had been a witness to Kili's rescue of Esmeralda. "They are both rather the worse for wear. But do come in," he added, for Herugar was starting to look quite perturbed at being left out on the doorstep.

"Oh, we cannot stay long," Jessamine said, beaming as she stepped past Bilbo. Bilbo's heart sank, for _we cannot stay long_ was traditionally uttered by hobbits who intended to stay at least for lunch, and possibly as late as afternoon tea. "I've made your dwarves some of my famous lamb stew." She looked suddenly anxious. "They do eat cooked food, I hope?"

"Good gracious, of course they do!" Bilbo said, beginning now to feel rather nettled. He took the pot from Jessamine, trying to remember if he had ever heard of his cousin's lamb stew and if so, what exactly it was famous for, and then remembering - rather late - to bow and mumble his thanks. But Jessamine and Herugar had already made their way to the living room, crying out in pleasure at finding Asphodel there, and Bilbo placed the pot of stew next to the cake on the hall table and hurried back to the kitchen to finish making the tea. The pot was boiling merrily, and Bilbo had succeeded in filling the teapot, brewing the tea, and pouring out two cups when the doorbell rang once more.

"_Dratted_ thing!" Bilbo cried, quite unable to help himself. Hastily, he poured one more cup of tea and took all three to the living room - for it would hardly do to leave it any longer, when Asphodel had been already been sitting there for quite some time - then made his apologies and hurried once more to the front door. He paused again, this time for rather longer than he had the last two times, and drew in a deep breath, then plastered a smile across his face.

"Good morning!" he cried as he opened the door.

* * *

By the time Bilbo had been awake for an hour, he had seven hobbits in his living room, most of them related to him in one way or another, and all of them inhabitants of the near bank of the river, for the bridge was still impassible. The hall was beginning to become rather crowded with the gifts of food that they had brought, including two rather large marrows from his cousin Posco's garden. He had successfully made tea for all of them, had found enough cake and scones in the pantry to go around - for of course it would be quite rude to offer them any of the food that had been expressly given to the dwarves - and was attempting to make polite conversation when there came yet another knock at the door. Bilbo managed to restrain himself from exclaiming in exasperation, and got hastily to his feet, offering his apologies once more and wondering if indeed there was anyone left on this side of the river who was not currently ensconced by Bilbo's fire.

When he swung open the door this time, though, the hobbit standing on the other side was a welcome sight.

"Holman," Bilbo said, in some relief. "Thank goodness."

Holman gave him a rather alarmed look. "Are you all right, Mr. Bilbo?" he said. "You look all of a-flutter."

"Oh, I have every hobbit from here to Bywater visiting me," Bilbo said. "But you are very welcome to come in, too. Although I'm not sure there are any chairs left."

"I wouldn't want to impose, I'm sure," Holman said. "I just came to find out how your dwarves were faring. The dark one did look so ill last night, and the fair one not much better."

Bilbo sighed, leaning against the doorframe a little, for he felt rather exhausted.

"They are much the same, I'm afraid," he said. "In fact, I think Fili might be rather worse. He is the fair-haired one," he added at Holman's blank look.

Holman frowned at this. "Nothing good ever came of swimming in the river, Mr. Bilbo," he said. "I suppose it's not a good time for visiting, then. But is there anything I can do?"

"Oh, you might as well visit," Bilbo said. "Everyone else is." He cast a worried glance towards the guest room, for he had not had a chance to look in on Fili and Kili since Asphodel rang the bell. "But I will just make sure they are all right," he said. "If you could send my apologies to my guests."

"I'll do more than that, Mr. Bilbo," Holman said, patting him on the shoulder. "You go along and look after your dwarves. I'll look after your visitors."

Bilbo hesitated, feeling rather doubtful, for it was not considered polite among hobbits for a host to delegate his responsibility to someone else, especially someone who was neither related nor a member of the host's household. But Holman gave him a gentle shove in the direction of the dwarves' room, and he found himself going willingly enough, politeness be hanged.

"Thank you, Holman," he murmured, and Holman bowed.

"Think nothing of it," he said.

* * *

When Bilbo slipped back into the guest room, Fili and Kili were just as he had left them. The room was quiet but for the low rumble of conversation from the living room and Fili's laboured breathing, and Bilbo sank down into his armchair, feeling suddenly rather weak, and contemplated Kili's blank, half-lidded stare.

"Well, you have made yourself rather popular," he said. "Although I'm not entirely sure it was worth it." This, of course, was not quite fair, for if Kili had not done what he had done, Esmeralda would certainly have been killed, and, much as it made Bilbo's heart ache to see his friend in such a condition, he could not wish his little cousin's life away. He sighed and rose from the chair, going to kneel beside the bed and peer into Kili's face, slapping him gently on the cheek. "Come back, then," he said. "There is a great deal of cake for you to eat. I certainly won't be able to finish it all by myself."

Kili lay silent and still, and Bilbo, after a moment more staring at the disconcerting emptiness on his face, rose again to his feet and stood by the bed, feeling quite unsure what to do with himself. He wished Fili were awake, so that he could at least have some company while he waited for Kili to come back. But Fili was burrowed deep into the blankets, lost in feverish sleep, and although Bilbo would have liked to wake him, he could not bring himself to do so. The more his friend slept, the faster he would recover, and Bilbo wished for him to recover very fast indeed.

The murmur of speech grew louder, then, and Bilbo heard what sounded like a number of hobbits approaching along the hall. They stopped before they reached the door to the dwarves' room, however, and Bilbo heard Holman's deep voice, though he could not make out the words, and then a chorus of goodbyes. The front door opened and closed before Bilbo could make his way out to make his farewells - although perhaps he was not moving to do this quite as fast as he could have done - and the hobbit hole fell silent. When Bilbo put his head around the door, even Holman seemed to have disappeared, and Bilbo found himself quite alone, with only two unconscious dwarves for company.

"Well," he said to himself, "at least I don't have to worry about how to make lunch for seven hobbits. Although I'm sure they will be quite put out that I didn't come and say goodbye." He could not bring himself to care about this, however, and instead made his way to the kitchen to make himself some tea, for in all the hurry and bustle of the morning he had not yet had the chance to eat or drink anything at all.

As the water was boiling, he heard the front door open and close again, and he hurried out into the hall to find Holman standing in the entranceway. He nodded at Bilbo.

"Begging your pardon, Mr. Bilbo," he said, "I wanted to make sure you were all right, but I didn't want to knock in case you'd fallen asleep."

"Fallen asleep?" Bilbo said. "But it is the middle of the day!"

"That it is," Holman said. "Only you do look so tired."

Bilbo sighed and leaned against the wall. "Thank you for doing that, Holman," he said. "It is not that I am not grateful, of course - I am very glad that they have such kind thoughts towards my guests. It is only-" He paused, not sure how to explain it without seeming rude.

"It is only that seven hobbits before breakfast is enough to tire anyone out," Holman said with a chuckle.

"Yes, that is it exactly," Bilbo said. "But how did you know I have not yet had breakfast?"

Holman raised his eyebrows. "You're still wearing your nightshirt," he pointed out.

Bilbo looked down at himself. He did look rather a fright, and he supposed that that would be all over Hobbiton before the day was out. Jessamine would no doubt even find a way to convey the news to the other side of the river - perhaps she had already set up some system of ropes and jars to carry gossip between her and her friends. Bilbo thought he could remember a time when he had been quite a respectable hobbit, but it was seeming more and more that those days were firmly in the past.

"Well, you don't need to worry, Mr. Bilbo," said Holman easily. "I've young Ham outside with instructions to tell any callers that you're indisposed, so you won't be bothered any more."

"Oh, that is very kind," Bilbo said. "But surely he has other things he must be getting on with? And it is hardly fair to make him sit outside in the rain."

"He can do some weeding while he's at it," Holman said. "Kill two birds, and all that. And the rain stopped half an hour ago."

Bilbo blinked at this and peered out of the little window by the front door. Indeed, it was the truth: the air still looked heavy and damp, but the rain had stopped, and there was even a bright spot in the clouds that suggested that the sun might be shining somewhere very far away.

"Well, I'll be," Bilbo murmured. Even though nothing at all had changed in his own difficult situation, and even though it had come entirely too late to prevent the unfortunate events of the night before, somehow the shift in the weather seemed to lighten his heart a little.

"About time, too," Holman said. "The river'll be passable by tomorrow, I should think. In the meantime, I will make you some breakfast."

"Oh, no, Holman, you certainly don't need to do that!" Bilbo cried.

"Beg to differ, Mr. Bilbo," Holman said. "You look like a stiff breeze could blow you down. Don't worry, you go and look after your dwarves, I know where the pantry is!"

And with that, he strode off in the direction of the kitchen. Bilbo stared after him. Despite his irritation earlier at the surfeit of hobbits in his living room, he nonetheless felt a great sense of gratitude at Holman's steady presence, the sound of his whistling as he rummaged in the pantry, the mere knowledge that there was someone nearby who was not depending on him for anything. He felt his earlier weakness and exhaustion abate a little, and it was with a much stouter heart that he returned to the guest room to keep watch over his injured friends.

* * *

Keeping watch, as it turned out, was not a particularly strenuous activity. Neither dwarf seemed inclined to do anything that required his attention, or even move from their positions in the bed, and after spending a little time worrying over Fili's breathing and clearing Kili's hair once more away from his mouth, he found himself with little to do. Eventually, he fetched himself a book from the living room and settled down in the uncomfortable chair. He found, though, that he was not able to concentrate on reading, for every few words he would get up to press the back of his hand against Fili's sweat-slick forehead or peer into Kili's blank eyes, and he found after half an hour that he had barely managed to progress more than a couple of sentences. Matters were not at all helped by the fact that Fili would occasionally suffer a minor coughing fit, which did not seem to be enough to wake him but was certainly enough to have Bilbo standing by the bedside helplessly, his hands raised and yet unable to do anything with them. Certainly, he thought, Fili could not be in any serious danger - he was a dwarf, after all, and they were indeed a hardy race - but nonetheless, it left him quite adrift to see his stalwart friend thus laid low, and he was almost glad that Kili was not present to witness it, although when that thought crossed his mind he scolded himself vigorously for it.

Finally, there came a knock at the door of the bedroom, and Holman's voice announcing himself on the other side. Bilbo rose quickly to his feet and went to answer it. Holman stood in the hall with a plate of bacon and eggs in one hand.

"I wasn't sure if you would want me to come in," he said. "With your dwarves in there and all."

"Oh," Bilbo said, "no, no, do come in. I am sure they would not mind." He opened the door wider, and Holman stepped into the room and busied himself dragging a little table over to Bilbo's chair and arranging the plate and cutlery on it. When he had finished this task, he straightened up, and at last glanced over at the bed. When he did so, a frown settled on his face.

"He is still staring," he said, and then looked suddenly embarrassed. "Begging your pardon, Mr. Bilbo. Only it is rather odd."

"There is no need to apologise," Bilbo said. "It is certainly odd. And his name is Kili."

"Kili," Holman repeated. "And the fair one is Fili, you said?"

"That's right," Bilbo said, watching as Holman stepped closer to the bed to get a better look at Fili.

"Queer names, these dwarves have," Holman said, and his frown deepened as he caught sight of Fili's flushed cheeks and the sweat that bathed his face. "He didn't seem so poorly last night."

"I'm afraid he has caught a fever from being in the river," Bilbo sighed.

Holman nodded, looking rather grim. "My aunt fell in the river, once," he said. "Brought her near to death's door, so it did. Coughing her lungs out, she was."

Bilbo felt his stomach lurch. "Well, that will certainly not happen to Fili!" he cried, his voice coming out rather higher in pitch than he had expected. "He is a dwarf, and dwarves are much hardier than hobbits, as a rule. Very hardy indeed."

"I'm sure you're right, Mr. Bilbo," Holman said, and then glanced at the window. "Well, I've to be going, but if you need anything, just tell young Ham and he'll run and fetch me."

"Of course," Bilbo said, though he felt rather disappointed that Holman would not stay. He followed his friend through to the hallway and watched him as he put his coat on. "Thank you for all your help," he said. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here."

Holman managed to look embarrassed and stout-hearted at the same time. "No trouble at all," he said. "After what your Mr. Kili did for little Esmeralda Took last night, it's the least I could do." he glanced again towards the guest room and frowned. "I hope you don't mind my asking, Mr. Bilbo, but - is he touched?"

"Touched?" Bilbo asked.

"Touched in the head," Holman said. "Only, I was thinking when I first saw him last week, and he seemed so odd, and then last night, and now- Well, it reminded me of old Marigold Bracegirdle over to Hardbottle. You know, she as is always singing and smiling and can't tie her own shoes even though she's sixty-five years old." He cast a hasty glance at Bilbo. "Meaning no offence, mind."

"None taken, I assure you," Bilbo said. He thought for a moment - about Marigold Bracegirdle, who was as blithe as a hobbitling, and about Kili, who lived in half-darkness even on the brightest of days. "No, no," he said. "Kili is - he is not touched. Not like Marigold."

"But there is something wrong with his mind," Holman said.

Bilbo opened his mouth to deny it, but found that he could not. After all, the dwarf in question was lying in a stupor only a few feet away from them, his mind having apparently entirely deserted his body. "Well, I do not like to think of it that way," he said finally. "But yes. Yes, I'm afraid his mind is not quite right."

"It is not normal for dwarves, then?" Holman asked. "The staring, I mean."

"No, no, not at all!" Bilbo said. "Dwarves are very robust, you know, both in body and in mind." He paused a moment, thinking of the gold sickness and how Thorin's eyes had glittered with madness. "Well, generally speaking," he amended.

"But your Mr. Kili, then," Holman said, and Bilbo sighed.

"Kili is - well, he is different," he said. "He has had some - unfortunate experiences and they have- Well, they have left a mark on him."

Holman contemplated this for a moment. "They must have been very unfortunate, to have marked him so deeply," he said at last.

"I'm afraid they were very unfortunate indeed," said Bilbo. "But you do not need to worry. He will come to himself eventually."

Holman nodded, looking rather sad. "Well, I hope it is sooner rather than later," he said, and clapped Bilbo on the shoulder before taking his leave.

After the door closed behind him, Bilbo stood staring at it for a moment or two.

"So do I, my friend," he murmured finally, and turned back towards the dwarves.

* * *

Perhaps an hour after Holman left there came once more a knock at the front door. Bilbo was rather surprised by this, for he had thought that Hamfast would follow Holman's instructions closely. He did not know the young hobbit very well, but he seemed like a good, steady lad, and not one to ignore what he was told. But when he opened the door, he found Hamfast looking rather sheepish and standing by the side of an elderly hobbit who carried a leather bag over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Bilbo," Hamfast said, "only I thought you might want to talk to Mistress Proudfoot."

"Oh, of course!" Bilbo said, for Iris Proudfoot, mother of eleven, grandmother of thirty-five and great-grandmother of seventeen and counting, was well-known for her skills in healing and knowledge of herbs. "Do come in, please."

Mistress Proudfoot stepped across the threshold and closed the door behind her, leaving Hamfast outside. "I had Holman Greenhand at my door not half an hour ago," she said in a rather disapproving tone. "He tells me you've a pair of sick dwarves on your hands."

"Yes, yes, indeed I do," Bilbo said, bowing a little, for Mistress Proudfoot had always made him feel rather as though he was a hobbitling who had just trampled across her flowerbeds. "Please, they're in here." And he led her to the dwarves' room and gestured towards the bed.

Mistress Proudfoot paused at the bedside and looked over the two dwarves, sucking her teeth and making a harrumphing noise. "I'm surprised at you, bringing dwarves into the Shire," she said, casting Bilbo a black look. "Now they are ill, and no wonder. It doesn't do to bring folk to places they don't belong."

Bilbo felt his annoyance at being blamed for what had happened warring with his rather robust terror of the elderly wisewoman. "Well, I hardly think that they are ill simply because they are in the Shire," he ventured, rather timidly.

Mistress Proudfoot glared, and Bilbo quailed despite himself. Then she reached over and pressed her hand to Fili's forehead, and then two fingers to his neck. Fili responded to this with a slurred mumble and a quiet cough, and Mistress Proudfoot tutted.

"I have no experience with dwarves," she said. "How hot are they supposed to be?"

"Kili is not ill, or at least, he has no fever," Bilbo said. "The dark one, I mean. You might compare the two."

Mistress Proudfoot grunted and touched her fingers to Kili's neck. Then she shook her head.

"This one has an infection of the chest," she said, gesturing at Fili. "I can make him something to ease the cough and perhaps bring his fever down, but not with what I have with me now. This one," and now she turned her attention to Kili, "is in danger of death if his heart slows down any more."

"Death!" Bilbo cried. "Surely you are mistaken? He is only afflicted in the mind."

"Do you think that an affliction of the mind cannot kill a person, Bilbo Baggins?" Mistress Proudfoot said, turning the full force of her gaze on him so that Bilbo felt rather faint. "I assure you, you are mistaken." And she reached down and tried to disentangle Kili from Fili's embrace, apparently attempting to turn him onto his back. Fili, however, would not be moved, and finally Mistress Proudfoot took to trying to peel his arm away from his brother's chest and slip Kili out from underneath. At this, Fili shifted suddenly, and in an instant he was sitting up, his fists wrapped in the front of Mistress Proudfoot's coat and his face inches from hers, eyes wide and blazing.

"Do not touch my brother," he growled.

"Master Fili!" Bilbo gasped, but Mistress Proudfoot seemed not in the least daunted.

"Lie down, boy," she said. "Your brother is ill, and I need to examine him."

"You cannot take him," Fili said. He looked rather dazed, and his face was pale, beads of sweat standing out on his brow. "I will not let you."

Bilbo jumped forward at this, patting Fili gently on the arm.

"Mistress Proudfoot is a healer," he said. "Come now, master dwarf, she will not take your brother away, I promise."

Fili blinked at him and frowned. "Mr. Baggins?" he said, and then suddenly doubled over, loosing his grasp on Mistress Proudfoot as he was assaulted by a violent coughing fit. Bilbo reached out to soothe him, only to find that Mistress Proudfoot was already rubbing a hand between his shoulderblades and thumping gently from time to time.

"Water, Bilbo Baggins," she said, and Bilbo scurried from the room as fast as his little hobbit legs could carry him.

When he returned with a large jug of water and a glass, Fili's coughing had ceased, and he was lying down again, eyes half-open and bleary, while Mistress Proudfoot regarded him with a hard gaze. She took the glass of water from Bilbo and helped Fili to drink, then nodded and pressed him back into the pillows.

"Go to sleep and stop this foolishness of worrying so about your brother," she said. "It is not doing either of you any good."

Fili did not answer, but he did not lunge again at Mistress Proudfoot, though he fixed his glazed eyes upon her and never once looked away while she poked and prodded at Kili. At last, she straightened up.

"His breathing is too shallow and his heart beats too slowly," she announced. "Other than that, I can find no injury."

"I have told you, it is his mind," Bilbo said.

"I am no healer of the mind, Bilbo Baggins," Mistress Proudfoot said. "Not of hobbits, and certainly not of dwarves. Minds are full of foolish notions and cannot be rightly understood by any but their owners. In short, they are ridiculous."

"Well, I didn't ask you to heal his mind," Bilbo muttered, and then wished he hadn't, for of course it led to another disapproving stare. "But thank you for the advice!" he squeaked. "I will be sure and pay careful attention to his heartbeat." Though what he could do if it began to slow further, he had not the slightest notion, and the idea that in fact Kili might simply drift silently away into death without him being able to do a single thing to prevent it left him feeling as though he had swallowed a stone. He did not know whether Kili's heart had been so slow on the previous occasions when he had slipped into a stupor, but he thought perhaps it had been so, and that thought was all that kept him from flying into a panic, for Kili had survived then, and so surely, surely he would survive now.

"You must make sure they eat," Mistress Proudfoot said. "Both of them. It will do them no good trying to heal themselves on an empty stomach. Broth, nothing more difficult than that. The mad one you can feed if you rub his throat. That will make him swallow."

"Yes, yes, of course," Bilbo said, ignoring the twinge of anger he felt at the description of Kili. "I will make them something immediately."

Mistress Proudfoot nodded. "I will come back when I have made the medicine for the other one," she said. "Mind, if that Gamgee boy interrogates me again, I will have him over my knee."

"I'll make sure he knows," Bilbo said. "Can I get you anything for your trouble? A cup of tea?"

Mistress Proudfoot shook her head, and Bilbo managed to disguise his sigh of relief as a cough. "Some of us do not have the leisure to sit around idly drinking tea," she said. "I will return this afternoon." And she swept from the room, leaving Bilbo to hurry after her so as to see her to the door.

When he returned, Fili had curled himself once more around his brother, but his eyes were still open, watching the door warily. Bilbo paused at the side of the bed and smiled at him.

"We should introduce her to your uncle," he said. "I'm sure they would get along famously."

Fili mumbled something that Bilbo could not understand and pressed his face into his brother's neck, his eyes sliding closed. Bilbo sighed and reached over to pat his arm.

"Well, at least she can do something for one of you," he said.

* * *

For the rest of the morning, Bilbo occupied himself making broth for the dwarves (and, of course, second breakfast for himself) and occasionally marvelling at the continued growth of the pile of presents in the hall, as Hamfast brought in those left with him by callers he had turned away. It was not until Bilbo was bringing a bowl of the broth from the kitchen to the dwarves' room, though, that he actually spoke to the young hobbit again. Hamfast was in the process of balancing a box of apples on top of the already rather unstable pile, and Bilbo paused to observe.

"You must have some of this for your lunch, Hamfast," he said. "And take some with you when you go, as well."

"Oh, I couldn't possibly, Mr. Bilbo," Hamfast said, raising his hands palms outwards. "These are all presents for your dwarves, for what they did for little Esme."

"Well, yes," Bilbo said, "but my dwarves are not really in a position to be eating such rich food at present, and it would be a shame to see it all spoil. And you have been so helpful to us this morning, I am sure they would want to give you something if they were awake."

"Oh, well," Hamfast said, blushing a little. "I suppose I could take something, then. I do love Miss Jessamine's lamb stew."

Perhaps it was famous, after all, Bilbo mused. "Then you shall have it," he said. "Take it home to your mother and - how many brothers and sisters do you have now?"

"Three," Hamfast said.

"Good gracious, well, certainly your mother will be glad of something to feed them!" Bilbo said. "Four hobbits under twenty years of age is enough to eat anybody out of house and home!"

Hamfast smiled shyly at this, and then looked a little nervous.

"Mr. Bilbo," he said, "folk keep asking me what he likes. The one as saved Esme, I mean, although they sometimes ask about the other one, too. And I keep having to tell them I don't rightly know."

"Well, first of all," Bilbo said, for he was growing rather tired of the way hobbits kept referring to the dwarves, "the one who saved Esmeralda is named Kili, and his brother is Fili. As for what they like-" He paused, staring at the stack of food. "Well," he decided, "Fili likes good pipeweed and strong ale. And Kili likes pictures, and music, and more or less anything edible, although he is particularly fond of honey."

"Kili is the dark one?" Hamfast asked, looking like he was working to keep all of this information straight in his head.

"Indeed he is," Bilbo said. "But do not feel you have to stay here all day, my boy. I am quite capable of fending off any visitors who might call in the afternoon."

"Oh, no, Mr. Bilbo," Hamfast said earnestly. "Mr. Holman told me to stay, and stay I will. And after all, it is turning into a lovely day to be outside."

"Well, you're a good lad," Bilbo said, and Hamfast smiled and gave him a half-bow, then made his way back to his post outside. Bilbo, for his part, continued on to the bedroom and set the bowl of broth down carefully on the little table beside the bed, before quickly pressing his fingers to Kili's throat. His heartbeat was still slow, but strong and steady, and Bilbo nodded to himself and tried not to worry.

"Now then, master dwarf," he said to Fili, shaking him by the shoulder. "It is time for you to wake up and eat something, before you fade away entirely."

Fili mumbled something and tightened his arm around his brother's chest. Bilbo sighed and shook him a little harder.

"Wake up," he said again, doing his best to imitate Thorin's commanding tone. It seemed he was at least partially successful, for Fili groaned and opened his eyes, peering up at Bilbo in apparent confusion.

"Where's Kili?" he asked, sounding rather slurred. Bilbo raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"He is right in front of you, master dwarf," he said. "You are holding onto him."

Fili's eyes slid to his brother, and he frowned. "Then why are you waking me?" he asked. "It is too cold to wake up."

A twinge of worry prickled along Bilbo's spine at the young dwarf's incoherence. "It is not cold at all," he said. "But come, sit up and eat. You must keep your strength up."

He tugged on Fili's shoulders, and Fili managed to disentangle himself from his blankets and his brother and struggle into a sitting position. He blinked at Bilbo, and Bilbo held up the bowl of broth.

"Can you feed yourself, or shall I do it for you?" he asked.

Fili looked rather offended. "Of course I can feed myself," he said, and reached out his hand for the bowl. But when Bilbo gave it to him, he almost dropped it, and he was forced to clutch it to his chest to prevent himself from spilling it all down his front. Bilbo opened his mouth to insist that he give it back, but Fili gave him a mutinous glare and took the spoon with a shaking hand, and Bilbo decided to let him have his way, though he watched him narrowly. Fili, however, succeeded in eating most of the broth and spilled only a little, though his hand shook quite considerably at times and he seemed to need all his concentration to complete the task. When, at last, the bowl was empty, Bilbo took it from him and nodded.

"Good lad," he said. "Now I will fetch some more for your brother. Will you get him sitting up for me?"

Fili nodded, though he seemed rather exhausted by the effort of eating, and Bilbo hurried back to the kitchen.

When he returned, he found that Fili had indeed succeeded in sitting Kili up, but that was not all he had done. Bilbo stopped in the doorway in some surprise, for Fili had apparently combed Kili's hair and was now in the process of weaving part of it into a slender braid. Kili, of course, made no protest at this, but simply stared at nothing, and yet Bilbo found himself made quite uneasy, for it was not the first time Fili had put braids into his brother's hair. It was, however, only the second time, for Kili's reaction those many months ago, not long after the Battle of the Four Armies, had been to withdraw greatly, and to be always nervous and agitated, and it had taken them days to understand that it was the braids that were causing his misery. Since then, the most complex thing that had been done to Kili's hair had been its tying back with the silver clasp Dis had given him - and even this he had removed less than an hour after leaving Erebor, keeping it carefully with his treasured possessions, but never again putting it in his hair. So it was with mounting confusion that Bilbo watched as Fili completed the braid and then crawled around to the other side of his brother to begin another.

"Master Fili," Bilbo said carefully, setting his bowl of broth down, "what are you doing?"

"I should think that is obvious," Fili said. "He should have braids, do you not think? It is not right, that he should look like - like -" He seemed at a loss to describe what Kili looked like, and merely waved a hand vaguely. To Bilbo's astonishment, he saw that his young friend looked close to tears.

"Oh, my dear Fili," Bilbo said. "You are not at all well."

Fili ignored this, completing the second braid and tying it so that it would not come loose. He smiled a strained smile and patted his brother's cheek. "He looks well, does he not?"

In fact, Kili did not look well at all, although most of that impression came from his slack features and staring eyes. Bilbo shook his head. "He looks very dwarvish, certainly," he said. "But - but do you not think the braids will trouble him? He does not like them, after all."

Fili shrugged. "That can hardly matter when he is not even here, can it?" he said, and there was a bitter edge to his voice.

Bilbo frowned at him. "But we do not know that he is not aware," he said, for although he was very doubtful that Kili could hear or see anything that was happening around him, he had always thought that Fili believed he could. "You would not want to make him unhappy when he cannot even protest, would you?"

Fili gave him a strange look, and then stared at his brother, his mouth turning sharply down at the corners. "Let him be unhappy," he said. "Maybe that will make him come back so that he can tell me how cruel I am."

Bilbo found himself speechless at this, but Fili did not seem to care if he spoke or if he did not: already he had turned his attention away, and was leaning over Kili to fumble at the items on the bedside table, so that Bilbo had to snatch up the bowl of broth before it became upended. He hurried across the room and placed it safely on the broad windowsill, then returned to find Fili frowning, having swept everything on the table to the floor.

"It is not here," he muttered. "Where is it?"

"Master dwarf, you must try to calm down," Bilbo said, trying to push Fili back onto the bed. But Fili would not be deterred, crawling over his brother now and half-falling onto the floor, where he proceeded to rummage through the things he had knocked from the table.

"He has lost it," he said. "He has lost it, or thrown it away. And I have let him!"

Bilbo dropped into a crouch and took Fili by the shoulders. "What is it, Fili?" he asked. "What is it you have lost?"

Fili stared at him, his sweat-soaked hair sticking to his pale face. "The clasp," he said. "It was our great-grandfather's, and I have allowed him to lose it."

"Oh, that is nonsense!" Bilbo said. "You know as well as I do that it is with all his other things." And he stood and went to the little chest of drawers in the corner. Kili kept his treasures in the second drawer from the top, and Bilbo opened it and ran his eye over the contents. Since the pictures were all up on the walls, and Kili had not brought his golden harp for fear that it might be damaged in the long journey, the collection was rather diminished: it consisted of the wooden flute Bofur had made for Kili, the mouth-harp, the gold coin from Erebor that Bilbo had given Kili on their first day in the mountain, and a number of other small items, all of them presents from one dwarf or another - and with them, of course, the silver clasp. With them too, Bilbo saw in some surprise, was a short length of daisy chain, now entirely withered, and he touched it with his fingertip and thought that, once they were all back to their old selves, he would ask Esmeralda to make a new one for Kili and press it between the pages of a book, so that he might keep it for as long as he wanted. But there was not time for much in the way of such thoughts, for Fili was staggering to his feet, and who knew what damage he might do this time? And so Bilbo took the clasp and turned, pressing it into Fili's hand and patting him on the arm.

"There!" he said. "There is your great-grandfather's treasure. Now back to bed with you, before I call Mistress Proudfoot back to give you a hiding!"

Fili stared blearily at him for a moment, and then his fingers closed around the clasp. "Oh," he said. "I am glad you have found it. I thought he had lost it."

"I know," Bilbo said, smiling and pushing Fili gently in the direction of the bed. "But he did not. He knows how important it is, and he takes very good care of it."

Fili nodded and seemed to remember why he had wanted the clasp in the first place, crawling back onto the bed and fixing it carefully into his brother's hair, so that it swept back the frontmost parts and kept the whole from falling over his face even more effectively than did the braids. "There," he murmured. "You look much better."

"Well, if you are happy with that," Bilbo said, feeling rather relieved that Fili seemed to have calmed down somewhat, "it is time for your brother to have breakfast." He took the bowl of broth from the windowsill and approached the bed once more. "Will you help me with him?"

"I will always help you with him, Mr. Baggins," said Fili with great solemnity, and Bilbo smiled.

* * *

It took a number of attempts for Bilbo and Fili to find a way to feed Kili without choking him or losing most of the broth down his front. Finally, though, they found themselves in a rhythm: Bilbo would spoon broth into his mouth and then hold it shut and tip his head back, and Fili would gently rub his throat with his fingertips until Kili swallowed. It was unpleasantly similar to Bilbo's memories of the elves force-feeding Kili in the dungeons under Mirkwood, and he was glad indeed when at last the broth was gone. He took the bowl back to the kitchen and collected a cloth to clean up the parts of Kili's breakfast that had ended up on his chest and the blankets. By the time he returned to the bedroom, Fili had fallen asleep sitting up, half-slumped on his brother.

"Now, then, my lad," Bilbo said when he had finished his cleaning. "Wake up for a moment. You must lie down."

Fili opened one eye, looking rather irritable.

"Lie down," Bilbo said again. "I insist."

At this, Fili opened both eyes and turned to his brother, manhandling him into lying down and curling around him with surprising alacrity. His eyes were closed almost before he had finished positioning himself, and Bilbo could not help but smile as he rearranged the blankets and counterpane and once more swept the hair away from Kili's neck so that it would not choke his brother.

"I had not the first idea that dwarves were so affectionate when they are ill," he said to Fili. "Why, one might almost mistake you for a hobbitling!"

Fili did not answer, for he was deeply asleep. Bilbo chuckled a little despite himself, and, having assured himself that Kili's heartbeat had not slowed further, he returned to the kitchen to wash the dishes.

* * *

The next hour passed rather drearily for Bilbo, for he found himself once more unable to concentrate on any sustained activity. In fact, he was more agitated even than before, for Mistress Proudfoot's words concerning Kili's heartbeat troubled him deeply. Fili, at least, was audibly still alive, his breath wheezing quietly in his chest as he slept; Kili, though, lay silent and still, and every glimpse of his half-open, staring eyes had Bilbo convinced he had slipped into death while his back was turned, until he found himself going over to the bed to press his fingers against the little dwarf's neck a dozen times in half an hour. Each time, Kili's heart was beating slowly but steadily, and each time Bilbo retired to his chair and took up his book, only to set it down again before five minutes had passed and hurry once more to assure himself that his friend still lived.

It was while Bilbo was standing thus with his fingers pressed against the juncture of Kili's jaw and neck when the slow, steady pulse of Kili's blood against his fingertips suddenly faltered. Bilbo's stomach lurched in fear, but he had not time to become properly afraid before he felt Kili's heartbeat speed up and begin to thump erratically, and a moment later Kili's body gave a violent jerk, knocking Bilbo's hand away so that it cracked rather painfully against the bedside table. Bilbo let out a squeak that was much more high-pitched than he had expected it to be, and then Kili jerked again and began shaking violently, his limbs spasming and writhing as if they were trying to escape from the rest of him.

"Kili!" Bilbo cried, and lunged forward to try and catch the little dwarf before he fell off the bed, which, if he had succeeded, would surely have had no result other than Bilbo and Kili in a tangled heap on the floor. But Fili was there before him, half-crawling on top of his brother and pinning him under his weight, pressing him face-down into the mattress and stroking his hair.

"Shhh," Fili mumbled, and Bilbo saw to his astonishment that, although his eyes were half open, there was no awareness in them and in fact he seemed to still be at least mostly asleep. "No, brother. No, shh, don't worry."

Kili still shook and shivered, though he was in much less danger of doing damage to himself or anyone else now that Fili had him trapped, and Bilbo dropped to his knees and peered into his face. Kili's eyes were wide-open now, rolling wildly in his head, and his features were set in an expression of grim terror. Bilbo reached forward and clasped Kili's face between his palms, cocking his head somewhat to one side so that it was easier to look him in the eyes.

"Look at me," he said. "Look at me, my lad. That's it, you're all right. You are safe here. You are perfectly safe."

Kili's eyes slid to meet his gaze, and Bilbo smiled and nodded, but a moment later Kili's body gave a particularly violent twitch and his eyes rolled back into his head once more. "Come now, come now, look at me," Bilbo said, and Fili mumbled something that seemed to be utter nonsense but nonetheless had a tone to it that was deep and soothing. Kili's eyes continued to roll, but every now and then they came back to meet Bilbo's, and Bilbo saw fear in them, but he saw recognition, too. "Look at me, look at me, you are perfectly safe," he repeated, again and again, and Fili kept up his shushing and his slow, steady stroking of his brother's hair, though he still did not seem to be truly awake. And little by little, Kili's twitching and spasming subsided, until he was merely shivering as though he had been caught out in the rain. His eyes, too, came back to Bilbo's more and more often, until at last he seemed able to hold his gaze steady for the most part.

"There," Bilbo said. "Are you awake? Do you know who I am?"

Kili swallowed and closed his eyes a moment, but then he opened them and stared intently at Bilbo, reaching out one shaking hand to clutch tightly at his sleeve. Bilbo smiled in relief, and, without thinking, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Kili's.

"I am glad to see you back, my lad," he said. "I am so very glad to see you back."


	10. Chapter 10

Bilbo's first thought on recovering from his overwhelming relief at the return of Kili's awareness was that the poor little dwarf must be awfully thirsty. And so, of course, being a kind little hobbit as he was and also being of the opinion that a nice hot cup of tea could solve most of the ills of the world, an opinion to which he held stubbornly despite all the evidence to the contrary that he had been witness to in the last year, he leapt to his feet, patted Kili on the arm, and hurried to the kitchen to set the water to boil once more. When he returned, however, he found that Kili's eyes had begun to drift around the room, and he hastily set the tea down and sat down with a bump, seizing Kili's face in both hands and rather cursing himself for being so thoughtless as to leave him alone so soon after his shaking fit.

"Now, none of that," he said, but kindly, smiling as best he could. "Keep your eyes on me, master dwarf." He cocked his head on one side again, so that it was easier for Kili to look him in the eye. Fili, it seemed, had fallen back into deep sleep, sprawled still on top of his brother and pinning him to the bed.

Kili's gaze wandered back to Bilbo, and Bilbo nodded encouragingly. "That's right," he said. "Look at me. Are you all right?"

Kili blinked slowly, but did not seem inclined to reply to this. Bilbo was not perhaps as troubled by this as he might have been - after all, he had grown used to Kili's tendency to fall silent after any major upset, and although it still unsettled him, his experience told him that it was not a permanent state.

"Well," he said, "you are being quiet. Would you like some tea?"

He held up the cup, and Kili's eyes drifted over to it, and then back to Bilbo. He seemed to swallow painfully, but before Bilbo could react to this, he blinked again, and his gaze seemed to sharpen. Bilbo smiled, encouraged by this, but his relief was short-lived. For Kili grimaced, and his eyes went from drifting to darting, moving so fast it almost seemed that they had begun rolling again. Bilbo frowned and set down the tea, taking hold of Kili's face once more.

"Now, what is the matter?" he asked. "Can you look at me? Come now, my lad, look at me."

But Kili did not look, instead continually glancing anywhere but at Bilbo. He made a strange half-movement, as if he was trying to crawl out from under his brother, and Bilbo suddenly realised that Fili was most probably rather heavy.

"Oh!" he said, and jumped to his feet, shaking Fili by the shoulder and, when that brought no reaction, shoving him as hard as he could. "Master Fili, wake up! You are squashing your brother!"

Fili half-opened his eyes, though they were glazed and did not seem to focus on Bilbo. He said something which contained no words that Bilbo recognised, but had a questioning tone, and Bilbo shoved at him again. Whether Fili understood what was happening or was merely responding to Bilbo's touch, he rolled off Kili and gathered him once again into his arms, turning him on his side and curling around him. Bilbo sighed in relief, for of course he had not the strength to move a full-grown dwarf by himself, and sat back down on the floor, smiling at Kili.

"There," he said. "Is that better?"

Kili did not reply to this, but his demeanour did not seem to suggest that he was very much happier than he had been. He glanced continually around the room, focussing particularly on the corners and the window, but also straining his head forward as if he was trying to see his own feet. He was shaking still, but his whole body seemed rigid with tension, and Bilbo saw with consternation that he was twisting his hands so tightly into the blankets that it looked like it must be rather painful.

"What is the matter?" Bilbo asked in some alarm. Kili, of course, made no response, but it was then that Bilbo remembered the thing that he ought to have remembered all along - although he had had such a trying time of it of late that he can probably be forgiven - which was, of course, that Kili did not like to lie down, and that he certainly did not like to be out of view of the door, which was hidden from him now by the headboard of the bed.

"Oh!" Bilbo said then, leaping again to his feet. "I am sorry, my lad." And he leaned over and shook Fili vigorously by the shoulder. "Master Fili," he said, "you must let your brother go."

This made no impact at all on Fili, who merely slept on as if nothing was happening around him. Bilbo, who felt rather guilty about Kili's increasing agitation, since it was he who had suggested that the little dwarf should be made to lie down in the first place, tugged on Fili's arm, trying to loosen it from around his brother's chest. At first, this had the opposite effect from the one he desired: Fili grumbled in his sleep and tightened his grip on Kili, and Kili, whose shaking was now increasing in violence, let out a grunt as though the wind was being crushed out of him. Bilbo slapped at Fili's arm in frustration, and then heaved on it again. This, of course, was just what Mistress Proudfoot had done earlier in the day, and it had a similar result: Fili raised his other arm and shoved Bilbo hard in the chest, causing him to stagger a few steps back and knock over Kili's tea.

"Now, that was quite uncalled for!" Bilbo said crossly, hopping back so that the spreading puddle of tea would not scald his toes. "You are being very unreasonable!"

Fili, still asleep, did not seem to care whether he was being reasonable or not, and Bilbo, quite exasperated now, stepped over the puddle of tea and gripped Fili's arm tightly, pulling on it with all his strength.

This had a remarkable effect on Fili: he sat up sharply and lunged at Bilbo, and although this was rather terrifying for the poor little hobbit - for after all, even friendly dwarves are still dwarves, and can easily outmatch a hobbit in a contest of strength, though perhaps not one of wits - it had the effect of freeing Kili. The little dwarf immediately slid out of his brother's grasp and scrambled backwards across the bed, pressing himself into the pillow-stuffed corner where he usually slept. He was shaking still, and making odd jerking motions with his head, and he crouched rather than sitting, glancing from Fili to the door and back, as if he was ready to escape at a moment's notice.

Fili froze in mid-lunge, the fingers of one hand already half-curled around Bilbo's arm, but his attention now focussed entirely on his brother. "Oh," he said. "You are awake."

Kili glanced at him, his head dropping onto his chest and twitching sharply. Bilbo carefully unpeeled Fili's fingers from his arm and then patted his hand.

"Yes," he said. "He is awake, and not too badly off, I think." This was perhaps overly optimistic, for Kili still looked quite unhappy, but Fili was still ill and Bilbo did not wish to worry him. "He did not want to lie down."

"No," Fili said. He frowned at his brother for a moment, and then pulled away from Bilbo, leaning towards Kili and putting a hand on the side of his neck and then on his shoulder, as if reassuring himself that he was really there. Kili flinched violently and pressed himself back further into the corner, and Fili pulled his hand back and looked quite upset.

"Now, then," Bilbo said hastily, "he has only just woken up, you know, and he is still rather confused. You must not expect too much of him."

Fili glanced at him, and Bilbo patted his shoulder.

"And you are still ill, my lad," he said. "Why do you not lie down and sleep a little more? By the time you wake, Kili will be back to his old self."

Of course, Fili knew as well as Bilbo that this would most probably not be the case - on previous occasions, Kili's disquiet had lasted for many hours after awakening from his stupor. And so it was a mark of how tired and unwell Fili must have felt that he nodded slowly and lay back down, one hand creeping out towards his brother but stopping short of actually touching him. Bilbo smiled and patted him again, and Fili's eyes closed, although he still wore a troubled frown on his face. Bilbo waited until his breathing had become deep and even, and then climbed carefully over him and sat down in front of Kili. The bed, which had been made for hobbits and had been rather stretched by its burden of two dense-boned dwarves for the past nights, creaked rather alarmingly, but did not break, and Bilbo smiled at his little dwarf friend.

"Well," he said, "and do you feel better now?"

Kili's head twitched. He seemed to be paying little attention to Bilbo, instead keeping his eyes for the most part on the door, with the occasional glance at Fili. But he was continually dropping his head onto his chest and jerking it back up, and Bilbo frowned, for the strange movements were familiar, though he could not quite place them. It was not until Kili shook his head violently that the memory surfaced in Bilbo's mind, and then he cursed himself for a forgetful hobbit, for it had been only a few hours before that Fili had woven braids into Kili's hair and pulled it back from his face, and yet somehow the fact that Kili was quite averse to such treatment had completely slipped Bilbo's mind.

"Oh!" he cried, and reached forward hastily to remove the clasp from Kili's hair. But this motion had Kili's full attention on him, and the little dwarf ducked sharply and pressed himself against the wall. Bilbo froze, then turned his hands so that the empty palms were towards Kili.

"It is only me," he said, slowly and clearly. "It is only your friend the hobbit. I am going to help you with your hair."

Kili stared at him, and after a moment, Bilbo leaned slowly and cautiously forward until he could reach the clasp at the back of Kili's head. He undid it, taking care not to pull on Kili's hair, and then leaned back again, showing Kili the clasp in his hand.

"You see?" he said. "I am only trying to help you."

Kili glanced at the clasp, then shook his head again, but of course his hair was still prevented from falling freely by the braids on each side of his head. Bilbo set the clasp down on the bed and reached slowly for the first of these, untying the fastening at the end and then setting to work unweaving it. Kili was still shaking, and it was difficult to proceed without accidentally pulling on his hair a number of times, but he seemed altogether less distressed than he had only a few moments before, and he sat quietly and allowed Bilbo to free him from his unwanted adornments. After a minute or two, both braids were loose, and Bilbo combed his fingers through Kili's hair and sat back.

"There," he said. "Is that better?"

Kili immediately shook his head again, then dropped his chin onto his chest. His hair fell forward across his face, hiding much of it from view, and Bilbo suppressed a sigh.

"I suppose your brother would not consider that an improvement," he said. "But at least you are less unhappy."

Kili regarded him for a moment from beneath his hair, then went back to watching the door, though he still glanced from time to time at his brother, as if not entirely trusting him not to suddenly wake and try to pin him to the bed again.

"He is not well," Bilbo said. Kili ignored him, and Bilbo tugged on his arm until he glanced over, and then pointed at Fili. "Your brother is not well," he said. "That is why you were lying down. It made him feel better to know where you were."

For a moment or two, Kili stared at Fili with a frown on his face. Then he looked back at the door.

"There are no orcs," Bilbo said. "You do not need to worry."

But Kili still kept his attention on the door, and in fact Bilbo rather believed he could tell Kili there were no orcs until they both died of old age, and it would matter not at all. He sighed and patted Kili's knee, then crawled carefully over Fili and off the bed, avoiding the puddle of tea on the floor.

"I suppose I should clean this up," he said. "And make you a new cup. You must be very thirsty."

Kili did not answer, and Bilbo went to find the mop.

* * *

Kili's shaking did not disappear over the next little while, but it did subside somewhat, and he went from crouching on the bed to sitting on it. He even accepted a cup of tea from Bilbo, although Bilbo had to hastily take it back and swallow a third of its contents when it became clear that Kili's shaking would spill it all over the sheets otherwise. He did not speak, however, and although some of the tension seemed to leave him, nonetheless he kept a close eye on both the door and his brother. Bilbo chattered away to him as cheerfully as he could, and took to taking his pictures from the walls one by one and bringing them over to him so that he could touch them, talking about each one as he did so. But Kili, although he brushed his fingertips lightly over the faces in each picture that Bilbo laid in his lap, seemed not to be able to concentrate his full attention on these, instead glancing continually up and around the room, as if afraid that some threat might have appeared in the brief moment he had been looking away. Nonetheless, when Fili stretched out in his sleep and wrapped his hand around Kili's ankle, he did not flinch or try to pull away, and Bilbo decided that all in all, things were a great deal better than they might have been.

As the morning turned into afternoon, Fili seemed to improve somewhat. He still slept, but his breathing sounded less painful, and he coughed less often. And so it was a much less worried hobbit who went to answer the door when the bell sounded, and this was fortunate indeed, for Mistress Proudfoot stood on the other side, and she was a difficult hobbit to deal with even when one was feeling quite cheerful.

"I have brought the medicine for your dwarf," she announced, sweeping past Bilbo before he could manage to utter a greeting. "I trust you have fed him as I instructed?"

"Yes, of course," Bilbo said, trotting behind her. "I have fed them both."

"Both?" Mistress Proudfoot said, and then stopped in the doorway to the guest room, so that Bilbo ran into her and became once more the recipient of an unimpressed stare.

"I see the other one has woken up," Mistress Proudfoot said, stepping into the room and eyeing Kili with a rather disapproving expression. Kili, for his part, sat hunched and silent in the corner, his head bowed and his face almost invisible beneath his hair, though of course Bilbo was sure that he was watching Mistress Proudfoot closely.

"Yes, about an hour ago," Bilbo said. "I wonder if you would mind not staring at him? It does make him rather anxious."

Mistress Proudfoot gave him an incredulous look at this, and then turned to stare even harder at Kili. "Anxious, is it, boy?" she said. "What are you so anxious about? You can hardly be afraid of a wizened old hobbit."

Kili did not even twitch at being addressed in this way, although he was still shaking a little. Mistress Proudfoot frowned at him. "Is this how dwarves respect their elders?" she asked. "By ignoring them? Or have you not a tongue in your head?"

"Mistress Proudfoot, please," Bilbo said, trying to sound as respectful as possible. "He just does not like to speak at the moment. But it is not him you came to see."

Mistress Proudfoot glared at him, and then turned to Fili. "Indeed it was not," she said heavily. "I have no interest in wasting my time on mad dwarves." She tested Fili's temperature and his heartbeat, pressed her fingers under his jaw and peered into his mouth. Then she nodded, apparently in approval.

"This one is a fast healer," she said, and rummaged in her leather satchel for a moment before producing a glass bottle filled with thick black liquid. "A cup, young Baggins," she said, and Bilbo hurried off to the kitchen. By the time he returned, Mistress Proudfoot had Fili sitting up and at least partially awake, if not entirely aware. She took the cup from him without comment and uncorked her bottle, pouring a quantity of the black liquid into it. The potion, whatever it was, smelled utterly noxious, and Bilbo had to restrain himself from holding his nose.

"Now then," Mistress Proudfoot said, leaning forwards to press the cup to Fili's lips. But she was prevented from completing this action from a rather surprising quarter, for all of a sudden Kili reached out and pushed the cup away.

Bilbo stared at the little dwarf in astonishment, and Mistress Proudfoot seemed not much less perplexed, although she quickly recovered her accustomed stern demeanour.

"What do you mean by that, boy?" she said. "Do not interfere." And she tried again to put the cup to Fili's lips. But Kili intervened once more, and this time he not only pushed the cup away but put his hand over Fili's mouth. Fili, seemingly only half conscious, blinked dully at his brother, but did not reach to pull the hand away. Mistress Proudfoot, however, grew stony-faced indeed, and drew herself up to her full height of three foot two.

"Insolence indeed!" she said. "Bilbo Baggins, your dwarves are both quite ill-mannered. I should like to speak to their mother!"

Bilbo tried to imagine a clash between serious, strong-willed Dis, princess of Erebor, and Mistress Proudfoot of Hobbiton. He felt sure that such an encounter would lay waste to at least as large an area as Smaug the Dragon had destroyed those many years ago, and he did his best not to shudder. Mistress Proudfoot, meanwhile, leaned forward and took hold of Kili's hand, attempting to pry it from his brother's mouth. At this, Kili growled, low in his throat, and although the sound was a soft one, there was menace in it that set the hairs on the back of Bilbo's neck on end. Never had he heard such a noise from Kili, and he stared at him in some astonishment.

"_Master_ Kili!" he cried. "What are you about?"

Kili did not look at him, all his attention on Mistress Proudfoot, who now stood back with a grim look on her face, but perhaps even a little taken aback, for even with all the long years she had lived she had certainly never heard anything that held quite such dark promise. Bilbo turned sharply towards her.

"I am so terribly sorry," he said. "He has had quite a shock, and he is not himself. If you will just give me a moment to speak with him."

Mistress Proudfoot glared at him. "You would do better to keep him out of the sickroom," she said. "Perhaps a room with a lock on the door would be more suitable for someone of his character."

Bilbo carefully ignored this and turned to Kili, holding up his hands to show that they were empty.

"Now, my dear lad," he said, "You have misunderstood. Mistress Proudfoot is trying to help your brother. She is a friend."

Kili stared at him from under his hair, but he did not remove his hand from Fili's mouth. Bilbo sighed and turned to Mistress Proudfoot.

"If I should drink some of that - concoction," he said, waving his hand at the cup, "would it do me any harm?"

"It would do great violence to your tastebuds," Mistress Proudfoot said, "but not to your wellbeing."

Bilbo nodded, and took the cup. He showed it to Kili, trying not to wrinkle his nose too much at the dreadful odour. Then he took a gulp, and immediately rather wished he had restricted himself to a sip. He swallowed convulsively and pressed his lips tightly together, breathing through his nose and attempting to appear as cheerful as possible, though he was not particularly successful at this. Finally, when he was sure he would not groan, he opened his mouth, coughed once, and smiled.

"There, you see?" he said, rather hoarsely. "It is not anything to be frightened of."

Kili, whose eyes had grown wide as soon as Bilbo lifted the cup to his lips, looked from him to Mistress Proudfoot and back. Bilbo smiled and nodded at him, then reached out and placed his hand over Kili's where it rested on Fili's mouth.

"It is all right, my lad," he said. "Nobody wants to harm your brother."

He took hold of Kili's hand and tugged gently, and Kili allowed him to pull it away, though he still watched Mistress Proudfoot narrowly. She made a harrumphing noise and took the cup from Bilbo, reaching forward again to put it to Fili's lips. This time, though, it was Fili's hand that rose to intercept it.

"I can do it," he said, his voice sounding thin and strained.

"Well, see that you do," Mistress Proudfoot said. "All of it, now, and quickly!"

Fili put the cup to his lips and drank deeply, and Kili's hand twitched in Bilbo's, but he did not try to pull away. When Fili had drained the entire contents of the cup, he let out a pained-sounding breath and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.

"That is utterly foul," he said, coughing once or twice.

Mistress Proudfoot harrumphed again, and Fili looked quickly up at her, squinting as though the movement was painful to him. "But I am grateful, of course," he said. "Thank you, mistress hobbit."

"Hmph," Mistress Proudfoot said. "You should teach your brother some of those pretty words, boy." She reached into her bag again, and pulled out a piece of bark. "Chew this," she instructed, handing it to Fili. "It will help with the fever and the pain in your head."

Fili took the bark obediently and put it in his mouth, then sank back against the pillows, closing his eyes. Mistress Proudfoot eyed him for a moment, and then turned and gave Kili a hard stare. He, for his part, had subsided into his corner and sat as before, his head bowed and apparently staring at the bed, though of course Bilbo knew from experience that in fact he was watching what was going on with great attention.

"Well, I have done what I can for that one," Mistress Proudfoot said. "Now, what of the other?"

"He is not ill," Bilbo said.

Mistress Proudfoot gave him a sceptical look at this. "Three hours ago you showed me a dwarf in a stupor," she said. "Now the same dwarf seems unable to speak or to comprehend the actions of those around him. And yet you tell me he is not ill? I know you are not witless, Bilbo Baggins, though you do a good job of feigning it."

Bilbo bristled a little at this. "Well, of course I do not mean that he is quite well," he said. "But as I have said, his is an affliction of the mind, and you yourself have told me there is no help for that."

"I have told you no such thing!" Mistress Proudfoot retorted. "A mind cannot be healed with tonics and potions, it is true, but that does not mean there is no help for it. It is as with any affliction: before you can find the remedy, you must know the cause."

"Well, I know the cause," Bilbo said. "But I cannot prevent it now. It has already happened."

"You know what it is that causes his stupor?" Mistress Proudfoot said.

"Yes," Bilbo said. "Well, I- At least, I know it is something to do with water."

"That is not helpful in the least," Mistress Proudfoot said. "How can you hope to help this dwarf of yours if you do not understand the roots of his madness? You do wish to help him, I suppose?"

"Of course I do!" Bilbo snapped, and then subsided in mild terror when Mistress Proudfoot turned a thunderous look on him. "I mean - It is very difficult, you see. He does not like to talk about it." And Bilbo did not like to listen, although he decided not to mention this fact out loud.

"I do not like to spend the best part of the day grinding herbs to mend fever," Mistress Proudfoot said, "and I am quite sure your other dwarf did not like to drink the medicine. But I did so, and so did he, for the sake of his wellbeing."

Bilbo could think of no answer to this. It was true that he did his best to avoid talking to Kili about his many years with the orcs, and he certainly did not ask him about it unless he had no other choice. He had always told himself that it was better for both of them, for certainly Kili could not want to relive such painful memories, and Bilbo's heart ached enough for his little dwarf friend without hearing the details of what had occurred. But perhaps, in fact, Mistress Proudfoot was right - perhaps there was rather more of selfishness his behaviour than he had admitted to himself. At any rate, it was certainly true that he knew very little about the fits of stupor and shaking that gripped Kili from time to time. And in fact, he wondered if it might not be possible, if not to prevent them, then at least to shorten them considerably, if he knew a little more about them. That would be a marvellous thing indeed, for it seemed he could not guarantee that Kili would never again find himself in a situation where he was forced to put his head under the water, no matter how much he might wish to.

"I suppose you are right," he said finally. "Or at least, I will try and talk to him."

"See that you do," Mistress Proudfoot said. "These things should not be allowed to fester and spread their infection."

And with that, she strode from the room, stopping at the front door to give Bilbo a supply of the bark for Fili and instruct him on how often the medicine was to be taken. Bilbo, as usual, felt a sense of relief to see her leave, but this was tempered with a foreboding, for it was easy enough to promise that he would talk to Kili, but another thing entirely to actually do so. He pattered back into the guest room to find Fili apparently asleep and Kili brooding in the corner. He regarded them for a moment, and decided that of course he could not talk to Kili until the little dwarf found his tongue again. And in the meantime, the guest room, light and airy as it was, had a heavy air of sickness about it that Bilbo found rather unbearable and certainly could not be improving Kili's frame of mind. So he took his little dwarf friend by the hand and tugged until he was able to persuade him to get off the bed, which took rather more time than perhaps was normal, but which he eventually accomplished nonetheless. It was still chilly and damp outside, not to mention the potential for visitors who might try to talk to Kili, but Bilbo could at least settle him in the living room, and perhaps read to him until his own desire to speak returned.

"Come then, lad," he said. "Let us leave your brother to sleep. He will be better soon, and then everything will be quite all right."

Kili made no answer to this, but then, of course, Bilbo had expected none.

* * *

The afternoon passed largely without incident. Fili slept soundly, and Kili remained silent and subdued, although he looked a little less dark and brooding next to the cheerful fire in the living room. Bilbo bustled around the hobbit hole, attending to various tasks that had been left undone during the excitement of the last few days, and making one-sided conversation with his little dwarf friend. It wasn't until he set out the dishes for dinner, though, that he noticed that Kili was rather more animated than he had been, and was glancing continually in the direction of the guest room. Bilbo sat down before him and smiled, pleased at this increased activity.

"Now," he said, "what would you like for dinner?"

Kili glanced towards the guest room, then back at Bilbo. "Fili will die?" he said, his voice sounding rather scratchy from disuse.

Bilbo's pleasure at hearing Kili speak was rather eclipsed by his dismay at the content of the question. "Why, not at all!" he cried. "Your brother is very strong, and he is getting better. He certainly will not die!"

Kili did not look entirely convinced by this, but he did not speak again, instead subsiding a little in his chair and staring towards the guest room. Bilbo felt rather unsettled, and wondered if he should take the little dwarf back to sit with his brother. But unless Fili were awake and demonstrably better, he was not sure that this would help matters. He started to look around for something to distract Kili, but Mistress Proudfoot's words came unbidden to his mind, and he stopped, wondering if he was doing his friend a disservice by once again trying to ignore evidence of his disquiet. After a moment's thought, he gathered himself and leaned forward.

"Kili, my lad," he said, deciding to start with something relatively straightforward, "why did you try and stop your brother from taking the medicine?"

Kili tore his gaze away from the door and looked at Bilbo with a frown. "This word, I not remember," he said. "Messin?"

"_Medicine_," Bilbo said. "It is the potion that Fili was drinking. The black water." He mimed holding his nose. "It is to make you better when you are ill."

"Medicine," Kili said slowly. "It is good water."

"Good water, yes," Bilbo said. "Why did you try to stop Fili from drinking it?"

Kili looked like he might not answer this, ducking his head a little and looking worried. Bilbo patted his knee hastily.

"You have not done anything wrong," he said, although he was not sure Mistress Proudfoot would agree with that assessment. "I only want to know why you did it."

Kili stayed silent for another moment, then shook his head. "I thought it is bad water," he said. "I forgot word. Poiser?"

"Poison?" Bilbo said. "You thought it was poison?" He stared at Kili in some surprise. "But why?"

"Look bad," Kili said. "Smell bad."

"Yes, but," Bilbo said, "surely you did not think that I would stand by and let someone poison Fili? Why would anyone want to poison your brother?"

Kili shifted a little in his chair, the look of worry on his face increasing. "I am wrong," he said. "I understand, I am wrong."

Bilbo almost left it at that, but for all that he was not in the least eager to hear about whatever strange orcish notion lay behind Kili's odd behaviour, he was a kind little hobbit and he felt that perhaps it might be his duty as a friend to see this line of questioning through to the end. And so he shook his head and patted Kili's knee again.

"Well, you were certainly wrong," he said, "but that is not important. Why did you think someone might want to poison Fili?" When Kili said nothing, Bilbo shook his arm insistently. "Come now, you must tell me," he said.

Kili ducked his head still further. "Fili is bad," he said.

Bilbo frowned at this. "Bad?" he said. "What has he done that is bad?"

"He not do," Kili said. "He is. Is bad." Bilbo gave him a mystified look, and he shook his head in frustration. "Lie down," he said. "Too hot. _Gamzhurmat_. Look white." He nodded at Bilbo. "He is bad."

Bilbo was rather taken aback by the appearance of a Black Speech word in the middle of Kili's recital, but he decided to let it pass without comment, for Kili seemed not to have noticed it, and he thought that drawing attention to it would only cause the little dwarf to become even more hesitant. "Oh," he said, "you mean he is ill! Well, we do not say he is bad, we say ill, or unwell."

"Ill," said Kili. "He is ill."

"Yes, he is," Bilbo said, and then had to sit a moment thinking to remember what they had been talking about. "But Kili," he said in some consternation when he had finally followed the thread of the conversation back far enough, "you think that someone would poison him because he is ill? Is that what you mean?"

Kili watched him for a moment, then gave a short nod. "I think this," he said. "I am wrong. Think wrong."

Bilbo took a deep breath, for he knew from painful experience why it was that Kili thought most of the strange things he thought. "Do the orcs - do they poison _snagas_ when they are ill?" he asked, although he had no desire at all to hear the answer.

"Yes," Kili said, after a brief hesitation. "Sometimes poison _snaga_. Ill _snaga_ not can work, not can walk. Ill _snaga _weak."

"And the weak are to be killed," Bilbo said, half to himself.

Kili nodded. "It is wrong," he said. "Protect weak. Orcs are wrong."

Bilbo smiled at this, heartened at the certainty in Kili's voice. "Quite right, my lad," he said firmly. "The orcs are wrong about almost everything, I should think. But then why poison? It seems rather a complicated way of killing someone."

Kili shrugged. "Not always poison," he said. "Orcs like poison. Tongue go black, _snaga_ go mad. It is hurt great deal." He shook his head. "Orcs think _hokar_. It make orcs laugh."

"They think it is funny," Bilbo murmured, but Kili shook his head again.

"Not funny," he said. "Funny is good, it is joke. Thing make orcs laugh is not funny."

And Bilbo supposed that that was true, at least as far as anyone who wasn't an orc was concerned. He sat for a moment, unsure how to proceed, for it seemed almost offensive to express sympathy or even anger in the face of such unthinkable things. At last, he settled for sighing heavily and squeezing Kili's forearm.

"You are very brave for defending your brother," he said. "Very brave. But surely you did not think that I would let anyone poison him?"

Kili stared at him for long enough that Bilbo began to worry that he did indeed think that, but then he shook his head slowly.

"No," he said. "You are friend Fili. Fili's friend. I know you not hurt Fili. I - not think right sometimes."

"Well, that is certainly understandable," Bilbo said. "But I am glad you know that I would never hurt your brother. And neither would anyone else in the Shire. There is no-one here who wants to hurt you, Kili. Do you understand that?"

Kili nodded briefly and looked away. Bilbo sat for a moment, thinking that now that the issue of the medicine was clarified, he should tackle the much larger question that had been hanging over him all afternoon. But before he could do so, he remembered - much to his relief, it must be said - that the next dose of Fili's medicine was due, and since he did not know how long it could be put off without adverse consequences, he leapt to his feet - perhaps a little too hastily - and turned to attend to this task, leaving Kili to sit by the fire alone.

* * *

When Bilbo entered the guest room, Fili was awake and sitting up, looking a great deal less dazed than he had done of late.

"Mr. Baggins," he said. "Why are you wearing your nightshirt?"

"Master Fili!" Bilbo said, and then glanced down at himself, realising that in fact he had managed to go the whole day without getting properly dressed. This, however, was not the most important issue in his mind at that time. "How are you feeling?"

Fili ignored this question. "Where is Kili?" he asked.

"He is in the living room," Bilbo said. "We are just about to have dinner. Would you like me to bring you anything?"

Fili glanced at the door to the bedroom, and then back at Bilbo. "You are going to ask him, aren't you?" he said. "About the water, I mean."

Bilbo found himself rather surprised by this; apparently, Fili had not been so unaware as he had seemed during Mistress Proudfoot's visit. "Ah," he said. "Yes, I think I shall. Though perhaps it is not the right thing."

Fili nodded and started disentangling himself from the blankets. "I will come," he said. "I want to be there."

"Now, do not talk nonsense, master dwarf!" Bilbo said. "You are far too ill for such a difficult conversation."

"I am much better," Fili said. "Whatever that terrifying healer of yours gave me was quite effective."

"Hm," Bilbo said, and went to the bedside, laying his palm on Fili's forehead. Indeed, his fever seemed to have dropped dramatically, though he was still a little too warm. "Well, I do think it would be rather a strain for you," he said. "You should try and rest, or you may get worse again."

He turned away, but Fili caught at his arm. "Mr. Baggins," he said, and then seemed not quite to know how to continue. Bilbo frowned at him, and was about to ask if he was all right when Fili spoke again.

"You always talk to him," he said.

"Of course I do," Bilbo said, rather confused by this elliptical statement. "But you talk to him just as much as I do."

Fili's mouth twitched. "That is not true," he said. "But it is not what I meant. I do not mean talking about normal things, like the weather or what we are to eat for dinner. I mean that it is always you who talks to him about the important things. You are always the one who finds out about him, about how he feels and what has been done to him." Bilbo opened his mouth to protest, but Fili raised a hand to stop him. "I am not complaining," he said. "Far from it, I am grateful - I am so grateful that you have -" He shook his head. "And I certainly would not wish you to stop. You are so much better at it than anyone else. Certainly a great deal better than me."

It was on the tip of Bilbo's tongue to call this utter nonsense, but Fili looked rather strained, and he swallowed the words down and waited to see what his young friend would say next. Fili paused, as if for thought, and then nodded to himself.

"I try not to be jealous," he said, sounding a little ashamed now. "I am afraid I do not always succeed. But I want - I want to be there, to hear it. Some days I feel like I barely know him." He raised his head, then, looking Bilbo in the eye with an expression that was almost pleading. "Do you understand?"

"Oh, my dear lad," Bilbo said, patting Fili's arm. "It is not at all true that you do not know him. You know him better than anyone, I think. But I do understand, and of course you must be there." He pondered a moment. "Perhaps we should wait, then. Until you are well."

"I am well," Fili said. "And I think we have waited far too long already."

Bilbo considered his young friend. Fili's hair looked lank and greasy, but his eyes were clear and his colour had returned for the most part. And in truth, now that Bilbo had decided that he must talk to Kili, he was anxious to have it done as soon as possible, for he knew that it would not be a pleasant conversation, nor an easy one.

"Well," he said finally, "then I suppose you had better get up. But you will bring a blanket with you and stay by the fire, my lad, or I shall have something to say."

Fili did not seem to even have the energy to smirk at this, and Bilbo wondered if perhaps he ought to reconsider his decision. But the young dwarf was already rising from the bed, and seemed quite able to stand and walk without swaying or stumbling, and so Bilbo put it from his mind and led the way to the living room, where Kili sat as Bilbo had left him, hunched in his armchair and with his hair falling across his face.


End file.
